David Beckham has classic (and irritating) good looks and at one point, was the world’s greatest soccer player. So needless to say, he and I don’t have much in common but Mr. Beckham was once quoted saying “when you have kids you do grow up. I have just started realizing it now-it changes the world, having children.” Well said Mr. Beckham, well said. I cannot really say when it hit me that I became a true parent and mature adult. I’ve always considered myself young at heart. I don’t know if it was just last year as I was sitting in my barracks room and it dawned on me that I had never read my daughter a story or book, this realization brought me to an uncontrollable sob. All in all, it could have been and probably was the very day that my daughter was born. The experience of witnessing my daughter being born was second to nothing I had experienced or ever will experience in my lifetime.
If I think about a story that I would want to tell, I will always come back to the day Vanessa, my daughter, was born. It was 10:38 AM on Sunday, January 25th 2004, and her mother and I were no longer together nor living together. That morning, I woke up to a voice message from Vanessa’s soon to be grandmother saying that Liz, Vanessa’s mother, was having contractions and was in labor and was en-route to the hospital. I remember sitting there, listening to the voicemail, and it still hadn’t hit me yet. It felt so surreal and I thought to myself “Ok, it’s finally here, now what….” Even though I had had nine months and then some, I still wasn’t ready. Even getting ready to go to the hospital I kept thinking to myself, “what’s next, what do I do”. I can tell you right now that I don’t remember my trip to the hospital, but I do remember the friction between Liz, her mother, and myself. Unfortunately, we weren’t on great terms so it was an awkward vibe in the reception area as well as in the delivery room. One of the rare non awkward and more at ease moments was when Liz’s mom said to me “Don’t worry Nathin, after dealing with Liz and the new baby you’ll want to have more experience drinking!”. The delivery room experience wasn’t seamless in any way and I wasn’t in the room the entire time. In fact, the doctors would ask me to leave when things like the epidural and petocin were being administered and when they broke Liz’s water. The time between when they broke the water and when Liz was really supposed to start pushing is all of a blur but when it came to when Vanessa was about to be born, I was to Liz’s right and holding one of her legs. That solitary experience, I realize as I think back, is something that no one can every fully prepare for, emotionally, physically, etc.
I still didn’t feel ready for it even though Vanessa was almost a full week late. As I’m standing next to Liz, I can start to see Vanessa crowning and with each push and contraction and scream or moan or pain from Liz, Vanessa’s head was protruding more and more. However, the farther along Vanessa was, the more I was relegated into a spectator position with the doctors and nurses taking more of a front seat and the tools or other contraptions being used to help get Vanessa out. In fact, it was one of these tools that were used that actually left two little parallel scars on Vanessa’s head. It was also about this time where I started to get much more emotional and light headed. As I became a bit more woozy I was further away from the action but shortly after, I regained my wits about me and I went back to my position at Liz’s side.
It felt like 3 seconds while simultaneously feeling like an eternity when Vanessa was first fully out but still attached while we waited to hear Vanessa cry. All worst case scenarios were playing through my head at once and I went from emotional about the experience to emotional and worried father all in one fell swoop. When she finally let out those first sounds, it was the biggest relief ever while also continuing to keep me strapped in to the crazy emotional rollercoaster I was on while being the most wonderful noise I had ever heard. I barely remember cutting the umbilical cord, but I remember my eyes being filled with tears and the instructions to pinch down before I cut. They handed me the scissors, told me to squeeze and right after, they rushed her off, as they do, to do the full check and all of the battery of tests. Her official birth time was 5:47 pm and after Vanessa was rushed off, Liz was also removed from the delivery room and taken to the recovery room. To my surprise, when I go out to the waiting room, I find that my best friend Tyler as well as my roommate, Sean were there waiting for me.
Throughout the entire experience, and the situation between Liz’s mother and I, Liz and I and life in general, all of it was made insignificant when they handed me the little burrito wrapped infant that was my daughter. Being able to hold up my little peanut and showing her off to my best friend, now her “Uncle” Tyler, and holding her made all of the stress and struggles and countless hours on the couch talking to Vanessa while she was in Liz’s stomach worth it. I still swear there is some tryptophan like smell that newborns have because there were so many times that we would just take naps together, Vanessa and I, and it was just comfortable and safe.