Although he had always been quiet, she had never seen him like this. He always had a sense of strength, of determination to him before but now, it was gone. When she looked at him, she could see the weariness, the resignation... He kept telling her that it was alright, that his faith was still strong but deep down, she was worried sick. It was dead obvious that all was not okay, that he doubted the cause just as she now did.
A year had passed since his awakening and nothing had changed. All of her research, all of the sacrifices, all of his battles... it had changed nothing. When Copy-X died, everyone expected things to calm down but the X Guardians had resumed the crusade as if nothing had happened, taking things into their hands. Then when Omega had been defeated and the Dark Elf neutralized, Dr Weil was to become nothing but a bad memory, an impotent madman reduced to curse the world with his tongue. But he had slithered his way back into Neo Arcadia as if he still owned the place. And now, with the X Guardians defeated as well, Dr Weil took command and everything returned to the same situation they were at before she had awakened Zero in the first place.
Had it been worth it? And now, they were fighting again to prevent Dr Weil from yet again ruining everything he could touch and yet again, sacrifices had been made, sacrifices that weighted heavily on everyone. Craft... he had wished to protect those he lived, to change the world and put an end to an era of misery. In the end, he had been an instrument of misery himself.
And now, Ragnarok was coming crashing down. Zero's words echoed inside of her mind, filling her heart with a nameless fear.
He had told Craft he had failed because weapons of war could not change the world, that only humans such as herself could change the world.
She had heard him and she knew that in a way, it had been meant to calm her down... yet, as the full significance of the words sunk in, her entire body found itself chilled by the implications. Things were definitely not okay. They had ceased to be a long while ago. And now, Zero was about to go on what was amounting to be another suicide mission.
She tried to reassure herself. After all, this was not the first suicide mission. To dive into an oceanic abyss without protection, to wander into gamma ray-soaked wastelands, to fearlessly plunge into enemy territory cutting his way through security systems as if they weren't there... Zero had faced countless impossible odds and she knew from the history logs that he had been doing this since forever. But this time... this one time was different.
Something had changed and it deeply terrified her. With the war seemingly lasting forever, she was forced to rethink why she fought it in the first place. So many had been killed and with Neo Arcadia gone, most of the humanity and reploids were now gone... and without Neo Arcadia's environmental stabilization systems, Area Zero's reborn nature was the only hospitable environment left on Earth. Not that there remained many people who needed it.
But to go into Ragnarok like this? The self-destruction mechanism had been damaged and all of the controls jammed. What would Zero be able to do to stop Ragnarok?
...in truth, she knew perfectly what the answer was.
He wouldn't do it, would he? He couldn't do it, could he?
She looked at him, sitting on the doorframe of the trailer. It was not an unfamiliar pose but before he had always looked to the horizon dutifully, as if guarding the area, his gaze sharp and clear. But now, his eyes were firmly locked downward, his gaze on his feet, his stare dull, unfocused. For the first time, he looked like one of the lower Resistance members, unsure of what to do, a vague expression of despair and resignation all over his face. For the first time in months, the Legendary Reploid was crumbling before her very eyes, the confused, sensitive amnesiac that she had awakened revealed in all of his shameful weakness.
It was strange to call someone who could slice and dice his way through dozens of Reploids weak but she could understand the feeling. She will go down in history as one of the greatest geniuses in history, her discoveries and talents in robotics and sciences securing her alongside the legendary Dr Light himself. Yet, what good had her so-called genius brought her? Her masterpiece, Copy-X, had brought only pain and all of her research on Cyber-elves had barely slowed down the war for a mere few weeks before being forgotten altogether. And now, with Area Zero, her research was to become irrelevant completely.
She could relate in a way to how he felt. He was the Legendary Reploid, the last of his kind, a being who could bring down any army, any power down... except not. No matter how many Pantheons he cut down, no matter the face of the ruler he destroy, a new enemy always rise to take its place, always, without fail, endlessly. Both of their efforts had seemed utterly futile.
