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Living with Strangers

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Submitted By FrederikNyborg
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Living With Strangers
Moving to a new place can be hard. You exchange your old surroundings with completely new ones, you have to change old habits, and you need to go out and explore new places and meet new people. This progress can be hard for some people and it will take a long time to get used to your new surroundings. Siri Hustvedt talks about this in “Living With Strangers” from 2002.
In the essay Siri Hustvedt describes her experience when she moved from Minnesota to New York In 1978. The fact that it was brought in The New York Times might indicate that her essay presents the reality of the people of New York. The essay also appears like it was written to people who already have some knowledge about New York as an example she writes: “… was traveling uptown on the Second Avenue bus. At Twenty-Fourth Street …” (line 23-24 page 6). This would mean nothing to people who don’t know anything about the streets of New York and their bus system.
During her essay Hustvedt reflects on the difference between her new home New York and her old home in Minnesota. She especially points out the fact, that in Minnesota everybody used to say “hi” to everybody, even people you didn’t know. Not even was it seen as being rude, but you could actually be looked at as a snob, which was the worst thing you could be looked at, but in New York it’s an entirely different story. Here it’s totally impossible to say hi to everybody, and nobody cares if you say hi to them because people don’t even acknowledge that you are there, they bump into you and elbow you as you walk through the streets. She also thinks that the urban life is lonely and hostile “Most of the time, we insulate ourselves out of necessity…” (line 107-108 page 8) this might be why the essay is called “Living With Strangers”.
This might be caused by the unwritten law of New York the “Pretend it isn’t happening law” which she claims every New Yorker uses. This law is used by the New Yorkers to protect themselves against others, and the best way to do that, is to pretend things around you aren’t happening. She gives us three examples of situations where the law has been used. First she tells us about her Iranian friend who witnesses a lady who wears nothing but a bathrobe, and is about to enter the bus. The Iranian friend had been staring at the women, but when he realized he was the only one he was ashamed of himself. Secondly she tells us of a train ride she once had, where a man is shouting verses from Revelation, and tell people that 9/11 was God’s punishment for their sins. Even though she can feel the people around her hears him, nobody turns to him and confront him of his provoking claims. Finely she describes another train ride she had, this time with her husband. This time she sad at the same row as a man with a very hostile aura. Even though she sat twenty yards away from him, he spits on her when he leaves the train and nobody acts, not even her husband, who later said that if there had been more spit on her he would have acted, did nothing.
Hustvedt isn’t a fan of this law as she makes it clear with this quote “To live in strict accordance to the Pretend Law all the time would be unbearably dull” (line 104-105 page 8). To support this she also has a story, this time it’s about her daughter Sophie.
Sophie is, like all other New Yorkers, following the “Pretend it isn’t happening law”. Every day she walks around with her Walkman in her ears she shuts out the outside world. This worked for her, until one day she had a very bad experience on the train. A white guy in his thirties was staring shamelessly on her and she felt very uncomfortable and when he finally left the car he knocked on the glass and told her he loved her. Nobody around her reacted at first and Sophie was very embarrassed, but then the man next to her said “It looks like you have an admirer” and Sophie felt relieved and as Hustvedt says it “With those few words, and at no cost to himself, he gave her what she needed - a feeling of ordinary human solidarity” (line 95-96 page 8).
In the essay genre you typically write about your own experiences which Hustvedt does throughout her entire essay. This also makes the essay more trustworthy which for us readers make it more relatable, by being a trustworthy author Hustvedt uses ethos since the reader has to trust that what she is saying is true. Another important part of the essay genre is to reflect which Hustvedt does when she compares Minnesota and New York, especially in New York. In an essay you often talk about different experiences which Hustvedt also does “my body pressed so tightly against them, I could smell their hair oils, perfumes, and sweat” (line 15-16 page 6). In an essay you also often describe the atmosphere of a situation, which Hustvedt also does “I could feel the cold, stiff resistance to his words among the passengers, but not a single one of us turned to look at him”.
It can be hard to move to a new city, it can take some time to get used to new places and new routines, but it’s important not to isolate yourself, and try to acknowledge each other’s existence, as you don’t know what a friendly comment at the right time might do to some people. “Most of the time, we insulate ourselves out of necessity, but every once in a while we break through to one another and discover unexpected depths of intelligence or heart or just plain sweetness” - “Living With Strangers”, line 107-109 page 8, Siri Hustvedt, The New York Times, 2002.

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