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Effective Child Discipline

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Submitted By sarahnaplin
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When it comes to disciplining a child, weather you are a parent, a day care provider, caregiver or baby sitter, anyone can argue that the job is in no way easy. Discipline requires effectiveness, consistency, and even a little bit of compassion thrown in. The difficult question is: “What is considered effective discipline?” How do you effectively discipline a child? How do you know if your techniques/tactics are not being effective or working the way you were intending? What will be the long and short term consequences of the way you are disciplining that child? Many adults do not put active thought into the actual structure of discipline; many use a trial and error method. For instance, telling the child no, then when that doesn’t work, putting the child in the corner, and if that isn’t effective, spanking the child. And so on and so forth. I have learned to take a step back, analyze the behavior, and decide the best positive approach to find a way to prevent the behavior-which will hopefully prevent discipline from being needed. THAT is how you know you are being effective! If no discipline is needed at all! In this paper, I will go over the different techniques for a positive approach towards discipline, tips to prevent discipline from being needed, and some effects of discipline on the child. How to Effectively Discipline Children How many of us remember discipline being a positive thing when we were children? Not many is my guess, I know I can’t answer yes to that question. And how many people out there do you think wish that delivering discipline to children was a lot easier? Believe it or not, disciplining a child CAN be a lot easier. It all depends on how you go about it, how it is delivered and how it is carried out. Consistency is important for children of all ages, if you don’t stick to the rules and consequences that are set out for the child, the child isn’t likely to either (Foundation, 1995-2012). Following through with stating directives and the results is crucial to a child’s development. Issuing idle threats will result in failure. One should provide predictable consequences, letting a child know that if they behave in a certain manner, that a certain result will proceed. Children learn from watching adults; so making sure that you are a positive role model is key (Foundation, 1995-2012), do not practice the “do as I say not as I do”, not only is it not effective, but it is not a good value to teach those that look up to you. The most effective forms of discipline incorporate consistent responses to the child’s behavior, positive reinforcement when appropriate, and punishment in non-physical forms. The ultimate goal of the parent should be to guide a child to be an independent, self-directed and self-motivated individual who can contribute to society and respect other people. There are many types of discipline that can be given; however, a calm and peaceful way of discipline is most likely to be effective in changing the attitude of a misbehaved child. Through discipline, if done in a correct manner, it can cause a child to benefit positively in life, leading them to a more successful future. When a parent approaches their child, they should do it effectively and make sure guidelines are set out for a child, but the reasons for these guidelines are communicated in a way that signifies a warm and caring attitude. Because of the causes and effects of discipline, parents should not approach their child with any sort of anger or abuse because with that style of approach, many children can be affected by it in a negative manner, possibly even leaving them in a frightened state, causing them to become afraid of their parents, or even become physically abusive during their childhood and later on into life. How you say it is key. Yelling, screaming, and acting harshly or out of control is not going to convey a positive message to your child. Instead, be calm, confident, and present good choices. Don’t ask, tell; “Time for bed!” rather than giving the child the option that may lead to an argument: “Are you ready for bed?” Praise your child-give them a confident self-worth and esteem. Promote them to make positive choices (Massachusetts, 2007). With that being said, let’s talk about preventing negative child behavior that leads to discipline. Wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier if the whole “discipline” part didn’t need to come into play nearly so often? If a child knows what is expected of them, and the consequences that are involved if that behavior is not exercised, they are much more likely to behave as expected. With the exception of the younger kids of course, who have a little bit harder time remembering long term or even spur of the moment. However, even then, they are able to recognize the negative behavior, can take ownership of knowing that was not what was agreed upon, and know that consequence was already in place. I have found this way, when they already know the punishment that is going to happen, there is a more (reluctant) cooperation with it, rather than the tantrum of having received a punishment in the first place. The best way to prevent challenging behaviors in children is to take steps to make sure they do not occur (Conroy, 2011) Setting out clear and concise expectations and rules really help children know what is expected of them. In addition, when you include your child in the decision making process, it helps them learn to make decisions. Setting out a rule, such as, agreeing to bring a friend to the beach with the family, but only with the agreement that both boys behave, listen, and stay in sight. Then giving the child the option to choose the consequence if the rules are broken. That way, the child knows what will happen if the rules are not followed (hopefully working as a constant reminder to keep on track and follow the rules) and they will know the consequence and feel that they have to abide by it since they are the ones that created it. Prevention is essential. If we all want our disciplining lives to be easier, we need to take the steps to prevent the discipline from being needed. Now what about the effects of all of this discipline taking place? Are the choices that you are making creating a positive experience for your child? Will it mold them into becoming a better person? As stated before, children imitate the adults they see, especially their parents. So…if you are punishing your child by means of spanking (hitting), what message do you think you are conveying to your child? When parents use physical punishment, children are more likely to use violent acts to settle their conflicts with others (Telep, 2009). Effective discipline helps the child learn self-control and builds the child’s self-esteem, as well as helps to set a good example of effective ways to solve problems. Whereas, harsh punishment, such as spanking teaches the child to deceive parents, tears down their self-esteem, and teaches the child that violence is an acceptable way to solve problems (Telep, 2009). I think the choice is clear here. Positive encouragement, reinforcement, and praise; these are the key ingredients in an effective and positive disciplinary routine for your child. When you use these things, it is doubtful that you will even need to take any steps toward discipline. Treat your child like an equal, but make it clear that you are the one in control. Let them know that you are a team, and there is no “I” in team. You need communication and leadership to be on a team. If your child believes you are working with them and not against them, it will be easier to get through to them.

References
Conroy, P. J. (2011). Center for Evidence Based Practice: Young Children with Challenging Behavior. Retrieved from Preventing Challenging Behavior in Young Children: Effective Practices: www.challengingbehavior.org
Foundation, T. N. (1995-2012). Kids Health. Retrieved from http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/discipline.html
Massachusetts, C. T. (2007). One Tough Job.org. Retrieved from Effective Discipline: http://www.onetoughjob.org/parenting/discipline
Telep, V. (2009). Virginia Cooperative Extension. Retrieved from Discipline for Young Children - Discipline and Punishment: What is the Difference?: http://pubs.ext.vt.edu/350/350-111/350-111.html

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