...The Revenge of Lard Ass Hogan An essay based on the short story by the main character, Gordon Lachance, of the novel ”The Body” by Stephen King What is revenge - and does it always make people even? And is a story about a bullied boy who makes everyone puke on each other at a pie eating contest a good story? This essay will focus on the story telling skills of Gordon Lachance and revenge – especially the revenge of Davie Hogan also known as Lard Ass Hogan. Lets focus on Davie Hogan. He is characterized as a fat kid that nobody likes. He is about 12 years old, weights one-eighty and he is always getting beaten up. And if that wasn't enough he has got this awful nickname – Lard Ass Hogan. But one day he got fed up. So he decided to take revenge. Every year, on Pioneer Days, the town would have a pie eating contest – and Davie Hogan decides to make his move – not for the prize of 5 dollars, no; he has other plans. “ At school kids keep comin' up to him and sayin' Hey Lard ass, how many pies are ya gonna eat? Ya gotta eat ten? Twenty? Fuckin' eighty? And Lard Ass, he says, How should I know, I don't even know what kind they are.” Page 100, line 26-30 Before he attempts the pie eating contest Davie Hogan drinks three-quarters of a bottle of castor oil – his plan is to eat until he pukes and make everybody puke after wards. And if the audience pukes on each other it would be the ultimate plan. Because Davie Hogan has no intention of winning. “And besides, winning for...
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...some hot dogs when we finish tanning.” “But Zenda, i want to go swim when we finish tanning. Can’t you wait like an hour and a half?” said Wendi “No, I didn’t eat before we came” said Zenda "Please??????" "No it's not my fault you didn't eat before you came. I told you to eat before we left." said Wendi “I know but i thought i could get away with it. But obviously not.” “You know sometimes i wish i could see thing from your point of view, but i can’t get my head that far up my ass.” Said Wendi “My head is not up my ass, but your head is up your ass.” said Zenda Wendi did NOT like that remark once so ever. “Can’t we just work this out the proper way and talk like normal human beings?” said Zenda “NO!!!!” said Wendi “I HATE YOU” “WHY JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO EAT BEFORE WE GO SWIMMING?” said Zenda “Why can’t we just be friends and work through this?” “NO, I’m going swimming.” “Fine then i’ll go get myself some food” said Zenda “Actually you know what, Zenda?” “What Wendi?” “Why don’t you go and your food and ill tan for a little while longer. Then when you finish we can go swim together” “You know what Wendi, That is a great idea. I will be right back.” When Zenda got back Wendi was doing right what she said she would be doing. When Zenda finished eating she decided to apologize to Wendi. “Wendi?” “Yeah Zenda?” “Im sorry for insulting you. Do you forgive me?” “Yeah i do and im sorry i insulted you also. I...
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...THE VULGAR CHEF PRESENTS... ® EATCOOKBOOK LIKE S*HIT THE C HAPTER 1 Weclome to the book. S ECTION 1 Introduction ! Whats up mother fuckers? Welcome to the EAT LIKE SHIT COOKBOOK I’ve put together a fuck ton of shitty recipes...some new...some old...even a few healthy choices for you gym nazis and health food hardo’s. This isn't your typical Rachael fuckin’ Ray cookbook, this shit is way more legit. It’s so legit that a lot of the recipes don't even have measurements. Thats because the recipes suck and I want YOU to be your own Vulgar Chef. You call the shots in your kitchen. If I use six handfuls of bacon the fuck sprinkles, I want you to use 10. If I use bread....you use a sprinkled fuck doughnut. Ya dig? ! The instructions might be shot as fuck because I wrote this shit drunk as fuck with my hand in my pants. These recipes are here to inspire. I don't care what skill level of a cook/chef you are. Food shouldn't be boring and thats the fuckin message I’m sending with this bitch of a book. ! 2 ABOUT THE AUTHOR Kyle Marcoux was born and raised on the rugged as fuck streets of Western Massachusetts. As a child, his mother never let him have the laser back drop in his school photos...and that fucking sucked. He spent the majority of his teen years smoking pot out of sockets with his boys. Shortly after graduating High School, his band landed a record deal which led to full time touring of the US. This is where he developed a strong passion for shitty fucking value menu...
