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Finding the One (Destiny vs Choice)

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Submitted By AiChan07
Words 993
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TOPIC: For you, is finding the right spouse (partner/bf/gf/etc) a matter of choice or destiny?

I’ve once heard about this quote that goes: “Your destiny is not written on a rock. It is you who create it”. The brilliant Sir Isaac Newton stated that “in every action, there is an equal reaction”. And I believe that the Roman Catholic religion taught us that God gave man this gift called “freewill”. Of these three instances, all seemed to be pointing out that what we are right now, and what we are to be, depends on our CHOICES.

In this cliché, finding-the-right-person, case scenario, I don’t think it’s any different. People often believe that the right person is the one “destined” for them. Well, I couldn’t really say it’s wrong… nor could I say they’re right. Personally, I think it all boils down on what your choice is.

So, before I proceed in explaining, there’s this one story I’ve learned from my former principal back in high school. You see, there’s this guy and this girl who were deeply in love with each other. Both sides of their families accept their relationship openly. They’ve been together as a couple for years and this guy even started on planning up for a wedding and he literally worked for that… in the sense of finding a job abroad. But this girl felt something different. She felt like she was being called by God. One day, as this guy came back from abroad, the girl said that she wanted to enter the seminary and become a nun. I could quite imagine the guy’s reaction to that. However, this guy ended up supporting the girl’s decision, and he was even the one who assisted her in going to the doors of the monastery. Fast forward, this girl now is a successful nun and the current principal in my high school Alma Mater… and I have yet to know about the guy’s current status.

With that story, I believe that “choice” seems more reasonable than “destiny”. The girl may have found the right person… possibly the right spouse, but she chose not to end up with that certain someone. Their relationship started and ended with decisions and choices. As a matter of fact, relationships do depend on that.

Now, some might say that destiny is God’s plan and intention. However, my question is that: wouldn’t that contradict the evident fact of freewill? “All things happen for a reason”. And I don’t find “destiny” to be a reason for that… in fact, I find it as an excuse. An excuse to expect things to happen rather than making them happen. But then again, everything would go down to your choice – whether you succumb in fatality or otherwise. Besides, if that was the case, then does that mean those people who are in a lifetime imprisonment, or even those who successfully committed suicide, which we know is a great sin against God, destined to be like that? No. It was clearly their choice to do that.

Another story I have is about a couple who has this 7-year age gap. The girl got pregnant at a very young age, and so, marriage was also done at an early time. Like what people are most likely to agree, there are indeed flaws in this kind of relationship. However, they both managed to work it out until this very second, and they have 4 children gradually working their way to independence. It may be the typical story of having to marry because of pregnancy, but it’s not wholly like that. It’s a story about choice. And it’s the story of my parents.

Now, when I mentioned it was a story about choice, I was referring to the fact that they were both aware of the age gap they have, but still chose to disregard it. I mean, a lot of people would be age conscious despite the saying “Age doesn’t matter”. And bottom line, it’s really up to you whether you choose to accept that person or not. And that choice leads you to your destiny with that person.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is that everything depends on what we do or moreover, our future depends on what we choose to do. Quoting again Sir Newton’s famous third law of motion, “In every action, there is an equal (and opposite) reaction”, it may also mean that there are certain rewards or consequences resulting on the actions we made. It’s just like how we reap the fruits of our success after struggling through the years of labor, or how we fail an exam after deciding to neglect our priorities. It’s actually evident.

Going back to the issue, for me, there is no such thing as a “right” person. I mean, we’re actually the ones who get to decide that. You’re the one who sets up the standards of an ideal person or whatsoever, and thus, you’re also the one who gets to decide if the person fits the standards you want. It’s not destiny that brought you together, it’s you deciding to believe that he/she is the one. It’s your choice to let that certain person be in your life.

Still, I understand there would be people who are solid in their belief of “destiny”, but I do hope you won’t give in to this fatality which could be a bad thing. There’s one thing I’d like to say though, if we really are bounded by destiny (which I doubt), well, then… all of us are destined to die, but it is what we do between this life and death existence that matters. Besides, wouldn’t you agree that life would be more meaningful when we choose it for ourselves?

“I have noticed even people who claim everything to be predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they crossed”
- Stephen Hawking

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