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HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!
Hello there, Ramesh! My name is Erin I., and I will be helping you with your persuasive essay on today video games. Let's begin!
*Strengths of the essay:
First of all, I would like to commend you on this part of your first paragraph:
The most generally utilized "positive" effect feature diversions are said to have on youngsters is that they may enhance a player's manual mastery and PC education. Continually enhancing innovation likewise gives players better illustrations that give a more "sensible" virtual playing knowledge.
Providing background details about the impact of video games to children familiarizes your readers with your subject. This can prepare them for the discussions you will have in the rest of your paper, which helps them have a better understanding of your draft. This also makes your essay informative and detailed. Nice work! :)

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Please clarify the kind of essay you are trying to write so that the next tutor can guide you more effectively. Right now, based on your draft, it seems that you are trying to write a persuasive essay on video games, so this is what I will work with.
Now, I noticed that your draft does not have a clear thesis yet, so let us work on this first. Remember that a clear thesis will help your readers know immediately what your paper's main idea is on video games. In your draft, you wrote:

This quality makes the feature amusement industry an effective constrain in numerous youthful lives. In any case, various studies demonstrate that feature

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