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It's Not so Lonely Being Single

In: English and Literature

Submitted By shell7664
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It’s Not So Lonely Being Single In the words of Jo Coudert, “You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose" (131). I could not agree more with Coudert. People should not sacrifice themselves in order to be loved. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. Being single can be very liberating; there are financial upsides to singlehood versus marriage as well as having the freedom to live your life without having to consider someone else first. There are many issues folks are not exposed to which couples have to deal with throughout their relationship. People often assume their single friends are lonely. As for me, I do not believe simply because a person lives the single life means he or she is lonely. Think of the financial advantages unattached people have compared to those in a relationship. In 2011, the average wedding budget in the United States was $27,021 (Jaeger). In the same year, couples spent an average of $15,000 to get divorced (Alterman). Washington State had 41,509 marriages in 2011 and 26,860 divorces and/or annulments (Center for Health Statistics, Washington State Department of Health, Table 1 and Table 5). Altogether, Washingtonians could have saved over a trillion dollars simply by not getting married in the first place. Also, take into consideration all the special occasions you spend money on throughout the course of a relationship: romantic dates, birthday presents, gifts for their family and friends, anniversary celebrations and vacations. Financial difficulties within a couple often cause the demise of a relationship. These are all examples of financial woes single people do not have the burden of dealing with. Men and women who are single experience an independence which people tend to lose when entering into a relationship. Professional writer Kate Taylor, contributor to ehow.com said this regarding being single: When you are in a relationship, you have to be concerned about the feelings of your partner. Once you are single, you get to make plans that feel right for you. You don't have to ask anyone if they care if you hang out with the girls. You can feel free to go out and meet new people, have conversations and even go on some dates. Being single allows you the social freedom to do what feels best for you, without having to worry about what someone else thinks. (Taylor)

I know many who people who lost a sense of who they are after being in a long term relationship, including myself. They realize they have become a version of themselves which their significant other has created. By the end of the only long term relationship I have ever had I realized: all of the things I gave up, which I loved, because my boyfriend did not like them and I no longer felt like myself anymore. People also end up depending on their significant other for providing happiness and forget how to be happy on their own. When you are single, you are the only one who is responsible for your own happiness. Granted, there may be outside influences which can affect how happy you are, but ultimately it is up to you. I believe those who are happy with themselves do not experience the loneliness of those who are not.
Codependency is an unhealthy side effect of being in a relationship which you do not even realize happens until you are single again. “Some people criticize the codependency movement and say that it's created more loneliness. They argue that relationships are nurturing and that we're naturally meant to be dependent. I couldn't agree more, but the point is that codependent relationships are not only painful, but are sometimes destructive” (Lancer). Men and women become so dependent on each other when they are with someone, they will stay with them regardless of any physical, mental or emotional abuse inflicted by their significant other. They develop a fear of being alone and the thought of supporting themselves is terrifying. Why anyone would choose to be in an abusive relationship instead of leaving is beyond me.
There are other benefits to living on your own besides the financial upside and the freedom of being single. You don’t have to worry about what your new “family” will think of you. Elite Daily interviewer Evelyn Pelczar stated, “When you’re in a relationship, you’re not just in a relationship with the girl/guy, but you’re in it with their family, friends and even their pets. Chances are there’s someone in their circle you’re not going to like” (Pelczar). There is no pressure to get everyone’s approval. The only person’s approval you need is yours.
The emotional roller coaster is something I do not miss riding when you are involved with someone. At first, everything is exciting and new, but if things do not stay interesting for both parties and one or both people cease to be happy, the bond will not last. Some people get bored and will end up cheating. Others will just keep dragging out the relationship until the other person calls it quits. Anyway it ends; both people are left being alone with their heartache, along with many other emotions depending on how the break up goes down.
I think Orson said it best: “We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone” (Welles). Our family, friends and loved ones fill in the time which we would otherwise be spending alone, something we are all grateful for I am sure. Personally, I think friends and family, and maybe an occasional loved one, are enough for me. With all the benefits that come along with living the single life: large financial burdens are avoided, independence becomes valued, the realization it is okay to be on your own; to me, it seems like an easy choice. All of these things are why some of us choose to be single. Remember, loneliness is not always something that comes along with being single, especially for those of us who embrace being with ourselves without having a significant other; people can be in a marriage or relationship with someone and still feel alone.

Works Cited
Alterman, Elizabeth. “Divorce Can Cost You Over and Over.” cnbc.com. cnbc.com, 4 May 2011. Web. 3 August 2013.
Center for Health Statistics, Washington State Department of Health. “Table 1. Marriages by County of Occurrence and County of Residence¹, 2011.” www.doh.wa.gov. September 2012. Web. 2 August 2013.
Center for Health Statistics, Washington State Department of Health. “Table 5. Divorces and Annulments by Number of Children¹ and County of Wife's
Residence², 2011.” www.doh.wa.gov. September 2012. Web. 2 August 2013.
Coudert, Jo. Advice from a Failure. Bloomington: iUniverse, Incorporated, 2003. Print. 1 August 2013.
Jaeger, Chris. “Real Wedding 2011 Survey Release by The Knot.” weddingindustrystatistics.com. weddingindustrystatistics.com, 27 March 2012. Web. 3 August 2013.
Lancer, Darlene. “Codependent Problems in Relationships.” ezinearticles.com. ezinearticles.com. 2012. Web. 5 August 2013
Pelczar, Evelyn. “10 Reasons Why Being Single is Better than a Relationship.” elitedaily.com. elitedaily.com, 29 March 2013. Web. 2 August 2013.
Taylor, Kate. “Reasons Why Being Single Is Better.” ehow.com. ehow.com, no date available. Web. 2 August 2013.
Welles, Orson. Orson Welles Quotes. orsonwelles.org. 28 August 2012. Web. 4 August 2013.

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