We were so excited when the school year started in August of 2007. My “baby” was going to be in first grade! But I’ll have you know, there is nothing babyish about first grade; it’s much more of a “manly” year, according to the first grader boys in the know.

What we did not anticipate was the unexpected drama that came along with the excitement of the new year; surprisingly, it had nothing to do with chasing girls.

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I had been told by Collin’s kindergarten teacher that he was an advanced reader because he tested at the equivalency of a second grader. I like to think it had something to do with the amount of time I spent reading him books when I could barely keep my eyes open, to where I have now memorized nearly every Dr. Seuss book and can quote them backwards in my sleep. In reality, it probably had something to do with Sesame Street and the wonderful program director at the after-school program.

During the summer prior to first grade, Collin really wanted to read Bridge to Terabithia. We had watched the movie together and both loved it, so I got the book without any hesitation. Collin, of course, excitedly shared about the book with his new first-grade teacher, Ms. Pretentious, and the class. This, somehow, elicited quite a drama.

At “Back to School Night”, as parents sat in the tiny little first grade chairs, we listened to Ms. Pretentious introduce herself and describe her experiences during the first week of school. It came in the form of a 20-minute resume/personal philosophy on teaching. When she moved on to her teaching style, she surprised me by sharing a “tragedy” with the parents. Apparently, one of her students, the poor child, was reading the book Bridge to Terabithia.

She stated firmly,” Children aren’t yet ready emotionally to read such a book and they probably can’t even understand the full meaning behind the story.” In her not-so-humble opinion, she added, “Parents should NOT push children to read books that are not suitable for their grade level.”

Push? Is she kidding me? Just like that, she openly assumed that I forced my son to read a difficult book. I wanted to jump out of my tiny chair but I was stuck between the desire to set the record straight, and the reticence to make a scene in front of 20+ parents all squeezing into these tiny chairs. I stayed put.

* * * * *

Can’t children read just for the sake of reading? I started reading Farmer Boy because I saw my older brother was reading it; I was probably in either first or second grade at the time. Was I ready for the book? Who cares! I liked to read and that’s all that mattered. For crying out loud, I sometimes still read books I don’t fully understand. Collin reads the newspaper out loud just to practice reading. Who cares if he understands every single word he is reading. He’s only seven! And at the end of the day, I would rather help foster a love for reading than a love for porn magazines!

* * * * *

After she not-so-subtly called me a pushy mother, Ms. Pretentious smoothly moved on to her philosophy on math. She said she gives the class a number each morning and children are asked to come up with an equation that equals the same number. For example, if the number of the day is 16, children can suggest 10 + 6, or 20-4. You get the idea.

My muscles were beginning to relax after her comments regarding reading. However, her compliments of my son didn’t end with the reading disaster. She kindly followed up with, “There is one kid,” (a roll of her eyes) “who would show off with multiplication!” Heaven forbid…multiplication? She said it like somebody smuggled a flask of alcohol into class.

So here’s the deal. Collin attended a Chinese camp in Foster City during the summer. This was where he learned multiplication. When he came home he would recite in Chinese, “two times two is four; two times three is six.” He saw a big poster of the times table at the Dollar Store and asked if we could get it. I did not see any reason how this could harm him, but little did I know he would be entering Ms. Pretentious’ class.

Did I sit him down to make him memorize each multiplication column? No, although at the time I thought I totally betrayed the Asian tradition. The truth was, though, I never liked math as a kid. I often joke I am probably the only Asian in this world that sucks at numbers!

So the ending to her pathetic story was that one child in HER class instead of saying, “Twelve plus four makes sixteen,” like a ‘normal’ first grader would, he said, “Two times eight is sixteen.” I could literally feel the stereotypes forming as the story ended with, “Shall we find out which Asian family this kid belongs to?”

Ms. Pretentious then went on explaining how she challenged this particular child by asking if he understood the concept and thank goodness he replied, “It means you add the number two, eight times.” Yeah! That a boy! Phew, was I grateful to learn that he did not inherit my extremely poor math genes.

After 30 minutes of enduring the tiny chairs, tiny desks, and a big spirited teacher, my craving for a Starbucks Caramel Macchiato increased unexplainably. Even though Ms. Pretentious passive-aggressively never mentioned Collin’s name, I felt the need to introduce myself to her and hoping she would grant us a new start (at the second week of school).

And I did.

* * * * *

Two months later, I attended the first parent-teacher conference. During the meeting, Ms. Pretentious hard-heartedly stated that Collin wasn’t working toward his full potential and that she was very concerned about his progress.

I came out of the meeting with my head hanging low, and my finger on the speed dial to the Dr. Phil show. I was convinced I was a lousy parent. According to Ms. Pretentious, I obviously had a long way to go and I felt that if she could, she would happily put me in the ‘shame-on-you’ parent cage for further humiliation.

I went home and tried to figure out ways to inspire Collin to “work towards his full potential.” Ms. Pretentious requested that all children write three journal entries per week and turn them in on Friday. Collin tended to keep his journals short and sweet, which of course did not suit Ms. Pretentious’ standards, so I would ask him to write them a bit longer. Beyond that, I felt lost. I did not know how to be any more of a “good parent” than I already was. I allowed Ms. Pretentious’ not-exactly-constructive criticism to rule my mind; it had taken and took over my confidence that I was in fact, a decent parent.

