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Eat Eat Me

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Submitted By wewwew
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My personality

Ever since I was a child, I have been people-pleasing, extroverted, passionate and sincere. I have always done my best to help my teacher at school, and I’ve always tried hard to please my friends when I was a teenager. Whenever they needed me, I was always there for them. I have been flattering almost anyone that I’ve considered as my best friend. I gave anything they needed, and they usually just walked away with the benefits then left me all alone. I’ve never realized why I would let this happen, until I took the Enneagram Test. I have been Type 2, the “HELPER” for the past nineteen years. I am a 100% unwise helper.

Before I took the Enneagram Test, I always thought that: “Maybe I have some kind of problem with my personality~ I mean. What kind of person will allow people to use them over and over again? I must be some kind of fool or neurotic! ” After I took this test, surprisingly, almost everything in the descriptions was accurate! This is exactly who I am! For all these years, I have been suffering from feeling abandoned or rejected by friends around me and I don’t even know why. I don’t understand why I treat them so well, but they just take that for granted and walk away? I have been sociable, but most of these so-called “friends” will only be there when they need my HELP! According to the Enneagram test, I have been “altruistic and unselfish” most of the time when people ask for help. What’s more, I have “unconditional love for my [loved ones]”, which also makes me even more vulnerable!

I used to be very impulsive, but now I have learned to think twice before doing things, and I’m still working on it. I used to be a straight-talking person, but now I’ve learned how to say things carefully. Even so, I’m still not a wise “HELPER”. I have been very moody, and I have problems with flattering others. According to the Enneagram Test, I want to “be close to others”, but I still can’t draw the line which prevents them from being suspicious of me. I was well-meaning, but most of them were suspicious of my kindness. I have been heroic, and that is also the reason why I always get myself hurt~ either biologically or physically. If I could, I would even give my life to save a stranger that I’ve never met before. Don’t be too surprised…Cause that’s exactly who I am.

According to Enneagram’s result, it said that I have “problems with being possessive and with acknowledging my own needs.” I could be both possessive and unselfish at the same time. Usually, unselfish wins. That’s what makes me self-sacrificing. I have been faithful to what I believe, and sometimes it was good to be that way, but most of the time I was just struggling with my childishness. It hurts sometimes~ not only me, but also the ones I love. That is one of the reasons why I regard myself as an unwise “HELPER”, because I didn’t actually “help” people; all I did was to increase their stress. In this case, I have been a troublemaker, instead of being a wise helper.

Not only Enneagram, but also Color quiz have seen right through me! “Anxiety and restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced stress. [I] tried to escape from these by denying their existence, concealing [my] dissatisfaction behind a proud but illusory claim to self-sufficiency and independent.” The Color quiz said. That is so true! It had just spoken out my entire situation! This is unbelievable! These…are the facts that I’m afraid to face. I tried to ignore them, and tell myself that these situations are nothing to me. I pretend to be strong, so nobody would dare to insult me. I could cheat myself, but I couldn’t cheat at the quiz.

Thanks to Kelly, my instructor at UH, who provided us with the Enneagram Test and Color quiz. I felt much relived after knowing all my strengths and weaknesses. I finally understood those mysteries that I thought would never be answered by anyone. From now on, I can start trying to be a 100% wise “HELPER”! A true helper!

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