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Agony Aunt Letter

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Colin Omorodion 111 Northend Road SW6 ZAP March 5, 2014

Lady Isabel Carlyle 112 Northumberland Ave. City of London, SW6 Dear Lady Isabel Carlyle : As a long-term resident of the City of London, and mature member of the board of councils here in Fulham; I have the background knowledge and authority to address you in this domestic dilemma you have invigorated upon yourself. To wrap up in a nutshell, I am writing to express my concern about recent internal political infliction that consequently ‘led you to fall from your pedestal’ and land flat upon your face. Having heard of the shocking elopement, you, Lady Isabel Carlyle have encountered, I feel it is necessary to explicitly point out your failures to compromise or accept over ruling and your disastrous contagious plague of running away with men. In awake of your situation, you felt that it was impossible to continue life with your spouse. Sojourn now! First mistake to riding on a dead horse. Whatever the circumstances, whether death is in scripted on your gravestone or not, it is imperative that you must never attempt to back out of the relationship that was destined by not you but your parents. Pray for patience and a dwelling of happiness. Pray, pray and pray to the almighty God to forgive you of your potential sins. Look down upon yourself in guilt, horror and distraught. For in progressing any further you may awake to the unbearable nightmare – one that will strike from within. Repent... now. I recognize your situation. You have fallen out with your husband, a normal “manly” error; you have been insistent with forcing up your own idea in which you argue to be persistent and not back down. Congratulations! Round of Applause! On arriving at this stage in a timely fashion, you’re work is now done. Or at least I hope so. However, you and I know the end result of this situation is far worse than your previous one – comparable to death. Never will you experience a moment’s calm, or peace, or happiness since that fatal night of quitting your residence. As to my comprehension, the very night of your ‘safe departure’ you had awoke to what you had done. What was so charming about charismatic, the notorious Captain Levison anyway that made you dictate your future in such a terrible degree. According to reports, you, Lady Caryle, was aroused by Captain Levison around midnight. Amidst the vague intelligence, an eyewitness has caught sight of you with another man, lacking any domestic protection from your home, blindly and recklessly taking your foot of the gas to lower standards. Pray it was someone you know not off. Whatever happened next is not to my concern, nevertheless, for the sake of your family and for your integrity, I will not disclose any material or any eyewitness accounts. What will kill you is your yawning abyss of horror from which there will nevermore be an escape. Your life will become a sinking ship always doomed from berth, dull as the grey cobblestones of the London roads, delightful as the weather in England. That’s enough, I think you’ve got the message! Kill yourself...

Before you take your life, or your guilt overrides the angel inside you, think about what you leave behind. Your family, your spouse, your home, your possessions all repossessed lawfully and within reason. Reimagine the Victorian rule: your husband physically owns you; derail and your life is over. Remember, your desire in life is to fulfil your husband’s dreams, aid him in any decisions he must take, assimilate into his believes and be flexible within the family. “Be good, sweet maid and let who will be clever” You’ve got a few weeks to live normal life (drenched within your scandal) before the rumor mill begins to spiral out of control. Hence the wait, the tension albeit rises and once you are out, you will cherish the family you’ve assimilated and wait for legal issues to commence. Blow the last kiss of a lifetime to your children – it may be forever long till you see them again- if ever. I do not believe that the benefits leaving your family for a moment of “peace” was at all worth the hassle. Consider: You’re children without a real mother or one that is strapped upon them like a school bag. Innocent children that could have grown a matured into a great tree fervently yielding fruits of prosperity rather than concealing methods to defining? Is the Pandemonium beneficial or just playing devil’s advocate. Imagine the father having to silence the children when they ask any demanding query’s on the whereabouts of the women you had a great fall. Furthermore, it is well known in society that children who grow up with a lack of a stable household (broken home) will deter and resort to methods we know not of? Before you selfishly inflict problems upon yourself and your husband think about the bigger picture; what you’ve spent your life preparing for: your children. Are these tradeoffs inspiring towards your life. If there is one piece of advice I would give to you in the form of the letter – the only thing you take away from this majestically presented source of dignity it would be this: “Whatever trails may the lot of your married life, resolve to bear them, pray for the strength to resist the demon within you” This message may have come a little too late, however, as the perseverant demon looks to have full control of your lust, body and mind – three things deadly in the wrong hands. Pray to God; Pray to God; Pray to God!

Yours Sincerely,

Colin Omorodion

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