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...restaurants… Five things you might not know about restaurants… 1. Managing a Restaurant takes up all of your time When you decide to manage a restaurant, it’s worse than having a newborn child. You see, just like a child, it eats, breathes, shits, and cause havoc in your life. And just like a newborn child, it requires your constant attention. And like said new life in this world, you are ultimately responsible. It’s your day off? Fuck you! Somebody failed to show up for an important shift. You have a catering order to go out? You have to be there for it. You watch and plan everyday for as long as you’re in charge. Corporate makes you hire a new manager? Now you’re fucked. Not only are you responsible for making sure that they learn all the systems and procedures, you HAVE to let them fail so they can learn, only to clean up their mess. And as a training manager, you have the added cost of their labor on your books. Thank you powers that be! Let me hold some idiots’ hand and walk them through how to be a retard on my dime. Don’t get me wrong, we all need to learn and grow, but corporate doesn’t have to babysit. Speaking of babysitting… 2. The staff can be your worst nightmare. Imagine that you are in charge of a high school classroom. Now I want you to imagine that classroom trusted to bring paying guests their food and getting along with each other. Through PMS episodes. Through break-ups. Through holidays. Through cooks getting mad at servers for wearing the wrong kind...
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...I wake up to the sound of kaladet* from the monastery nearby. I break wind noisily, stretch lazily and get out of bed. It is 5 am already. Now, I’m late. I should have woken up when the cocks crow. I start a fire with the twigs my mother has collected. I put peas in an earthen pot, add water and put the pot on the fire. Then, I wash my face and, brush my teeth with salt and do my homework. My mother get up and keep an eye on the pot. When the peas are ready she put them in a basket, tell me that the peas are ready but are a bit undercooked and blame me for getting up late. I change my clothes and walk out, carrying the basket on my head. I plod along the badly rutted dirt road for a while, turn right and sashay along a tar road shouting pebyoke (boil peas). An old lady call me and buy some pebyoke. I walk along, wiggling my hips as I pass by a teashop where boys my age are having tea and chatting noisily. An old geezer call out: “pebyaw” (soggy peas). I tell him that my peas are not soggy today, but I refrain from telling him that they are undercooked. After walking around several roads and selling most of my peas, I return....
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...Old Testament Prophecies Micah 5:2 2 “But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans[a] of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times.” Malachi 3:1 3 “I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me. Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come,” says the Lord Almighty. Zechariah 9:9 9 Rejoice greatly, Daughter Zion! Shout, Daughter Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and victorious, lowly and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey. Psalm 41:9 9 Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me. Zechariah 11:12 12 And I said unto them, If ye think good, give me my price; and if not, forbear. So they weighed for my price thirty pieces of silver. Zechariah 11:13 13 And the Lord said unto me, Cast it unto the potter: a goodly price that I was prised at of them. And I took the thirty pieces of silver, and cast them to the potter in the house of the Lord. Isaiah 53:7 7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. Psalm 22:16 16 For dogs have compassed me: the assembly of the wicked have inclosed me: they pierced my hands and my feet. New...
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...Bree busts in yelling “Come on get up, you have to take me to school!” Marcus groans “Not so loud, I had a few drinks last night.” Bree quickly retorts “a few drinks my ass, you came in the house yelling and screaming about ” Marcus tiredly looks towards Bree and while wiping his eyes interrupting Bree, he says “hey, don’t cuss and what about the car I bought you a couple months ago, you know the one you wouldn’t stop begging me for?” Bree yells with an annoyed in from the other room “I still have that flat tire you keep promising to fix, and don’t you talk to me about not cussing, I hear how you and your friends talk!.” Marcus finally up and brushing his teeth says “Oh come on! How do you not know how to change a tire!?...and like anyone noticed but you.” Bree comes back in the room and yells “No one noticed!?That teacher still holds that against me!” Marcus laughingly says “Well he can shove it up his ass!” Bree sarcastically says “Hey don’t cuss!” Marcus peaks out of the bathroom putting on his shirt saying “fine, just go get the car started” A few minutes later in the car on the road Bree asks “Wait...this is not the way to the way to school.” Marcus replies “very good detective work Sherlock” Bree with a tid bit of attitude goes “but I need to go to school!” Marcus more sternly says “well I need to eat, and my hunger your education, seeing is how I am the one driving.”Marcus yells “HEY WATCH WHERE YOU'RE TURNING BUDDY AND USE YOUR SIGNAL! Bree goes...
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...you read this i did ask my homeboy if i could post this. SOOOO my friend is that mutha fucka thats on the freeway that likes to try and talk to girls you know. Never really met anyone or knew anyone that actually did this like this but umm yea its like stupid crazy to me. He's telling me how he does this. How he scopes the car out, how he checks for kids in the back seat, checks for the carseats, looking for who else is in the car and looking to see if there is a ring on the finger. Yea he got this shit down to science, no ifs ands or buts about it. He told me he got the idea from sitting in traffic and trying to cut in front of people to get to this one female. Like who does that, like im not in my damn car in traffic thinking damn maybe i can get some booty on the freeway we stopped anyway. Pull up to the window like Burger king asking your vehicle or mine.What the fuck hell nah. But at this point i'm like you whatever you cant be serious with this. He's like "im as serious as beating some one elses bad ass kids in the movies" . So yea um i was like well then i have to see this for my self. He goes on to tell me he get some girls numbers others flip him off all times of things. He get flashed and all this other shit that is like beyond belief on a damn freeway. Ok so now i got to see this for my self i want to get flash too, (dont judge me *sniffle sniffle* i want to see something tooooo lol). Now its the day of and im thinking to my damn self what do i wear do i just put on a...