And she now wondered why she fought if her efforts were futile. If she couldn't convince anyone from stopping fighting, if her research would do no good, why should she continue to lead the Resistance? She had asked herself this question many times and Zero had told her that it hadn't been in vain. But now that she thought about it... she realized that he had told her not to worry because that if she broke then the last pillar that kept up his facade would crumble.
...and at this exact moment, she realized why she kept trying.
Because she had to. Because someone had to do it. Because she cared for the lives of those around her and didn't care if the fight was futile. This is why she had left Neo Arcadia, why she had opposed the very Reploid she had created. Each and every soul here had done everything in its power so that they would survive this long despite the odds, despite how hopeless everything had seemed. And in that, there was a victory. Neo Arcadia had never managed to stamp out their hope and they had ultimately outlived it. It was a horrible thought, one that she was ashamed of for Neo Arcadia's death had been in fire, causing the deaths of millions. But the cold fact remained that in the end, she and all those she cared for had succeeded, they had remained standing when the dust had settled.
And now, the very pillar that had held the Resistance up for so long, the beacon of hope that had kept them going in the darkest of moments was itself crumbling underneath the pressure. Zero could not bear the pressure. He tried to but he couldn't. No single soul, not even a living legend, could bear this weight. No soul should bear this weight alone. If she let him crumble then she would have truly failed for she would have failed in performing the one thing she had set out to do in the first place...
...protect those she loved.
"You have done a very good job disabling that security circuit..."
He seemed to come alive, glancing behind him as he heard her voice. She had been acting quite strangely ever since he had returned from Ragnarok. He could see the worry in her eyes and for the first time in months, it got through his emotional shell and into him. She knew. With all of its systems jammed and with so little time left, the chances that he would return from Ragnarok were slim.
He nodded. What was there to say to that? He had done as he had always done, destroying the enemy that stood in front of him. That's what he does, what he's good for. He is the Legendary Reploid after all. What is a tiny ball of protective data compared to him?
"Everything will be ready for the transfer to Ragnarok?"
"Yes, of course."
An awkward pause. She did not know what to say, how to bring it. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear it. It made him think of all those twisted bodies, of all those horrified faces that used to belong to those who fought alongside him before they died. As long as no one asked questions and that he acted alone, everything turned out alright.
...yeah, everything turned out alright.
The all too recent visage of Craft as he died in resignation tried to creep out of his memory chip in protest but he used all of his mental strength to repress it. He couldn't start doubting, not now, not when everyone depended on him to stop Ragnarok. They couldn't evacuate Area Zero. Even if they could, where would they go? There was nowhere else to go. He had to stop Ragnarok no matter the cost...
And then... and then...
"I... don't think there will be anything threatening Area Zero for a long time after this mission."
Why did he say that? He cursed himself, wondering why his nerves had failed him now of all times. He had not snapped staring at the horrifying, intimidating shape of Copy-X's seraphim form, he had not snapped when Elpizo had murdered his one true friend in cold blood before his very eyes, he had not snapped when Dr Weil had tried to convince him that his life had been a lie and as Omega had laughed at his face, pointing at him before charging at him with the same weapons he wielded... so why was he snapping now, of all time? All Ciel did was remind him that everything was ready for the transfer!
"With both Neo Arcadia and Weil gone, I think so. Why did you ask, Zero?"
That was a very good question indeed. One he wasn't sure anymore what the answer might be. And unfortunately, it seemed that Ciel saw right through him.
"I'm starting to become very worried. You've been growing distant, uneasy. It's almost as if you stopped believing..."
He sprung up, turning to her. "I don't want to hear any of that. You will change this world for the better, Ciel. I am convinced of it."
"I know Zero. But what about you? Do you still believe you can make a difference?"
The silence that followed was very awkward. This... was not how he had expected the conversation to turn out. And it made an unpleasant memory return to him. He had spent six months in that blasted desert killing Pantheons and Neo Arcadian troops, six long months alone. Copy-X was dead and he had expected that they'd give up soon now that they had been beheaded only it had not happened. Six months doing nothing but swinging his Z-saber, killing enemy after enemy after enemy after enemy... endlessly, without end. A battle that never ended but for what?
...it was his promise to his friend, the promise he made to X.
