Marriage: A Defining Relationship

Marriage, what is it? What does it entail? Are there different kinds of marriage institutions? There are numerous differences of what people in society think makes a marriage. Marriage between a man and a woman; between a man and multiple women; between two women or two men. Which one is correct? Does one have more positive aspects to it and society than the others? There is a growing controversy as to what should be allowed in society by law, for a marriage. Thousands of people believe that marriage is only between a man and a woman, and on the other side, thousands of people believe that same-sex marriage should be legal and provide all the rights as one man and one woman marriages. In my paper I will discuss the differences in the types of marriage, and what I believe to be the only correct and proper way to have a marriage; between one man and one woman. Children need to be brought into this world with a father and mother that love them, and that honor each other and their marriage. “Research findings suggest the value of healthy marriages for child well-being, for adult social and emotional health, and for economic and societal stability.” (Brotherson and Duncan).
Marriage between one man and one woman has been around since the beginning of time. According to the Holy Bible, Christians believe that God married Adam and Eve, the first man and woman on the Earth, in the Garden of Eden, and commanded them to “multiply and replenish the earth.” How then can one say that it is ok for same-sex marriages to be allowed? President Hugh B. Brown, First Counselor in the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said, “It is plain that God intended that man and woman should become one. By personally officiating at this first wedding, He sanctified the institution of marriage. It is a normal, healthful, and desirable state and was instituted to fulfill God’s purpose in the earth. It is the central element in the domestic establishment. It is more than a human institution to be regulated solely by custom and civil law. It is more than a contract under the sanction of moral law.” W. Douglas Shumway, of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said, “In a society where marriage is often shunned, parenthood avoided, and families degraded, we have the responsibility to honor our marriages, nurture our children, and fortify our families.” Marriages are being attacked at an increasingly alarming rate. According to divorcerate.org, the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%, the divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%, and the divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%.1 We must do everything in our power to protect the sanctity of marriage, for our children’s sake. “Honoring marriage requires that spouses render love, respect, and devotion to one another…Marriage is meant to be and must be a loving, binding, harmonious relationship between a man and a woman.” (Shumway). Marriage has always been considered a sacred covenant between a man and a woman by the power of God; that is why a Priest or Bishop or similar conducts the ceremony. “Marriage is and should be a sacrament. The word sacrament is variously defined, but among Christian people it signifies a religious act or ceremony, solemnized by one having proper authority. It is a pledge, or solemn covenant, a spiritual sign or bond between the contracting parties themselves and between them and God.” (H. B. Brown).

There are some people however, that don’t believe the Bible’s definition of marriage to be the only way. Lesbians and gay men have been fighting for equal rights in marriage for years now. A quote by A. Walen in1997, says “Until very recently the majority of Americans believed that marriage between same-gender couples was wrong.” (Avery, Chase and Johansson). F. Newport said, “In 1999 two-thirds of Americans thought that gay and lesbian couples should not have the same rights as heterosexual couples when it comes to marriage.” (Avery, Chase and Johansson). Society has declined as the family has been attacked. Families are being broken and changed into many views. There are single parents, gay or lesbian parents, grandparents raising their grandchildren, and the standard husband and wife. Children need the influence of each gender parent in their lives. We can see in society, the effects of only having one gender parent. Boys are not growing up into honorable, responsible men if they don’t have a father in their lives that loves them and respects them and teaches them how to be a man. Girls are not growing up into righteous, nurturing mothers without the virtuous influence of a mother that loves and respects them and teaches them how to be a woman. Yes there will always be the exception to the example, but the majority of society’s downfall comes back to the family breakdown.
Since marriage between a man and a woman is the accepted type of marriage, there are laws to protect each party in the case of a divorce or death. If the husband dies, the wife automatically has custody of the children and all the assets that they shared in the marriage and vice versa. At this time, gay men and lesbians don’t have those same rights because their marriages are not considered legal. “Same-sex marriages would grant to gays and lesbians the rights attached to marriages that are presently denied to them. Unlike married opposite-sex couples, gays and lesbians with children are unable to have custody automatically passed to their partner at their death. Similarly, without a will, gays and lesbians cannot ensure that their estates will pass to their partner. Without being married, gays and lesbians cannot even file joint tax returns.” (Bolte).
According to Wikipedia, the gay and lesbian lifestyle has been around since “9660 to 5000 BC” where “Mesolithic rock art in Sicily…depicts homosexual intercourse.” Yet around “1790 BC the Babylonian king Hammurabi prescribed monogamy [between a man and woman] in his ancient law code.” (Callaway).There has always been people who believe in the rights of gay men and lesbians. I am not arguing for or against those rights. Children of same-sex parents have undoubtedly been the victims of bullying, abuse and teasing. This causes lower self-esteem, and a mistrust of fellow human beings. They can grow up with confusing self-images, not knowing what is wrong or right. Depression ensues and some children can think they are themselves gay or lesbian because it’s what they’ve grown up with and learned. This can open another world of teasing and bullying that have in the past several years brought about suicides and abuse. Jessica2, a friend of my daughter, is a bi-sexual girl and is the daughter of lesbians. She told me she has had to keep it a secret from her friends about her mom’s being lesbians. Her friends have teased other classmates about their parents being gay or lesbian and she doesn’t want to go through that ridicule. Even though she is a very tough girl physically and mentally, she still protects herself against the abuse that comes from having lesbian parents. Her biological mom doesn’t tell her boss or co-workers that she is a lesbian because of the prejudice that comes. This is not a healthy way to live for anyone, to have to hide from others so they aren’t ridiculed.
Plural marriage has also been around for decades. “The polygamy in the US has been present for a very long period of time. It all started back in the time when the Native American tribes were practicing it, however most of the time it was only polygyny, where the men had more than one wife. After that when the European settlers have come they have took very often native wives and since these native wives allowed them to do it, they have adopted the practice. Some of these tribes have also continued to use the polygamy practice in the 20th century also. (sic)” (Polygamy).
On TLC, (The Learning Channel), there is a popular yet controversial television show called “Sister Wives” about a man named Kody Brown that has married one woman legally, named Meri, yet has taken 3 other wives in a “religious ceremony” (K. Brown). His other wives are Janelle, Christine and most recent wife Robyn; together they have 16 children and 4 homes. Kody has to divide his time between all four wives and their children AND still have time to work to support them all. On the show you see him always running back and forth between the homes to try to see everyone. The wives all get along with each other and support each other which is a good thing. The wives help with babysitting each other’s children, and cooking, and sleep overs. It is a mini community of sorts if you think about it. They have 16 people to play with and 4 moms to complain to/about. However, they have been ridiculed to the point of being kicked out of their long time home. They had to move out of Utah when the authorities found out that they were practicing polygamy, since it is not legal. They moved to Las Vegas, Nevada where apparently everything is legal. Their kids were uprooted from their home, school, friends and a supportive community/church. Now they have no church congregation to receive support from, friends that they try to keep in the dark about their family and 4 separate homes instead of one huge home for everyone.
“Polygamy — or more correctly polygyny, the marriage of more than one woman to the same man — was a part of the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for a half-century. The practice began during the lifetime of Joseph Smith but became publicly and widely known during the time of Brigham Young. In 1831, Church founder Joseph Smith made a prayerful inquiry about the ancient Old Testament practice of plural marriage. This resulted in the divine instruction to reinstitute the practice as a religious principle. Latter-day Saint converts in the 19th century had been raised in traditional, monogamous homes and struggled with the idea of a man having more than one wife. It was as foreign to them as it would be to most families today in the western world, and even Brigham Young, who was later to have many wives and children, confessed to his initial dread of the principle of plural marriage. Subsequently, in 1890, President Wilford Woodruff, fourth president of the Church, received what Latter-day Saints believe to be a revelation in which God withdrew the command to practice plural marriage. He issued what has come to be known as the "Manifesto," a written declaration to Church members and the public at large that stopped the practice of plural marriage.” (Newsroom).