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...30 DA S OF DISCIPLINE 30 DA S OF DISCIPLINE A G idebook o Becoming a Di ciplined A b Vic o P ide -Kicke In od c ion o 30 Da of Di cipline 1 - A Fea Fi fo he God 2 - Ri e and Shine, he Clock i Ticking and he Da i Wa ing 3 - Comfo able? No Af e Thi 4 - Will Wanke , Le Me In od ce Yo o Bill Bada 5 - Yo Bod i a Weapon 6-D e o Imp e , D e fo S cce 7 - Do Wha Yo Need To Do 8 - S and Tall and P o d like a Lion 9 - No E c e , No E plana ion , No BS 10 - Keep Tho e Idea W i en Do n 11 - Yo P po e He e 12 - On he Se en h Da He Re ed (B No fo oo Long) Concl ion BOLD & DETERMINED 1 30 DAYS OF DISCIPLINE Introduction to 30 Da s of Discipline A young marine recruit w ill get off the bus at Parris Island, South Carolina. The young recruit w ill have led a life void of discipline, pride, physical fitness and strength of character. He has led a lazy life of w atching TV and eating junk food and surfing the internet to play games and w atch pornography. So far he has been unable to tame his vices or say no. He has been unable to stop snacking on fattening foods. He has been unable to stick to an exercise plan. He is not successful w ith w omen because he spends his time on the internet. He dresses sloppily and doesn't take pride in his appearance. When his family sees him after bootcamp it s like he is a brand new man. He stands up straight, proud and tall. His clothing is perfectly tailored, fitting, spotless. His fat is gone, replaced w ith muscles he never had before. He...
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...clock woke my ass up at 5:15. I repeat 5:15! From what I'm used to, waking up before the sun rises is ungodly! Not even the beasts of the earth are awake before the sun is. I groggily strut into the bathroom to shit, shower, and shave, and then race out the door to my job. Pissed off, as I am every morning, I manage my way through the day, working as little as possible, and socializing as much as I can. My boss is like eagle eye though. Being the dick that he is everytime he sees me talking he comes and yells at me. “Maaaaaatt!! Get back to your workstation!” The nerve of some people! People need to learn how to chill out and take a chill pill. As soon as my work was finished I clocked out and snuck out the back door. No way in hell I was letting that fat ass, tell me to help out another work area. If I wanted overtime I would have come in early. Because the lunch served today was basically inedible I was freaking starving! Free lunch or not, make me something worth eating. My dogs wouldn't even eat that pulled pork shit. I make my way over to subway to grab a foot long. Just as I pulled into the parking lot, I hear those dreaded sirens, and see the lights in my mirror I scream out in frustration, and think to myself “what else can go wrong today?” I get ticketed for no seatbelt and my tail light being out. Communist police are wasting their time on me when they should be out stopping crime. I didn't even do anything! Why am I always the victim? I devour my sub,...
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...I going to profile a place called Red robins in novi Samer Charif 9/30/10 English 1510 “I’m Not Leaving Until I Eat This Thing” p.79-82 #1-3 . Description Ragged white fat Good parts Bad parts Kool aid red slurry hot sauce, vinegar, salt and food coloring All fat 100% meat, no bristle no bone They look like candy Color of Cordovan Coral crescent of meat Soft flesh Tastes like flaccid cracklin’ Unmistakably porcine I don’t need any more explanation on how the pickled pig lips look like because the description in the passage was vivid enough. First of all I don’t eat pork and It smells bad, to top it off it makes me want to vomit Audrey, staring is straight at me, she fixes me with a look just this side of pity and asks, [“Are you going to eat that thing or make love to it?”] Paragraph 13 Her nephew, Jerry, slides up to a bar stool on my left, [“A lot of people like ‘em with chips”] Paragraph 15 Sensing my relief, Jerry leans over and peers into my bag. [“Kind of look like frosted flakes, don’t they?”]Paragraph 19 The passage was very interesting and suspenseful. Despite the fact of Edge knowing that going to the place where pickled pig lips are consumed may not be such a good idea he goes anyways. He was very hesitant to eat the pickled pig lips first hand but eventually ate them. Each absolute phrase tries to keep the reader reading and also tries to see how readers could see what Edge could see with his eyes. Their different because they describe...
