During my younger years, we travelled a lot. Though I was born in Manila in 1995, most of my childhood memories lie within the realm of Palawan. I was around 2 years old when we sort of migrated to the province. My parents are both from Manila. But circumstances led us to Palawan where we stayed for almost 10 years. Within the province itself, we had to transfer to other sites for seven times. So by the time I reached 12, I felt that I had been all around. Around Palawan, at least.

But don’t get me wrong. Palawan is nice and clean. I enjoyed life there, except for the water supply and electricity that came only a few hours a day. But we were provided with provisions to cope up. We had rechargeable lights and fans. We had a never ending supply of bottled water. We had the means to have things delivered to us from the city. Mind you, the city of Puerto Princesa is some 10 hours trip on a rough road from the place which we stayed the longest. Trip to the city was once a day, unless you want to go by sea, in a pumpboat for at least 5 hours, depending on the height of the waves.

My sister and I grew up with nature. Looking back, our pets were the farm animals. My father is a real animal lover. Cows and carabaos were all over. It felt good to hear the goat’s noise…, to give water to the chicken, to chase the ducklings and to feed the pig. Other than our very loyal dog Jaguar, we even had baby monkeys and exotic pets like the squirrel, bat, the eagle, and the owl we all loved and named Egok.

Our playmates were the neighbors and we loved role playing based on the latest television shows. I cannot forget how at least three of us wanted to be “Alwina” of the show Mulawin; and since no one wanted to give way, there were three Alwinas in our game, but the other two are gays. And my friends have grown to be beautiful gays.

From time to time we travelled to Manila to visit my Mom’s family. Being brought up in the province, there were many things in Manila that we were unused to. And my titos, titas and grandparents would pamper us while we were on vacation. Every vacation was a breather from the rural life. We enjoyed the luxury of Manila. Once, we had a family trip to visit Our Lady of Manaoag in Pangasinan. We went with our cousins who boasted of their big car, and the gadgets they were using while we were travelling. Along the way, we had some sightings of cows and carabaos. My cousins were shouting and very excited to have seen those animals which they saw only in books. At that moment I felt proud. At least we were given the chance to experience both worlds, urban and rural. I have known the smell of pigs and the noise of cows. That was something to thank for.

After elementary, I was to take high school in Manila. And so it has been the plan. My mother, upon being a full pledged doctor, with my father’s full support, pledged to serve the people of the barrios for a time. And they sort of “sacrificed” our few years in the outskirts of Palawan, having to live with not much water and electricity, away from the city, studying in the only school in the place. But they had planned it well to gradually go back to the city as we grew up. But things were taken a little faster when my grandfather was diagnosed with leukemia, and we all had to relocate back to Manila at the earliest possible time.

Starting a life in Manila was quite difficult. I had to be left with my titos and titas while things were being straightened out by my family in Palawan. High school was certainly different, but I coped up. It was hard to start a new circle of friends. More so when I had to transfer to another school after first year. Being an adolescent wherein the importance of peers gained momentum, I started to have anxiety. Who are my friends? Where are they? Then I realized that I was never really given the chance to establish a long friendship because of our mobility. We moved here and there. But then again, I had to cope up. Start again with what is present. Perhaps look back at the past from time to time.

It was not really difficult to be accepted in my new environment. All I had to do was blend in. But it was way later that I realized that perhaps I had to take on a different me so I could be one of them. I felt lost. I started to question my identity, my reasons, my dreams. I tried to cope up but I guess I could have done more.

In 2009, my mother got a new job abroad, Saudi Arabia. It was sickening. Even though left with my sister, father, titos and titas, I was at a loss. And it happened. After a year, my father, sister and I followed my mother to the Middle East. At first it was kind of exciting, a new place (again?), new people, new school. But the days dragged on. I just could not get used to the entirely different culture. I really hated the fact the girls can never leave a home without their abayas on. You know, this black flowing cloak that should cover the woman’s entirety even on a 35 degree summer day. It was simply illogical to me.

In that far away land, we were together as a family. We had better amenities, we had a more comfortable life. But social life was zero to the highest degree. Imagine a teenage life with no social life. It was more of a virtual world from then on. The computer became my best friend. I was exposed to a whole universe of thing that I never knew existed. I realized the things that could make me happy. I learned of the things that I wanted to do. I dreamt of what I wanted to be.

With that transfer to Saudi Arabia, my education got a little rattled. I had to deal with a British curriculum, with a bleak college. But we somehow managed to get into a Filipino college curriculum which led me to this Philippine University, MCU. And here we go again. Back to my titos and tita. A new school environment without friends. Still quite undecided where I’m headed to. But I am happy just to be as such. In time, perhaps sooner, everything will fall into its proper place.

I always keep on dreaming, but reality keeps on nagging. With all the ups and downs, I am passing through all of life’s turbulence. In the end I plan to be safe and sound.