Building Self-Esteem Essay
PSY-460 Fundamentals of Counseling
July 21, 2013

Self-esteem is the part of our personas that includes the positive and negative of self-assessment or evaluations, and speaks to how we feel and/or think about ourselves. In other words, the attitudes, ideas, and convictions we have about ourselves can determine who we are, what we can do, and who we can become (Mann et al, 2004). It incorporates the aggregate of our overall beliefs, opinions, understanding(s) and awareness of the personal qualities and characteristics we possess. In life we will experience a lack of assurance or confidence at some time or another, however, those persons who experience low self-esteem are not happy; and are often sad or dissatisfied much of the time (Burton, 2012). We find that self-esteem is a significant psychological component that influences our well-being, as well as enhances the value and quality of our lives. Many in the medical field concur that a healthy self-esteem can offer an advantage to professional success, eliminate many psychological disorders, as well as contribute to better overall health and social behavior. This paper aims to discuss how a simple retooling of a person’s system can alleviate negative views of themselves and/or situations leading to possible psychological disorders.
The development of self-esteem and/or how we feel about ourselves begins at a very early age and never stops until we close our eyes in death. In other words, our self-esteem develops and changes throughout our lives as images of self develops through experiences and interactions between family members, friends, myriad outsiders, and activities. Our childhood experiences offer significant encumbrance and influence in the shaping of our self-esteem. By the time we are adults, we have an overall established level of self-esteem that involve positives and negatives – higher in some areas because of specific skill sets, however, lower in others because of perceived or a real lack thereof of skills. Focus on the lack of skills often leads to a low sense of self-worth and can also cause great emotional discomfort. When this happens, we need tools – some means of refocusing and rebuilding and gaining strength for maintaining and/or overcoming.
If emotions seem overwhelming or out of hand, we can build self-esteem by learning to manage our moods and gaining control over our feelings. Many are able to do this with assistance from their friends and/or families while many others may require the help of mental health professionals in order to deal with underlying difficulties and struggles that often are the cause of low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is in and of itself a fundamental feature of mental disorder, for example, in depression or in borderline personality disorder (Burton, 2012). When a person feels negatively about themselves, they generally are not willing or able to have confidence in, or trust their feeling toward others. Maintaining self-esteem then requires that we grow to be totally conscious and aware of our strengths and weaknesses - viewing life’s challenges as an opportunity to utilize the assets we have – as well as developing new skill sets. In other words, if we don’t find ways to implement and keep alive some sense of self-esteem, we are asking for trouble. One of the ways we can develop our self-esteem is by empowering ourselves in myriad positive ways. One such way to empower ourselves is by reading daily inspirations that are uplifting; creating uplifting attitudes when external things appear difficult. Biblically, I believe it was David who said, In other words, we did not enter into a well-structured universe that offers us an inherited design but, instead, must create and be responsible for our own world, life design, choices, and actions (Oliver, n.d.). Along with the experience of our existence, choice or independence comes with a certain amount or level of responsibility. In others words, as we deal with our negative situations and circumstances we can take the spiritual example of David who literally sang himself happy. When David was clearly depressed he speaks to his own soul asking, “Why are you cast down, 0 my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, my Help and my God” (Psalm 42:5). He makes us to know in no uncertain terms that he is experiencing a problem with depression. Throughout the Psalms, David writes and sings to uplift himself and communicate with one from whom he gathers strength to endure. In spite of his many trials and tribulations - often that caused him to fear for his life – whether brought about by his own actions, or the actions of others, David wrote/sang to the one who was his source of strength and salvation. In other words, David understood he had some responsibility for his actions and as such, he could remain deep in his depressive state, or he could find inspiration and strength from his God to help him overcome whatever adversity he faced – physical or mental.
Additionally, David assessed his strengths and weaknesses. He knew he was merely human with flaws and failings of such, however, in his daily meditation practices, David could affirm with conviction, “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear. The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid…” (Psalm 27:1-2). In spite of David’s shortcomings and myriad negative things he did and experienced in his life, he had established a relationship with someone he felt genuinely loved and cared for him. As such, he could think positively about himself. We can do the same as we remind ourselves that we are fearfully and wonderfully and made (Psalm 139:14). In other words, we are thinking positively about ourselves and reaffirming that we are unique and special. We are finding that there is great value in us and as such, we are deserving of good feelings about ourselves. We can discover positive beliefs and attitudes we have about who we are and make a determination which ones are important and which ones should be eliminated. We can fix our hearts and minds on the positive things we have contributed and/or would like to contribute. It is in the identifying and clarifying of our thoughts and our gifts/skills that we can challenge those negative things we come up against in our thought process – or even labels we have allowed others to place upon us.
Additionally, a Christian focus and/or as spiritual people, we are not to place emphasis on worldly things – but to transform ourselves by the ‘renewing of our minds’ (Romans 12:2). Further, David again speaks/sings words to which we can relate when he cries out, “O my God, my life is cast down upon me and I find the burden more than I can bear; therefore will I earnestly remember You from the land of the Jordan and the [Summit of Mount] Hermon, from the little mountain Mizar (Psalm 42:6). David is not only talking with himself, he is talking with his Creator. It is positive to start an inner dialogue (Ponton, 2006). This can be done between ourselves and our God (whether your god is the god of Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, etc.) – if you believe that there is power to sustain you, and from which you are able to draw strength, have and maintain that inner dialogue.
Life will bring challenges and often times of discouragement and depression however, when we have tools to empower us to move beyond the adversity, we fare much better. From the time we are born until the time we close our eyes in death, we will deal with positive and negative feelings about and within ourselves. It is a worthwhile process to gain knowledge of ourselves – to trust ourselves. We may have to search and re-search within ourselves to find empowerment and strength. We must be honest in our evaluations while continuing to hold onto those things that are building blocks and if difficulties arise, we can find comfort that there are family members, friends, pastors, etc… and ultimately counselors/therapists to which we can turn for help.

References
Burton, N. (2012). Hide and Seek: Understanding Self-deception, Self-Sabotage, and More.
Retrieved from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building- confidence-and-self-esteem Corey, G. (2013). Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy. Brooks/Cole
Cengage Learning. Belmont, CA
Mann, M, Hosman, C.M.H., Schaalma, H.P. & de Vries, N. K. (2004). Self-Esteem in a Broad-
Spectrum Approach for Mental Health Promotion. Retrieved from: http://her.oxfordjournals.org/content/19/4/357.full.pdf Oliver, M. (n.d.) An Analysis of Existential Therapy from a Counseling perspective. Retrieved from: http://learning.hccs.edu/faculty/mark.oliver/an-example-of-a-paper-using-apa- style/example-of-a-paper-using-apa-style Ponton, L. (2006). Building Self-Esteem. Psych Central. Retrieved from:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/building-self-esteem/000108