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...Molly's) You ain't talking money I don't hear ya, you ain't gotta touch me, I don't feel ya That skrilla, that skrilla, boy I'm 'bout my skrilla All my niggas monkey's, we gorillas All my niggas clutchin', we Some hittas Birds on my timeline, call it Twitter [Verse 1] I'm coming through me and all my Boys Smoking Loud I Ain't Hearing You Kodak Bring The Noise Every Year, Christmas Day I Ain't Wanna Play With Toys Project Baby Came From Hot Wheels To Riding In A Foreign And My Diamonds Came From Tokyo Yoin Yoin Yoin Power House Come From Tokyo I Call Em Ching Choing Money Grow On Trees Can You Show Me Where You Grew That Bitch You Could Have A Fine Ass Girl, You'll Switch-A-Roo That Bitch Boy You Know That Its Lil Kodak You Already Knew That Shit Im Bout My Cheese Cheddar Chip That Codeine My Medicine From The Noya 1800 Block Yeah I Represent I Got Lots Of Gwop Thats Why Im Arrogant (10 Toes Down) [Hook] In the club boppin' with my niggas All of us rockin' on 'em jiggas (On Them Molly's) You ain't talking money I don't hear ya, you ain't gotta touch me, I don't feel ya That skrilla, that skrilla, boy I'm 'bout my skrilla All my niggas monkey's, we gorillas All my niggas clutchin', we Some hittas Birds on my timeline, call it Twitter [Verse 2] Im Pulling Up On Yo Ass You Owe Me Something Early Morning Riding Round Getting That Money I Ask Them For A Plate They Left Me Hungry So Im Out Here Wilding Out With My Youngins I Need That Skrilla, This Lil...
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...This should be highly stylized, with all the actors saying most of their lines to the audience. | | [Lights up on BOB with some drawings.]BOB: Eureka ! I love Capitalism! I’m Bob. And I’ve finally finished the plans for a prototype of my new invention. It will help all human kind! And it will make me rich! It’s a called a Whats-it! I need to start mass producing it immediately. Hmm. What I need is a manufacturer! [A MANUFACTUER wearing a three piece suit and LABORER wearing overalls enter arm in arm.] Hey! You’re a manufacturer! [Approaching.] Can you manufacture this!?MANUFACTUER: [Looking at Whats-it.] What? Hmm. Depends. I don’t know. Do I know you?BOB: No.MANUFACTURER: [Giving back Whats-it.] Fuck off.BOB: Now what do I do?LABORER: [Shaking hands with BOB.] Bob! How ya doin’! Remember me?BOB: No.LABORER: I’m your friend! I work my ass off for this Manufacturer to earn worthless stock options.BOB: Well maybe you can help me. I invented this Whats-it and I need to manufacture it.LABORER: Sure! I can help you! I can get my manufacturer to produce OUR invention buddy. You got a lawyer?BOB: No.LABORER: You don’t? Wait. Are you sure I know you? Who are you? I don’t know you. Fuck off.MANUFACTURER: You heard the man. Fuck off![LAWYER runs in.]LAWYER: Hey! You need a lawyer? You need a lawyer? I’m a lawyer. I’ll help you. I would fuck a goat for your money. You got money?...
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...Chris Allen They say I say essay 5/19/16 IS IT CHEATING? If you could spend a couple hundred dollars to get noticed by that girl who otherwise wouldn't give u the time of day would you? Or for those of you who aren't exactly a spring chicken anymore, what would you pay to feel and look better than you did in your prime? What about you gym Junkies that spend hundreds of dollars on supplements protein powders and gym memberships but you can't get anywhere. At least anywhere close to any goal you've ever set for yourself. And you're definitely not anywhere close to having the body you want. what would you be willing to sacrifice or pay? All these things can be achieved with a simple injection a couple times a week for a couple months. For those of you who can't handle needles there's a pill. You guessed it steroids. Steroids have been given a bad reputation. Mostly due to overuse and abuse. Steroids can do amazing things if properly used. Let’s be honest. Fair amounts of us are doing far more damage to our livers consuming alcohol, Friday nights. This damage is far more than a healthy bodybuilder who eats good and exercises could possibly be doing with his use of an oralbased substance. Besides, the liver is the fastest repairing organ in the human body, so even if you did some minimal damage with an oral steroid, a little liver cleanse from your local GNC will have you good as new in no time. What makes me mad is anytime I hear anything about steroids all I hear is crap...
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...“Because I want to be independent,” she puffed, taking a thirty second break before fetching out a key to open the door. “These stairs get me every single time.” We walked in and her loud mouth ass began yelling. “Mom! Mom we’re here!” “Why are you… WHAT THE FUCK!” “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “Well, please try and restrict yourself from using profanity; my mom hates it.” “Got it.” In the middle of the room was a little girl lying facedown on the floor with her arms and legs spread apart. Is she dead? Was my reason two from our movie date on the money? Does Ariana and her folks get their jollies from murdering little kids and laying their dead corpse’s around the house? Am I the next victim? Damnit, I fell into a trap. I should’ve learned...
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