But as he stared at Ciel and milled the question inside of his mind, he realized it wasn't true. If all that mattered was destroying Mavericks, why did he stop caring? Most importantly, why had the Resistance somehow finding him made him feel alive again? He had spent the remainder of the year killing Mavericks all the same and yet, somehow, having others at his side had given the deed a different feel. Knowing that Ciel, Cerveau, and all the others would wait for him back at the trailer made it feel so very different. It wasn't the same at all.
Some called him a hero. He was the Legendary Reploid after all. But for some reason, this irritated him. And now looking back on his interactions with the people of Area Zero, he realized that their attitudes had surprisingly irritated him just as badly. He didn't care for being called a hero and yet, he didn't like being dismissed either? Was this a logical course of action?
He thought of his promise...
When he thought about it, it made no sense. The promise felt incredibly important and yet, he realized that fulfilling it made him feel empty. He was missing something here...
... and as he saw Ciel's worry grow by the second at his failure to answer her question, he couldn't help but have the answers creep back into his mind.
He hated to see her or any of the others suffer. They had fought and died just because Neo Arcadia had been paranoid. It was all meaningless so why did he care about this stupid war, considering all the suffering it caused?
He still remembered Operation Righteous Strike. Neither he nor Ciel should have ever approved it. It had been complete madness, suicidal overconfidence of the worst kind. He still remembered the piles of mangled bodies, full of faces that he had once associated with friends. The deformed visages of the dead filled his mind and for a second, he felt violently ill but managed to suppress it. It had been then that he had begun to fight harder, to become more daring, to always push further. He was the Legendary Reploid, he could make a difference, he-...
...he was the Legendary Reploid, he could make a difference...
He had fought for those who could not fight, used his power to protect those he cared about from those who wished to deny them freedom, happiness, and life.
"Yes, I think I will."
It calmed him slightly. He would go to Ragnarok because that he had the power to stop it. That was what he did. He believed in Ciel just as she believed in him.
...yet, her gaze had barely gotten better at all. Most of the worry was still on her face. She was very bad at hiding her emotions and this bothered him deeply.
Was he missing something?
His gaze left Ciel and he realized that the operator and a few of the other Reploids manning the command center's computers were staring at him now. Much to his dismay, their worry mimicked Ciel's. What was he missing? Wasn't that what they had wanted to hear? That he would do his job and would put all of his power and concentration into it? That he would protect them from those who would harm them, allowing them to build a better future?
The human woman turned to the Reploids and gestured to them. They nervously turned back to their consoles, resuming their work while Ciel turned to him.
"Please let's go outside. I want to talk."
It was only a few steps out of the trailer, really nothing that took too long. Zero couldn't help but wonder what she had in mind that required them to go outside. Yet, as she began to look all over the place except toward him, he felt strangely embarrassed and wished she had brought it up inside instead. He wasn't an idiot and for a moment, he wished he had been one. After a moment, she turned toward the sole direction where the horizon was green instead of red, the robot following her gaze.
"I hope we will succeed in protecting Area Zero. It is truly a miraculous find. I think that we may have found a place where we can finally begin anew for real."
She looked at him for a moment, not saying anything...
"You think that the new world will be beautiful?"
"Yes." To him, it was a very silly question and for the first time since the last few days, he smiled. Of course the new world would be beautiful. Together, everyone would create a new world, one where peace would most probably reign.
"When this is all over, what do you plan to do?"
He turned to her and opened his mouth... but no words came out. His entire mind frozen as he wondered if his systems had glitched. Why hadn't he answered the question? It was a very easy one to answer. It was then that he realized that he had absolutely no idea.
"I don't know."
"Zero... don't tell me that you... never thought about it?"
That was the last thing he had expected. She had asked him this many times and every time, he had told her the truth and she had smiled and told him he'd get an idea sometime. But now, her reaction was one of dismay, sadness, disbelief. It made his heart sink.
"The war will not last forever Zero. Neo Arcadia is gone, Weil is gone, and I know you will stop Ragnarok. At long last, Reploids and humans will come together to build a new world. We will finally be able to stop fighting and to realize our dreams. Don't tell me that in all of those months, you never thought of anything you wanted to do?"
