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History Day Thesis

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When looking at my history day thesis and the effectiveness of it, I see that there is room for improvement. My topic for history day is Mission Dolores and the thesis which is associated with it is, “Native Americans who resided in the area between 1776-1780 where Mission San Francisco de Asís stands were forced into a compromise which favored the Spanish by manipulating them into religious conversion, violating their basic human rights, and stripping them of their native culture”. Rereading the thesis, I can see that there may be some confusion between the first and third prong of my three-prong thesis. Manipulations in religious conversion could be fit into the category of one’s native culture, which might stir a sense of confusion. There …show more content…
Since the thesis is a three-prong, each prong stands for an individual topic within my primary topic for history day. It is also organized in a sense where the order of each prong is the order in which they will appear in the essay. The beginning of the thesis serves as a sort of introduction to the topic and gives a short context on what it is. When looking at the organization of the thesis, I believe that is it set up well but can be changed and improved with simple syntax and diction additions, changes and/or removals. In the first two body paragraphs, I will talk about how the Spanish had manipulated and then forced the Ohlone Indians into conversion to Christianity. In the third and fourth paragraphs, I will talk about how the Spanish violated the basic human rights of the natives. Finally, I will address how the Spanish wished to change their day-to-day life routines and change their “savagery” into prime Spanish citizens. In the conclusion I plan on pulling them all together in order to fully explain the results of everything and connecting it all to the theme. Overall, I believe that my thesis is pretty solid and simply lacks in word organization and

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