Today however, there is still a sect called the Fundamentalist Latter-day Saints that broke away from the mainstream Mormons to continue the practice of polygamy. They have no connection whatsoever with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, even though many still continue to confuse the two. Warren Jeffs, self-proclaimed Prophet of the FLDS community, is the most popular name connected to this FLDS community as he has been arrested and charged as “an accomplice to rape.” (Anderson). The FLDS community believes that polygamy is still a commandment and they continue to practice, with one man, Joe Jessop, having as many as “46 children and--at last count--239 grandchildren.” (Anderson).
Polygamy cannot be said to have many positive attributes to bring to society. The same can be said for gay or lesbian marriage. While every person in the United States has a right to their beliefs, some beliefs are just fundamentally wrong when you look at society and the effects it has on everyone.
Marriage between one man and one woman is the best option for a marriage, and for a family to flourish. It gives children the best possible options to grow up into fully functioning, healthy, adults. “As parents, we must regard our children as gifts from God and be committed to making our homes a place to love, train, and nurture our sons and daughters.” (Shumway).

Works Cited
Anderson, Scott. "The Polygamists. (Cover Story)." National Geographic 217.2 (2010): 34-61. Web. 9 Oct 2012. .
Avery, Alison, et al. "America's Changing Attitudes toward Homosexuality, Civil Unions, and Same-Gender Marriage; 1977-2004." National Association of Social Workers 52.1 (2007): 71-79. 5 Oct 2012.
Bolte, Angela. "Do Wedding Dresses Come in Lavender? The Prospects And Implications Of Same-Sex Marriage." Social Theory & Practice 21.1 (1998): 111. Web. 5 Oct 2012.
Brotherson, Sean E. and William C. Duncan. "Rebinding the Ties that Bind: Government Efforts to Preserve and Promote Marriage." Family Relations 53.5 (2004): 459-468. Web. 5 Oct 2012. .
Brown, Hugh B. "The Latter-day Saint Concept of Marriage." Liahona. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, June 2011. Web. 5 Oct 2012. .
—. "The Latter-day Saint Concept of Marriage." Liahona. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, June 2011. Web. 5 Oct 2012.
Brown, Kody. Sister Wives. TLC. 2011. Television. 2012. .
Callaway, Ewen. "Monogamy And Marriage May Suit Men After All." New Scientist 205.2742 (2010): 13. Web. 5 Oct 2012. .
Holy Bible. King James version. n.d. Book. 5 Oct 2012.
Newsroom. n.d. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Web. 8 Oct 2012. .
Polygamy. n.d. Web. 8 Oct 2012. .
Shumway, W. Douglas. "Marriage and Family: Our Sacred Responsibility." Liahona. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, May 2004. Web. 5 Oct 2012. .
Timeline of LGBT history. n.d. Web. 8 Oct 2012. .
TLC. "Sister Wives." TLC, n.d. Web. 8 Oct 2012. . www.divorcerate.org. n.d. Web. 5 Oct 2012.