I made a mistake, a terrible mistake. I did not see my role as my child’s advocate. Instead, I was indirectly teaching my son to suck up criticism and not be who he really was. Awful!

So, being the chicken I was, I thought Ms. Pretentious would give me a nice pat on the back along with a hug by the time that the second parent-teacher conference rolled around. Of course, all that would prove was that I tried really hard to turn my son into someone who he is not.

Is this the way it turned out? Hell no!

Not only was she STILL not pleased with him, she literally pushed Collin’s file aside and said she was extremely concerned that Collin had emotional issues, possibly to do with hidden anger. At this point, it was all I could do to not show her the hidden anger inside of me.

For a few minutes I thought I had been struck by lightning, or overtaken by a powerful storm. Five months went by and she still had nothing positive to say, from what I remembered–nothing but awful words. She strongly suggested that Collin be evaluated by the school counselor, who comes from the county family services. She was not willing to discuss Collin’s academic work until she saw the evaluation.

Well, at this point it was clear to me that we had now entered a new universe, where evil does exist.

* * * * *

After hearing Ms. Pretentious explain that Collin would be pulled out of the class each Friday morning to meet with a counselor, I knew it was time to fight back. I tried to maintain my cool and said, “I would like to meet with the school counselor first, one on one,” I paused, “After that, I will let you know of my decision.”

Let’s pause here for a second.

You might think at this point that I am one of those parents who simply cannot accept the truth that my son has some personality issues. But I truly believe that a mom knows deep down the difference between a child with emotional issues, and one who is being targeted by a very inept teacher. I now finally realized that it was my responsibility to be my son’s advocate. Since he is not old enough to defend himself, I, as the parent, should be holding the shield to make sure he’s being protected.

Queue the sound to the Rocky movie….

I did everything possible to investigate how this teacher could come to the conclusion that my son needed to see a counselor each week. I went online and searched through various topics and read a thousand and one articles; I talked to a child psychiatrist at Stanford University; I took him to Kaiser for an evaluation; I asked other moms for their opinions; and of course I did what every mother does behind closed doors…I cried. After talking with one of the room moms, to my relief, I received the insight that Collin was simply bored in the class. He wasn’t being challenged, no thanks to Ms. Pretentious who could have spent less time criticizing him, and more time finding ways to give him extra work.

I then went online and checked out the description of children who are advanced, and voila! Everything that Ms. Pretentious had said pointed to nothing more than Collin being advanced for his grade. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then printed two copies of the articles. I brought one copy to the dear Ms. Pretentious In return, she put them aside and told me, “Didn’t you know, I have a degree in child psychology. I know all this.”

Remember back in high school when you would sneeze and say “bullshit” at the same time? The temptation of doing that was so robust I had walk away quickly so I could sneeze in the car.

I waited two weeks to hear from her about the meeting with school counselor. I heard nothing, so I called her again and she replied she was working on it.
Shortly after that conversation, Collin came home crying. He told me Ms. Pretentious yelled at him in front of the class. Although this wasn’t the first time she had done that, this time she called him the class clown. I asked what had happened. He said everyone was talking but she singled him out. On top of it, she told him, “If you don’t stop talking I am going to have a word with your father!”

Oh, no she didn’t!

She now officially crossed the line. I was ready to drive down to school and pin Ms. Pretentious to the wall. Good thing it was Friday evening so I had the weekend to cool off. I left work early the following Monday and went to meet with the school principal. I told her the entire story, only to find out that the principal wasn’t aware that Ms. Pretentious was recommending my son to see the school counselor. I requested that the principal have a word with this bratty teacher suggesting that she cut out public humiliation and never again use the word ‘father’ as a threat to my child.

At the same time, I started looking for a school elsewhere; fortunately, I was able to get Collin into a Catholic school nearby. Despite the fact we aren’t Catholic, he did remarkably well in second grade, both academically and emotionally.

* * * * *

I later found out that many parents went through a similar situation and actually took their complaints to the school district. I did think about doing that but I was too afraid that Ms. Pretentious would retaliate on Collin even more.

At the end of the day, there is a moral to this story. I was given a chance to learn what it meant to be an advocate for my child. I was given the opportunity to find courage and confidence in defending my child. I have Ms. Pretentious to thank for pushing me to brink of insanity, and I would especially like to send her a few words of gratitude.

Dear Ms. Pretentious

I wanted to thank you for taking the time to create all the drama for us during my son’s first grade year. I would think that you would have needed the time for actually teaching, but considering the fact that my son did not actually learn anything positive in your class, it seems that perhaps education was not your first priority.

Truth be told, I do not believe my son learned a thing, academically, in your class. His reading level did not improve one bit due to all the effort you put in restraining him from reading books which he was more than able to read. But, because of you, I was given an opportunity to find the courage and confidence to defend my child and myself. Because of you, I learned how to be a great advocate for my child.

As I mentioned to you on numerous occasions, my number one goal is to ensure my child a happy childhood which will eventually sculpt him into a decent human being.
Collin is doing a marvelous job in second grade at the new school. He is, in fact, reading above his grade level. Despite the fact you viciously told him that he would get kicked out from the new school with his poor behavior, he now loves going to school, and plays numerous sports. Most of all, he does not have to feel guilty for reading books he really enjoys.

Regretfully yours,
Collin’s mom

A note from Collin’s mom: Not that grading matters to me, but Collin ranked 68 percentile on IOWA exam after completing first grade and 96 percentile after completing second grade.