So, a couple of weeks ago, one of my roommates, Jonathan (who, for briefest background information, will rewash clothes multiple times if they have gotten wrinkled from being left in the dryer for too long, but who will not just *iron the clothes*) announced that he would be able to get some new furniture for the apartment, but he would need Ari (our other roommate) and me to help bring it in. I was initially opposed...we already had a couch and didn't need another. There were other pieces of furniture we could use (dining room chairs or a table to replace our lawn chairs and lawn table, for example), but I didn't want to get involved with whatever shenanigans that will come over just getting a *second couch*.

But eventually, Jonathan talked Ari and me into helping. (Our reservations had been that we thought he was going to ask us to split the cost of the furniture, reasoning that each of us would be using it. I was opposed to the prospect of paying, even in part, for furniture that I had never seen before, but it turned out that the furniture was free -- Jonathan's mom's friend was giving away the furniture, not selling it.)

Soon, the day came for us to help move the furniture and we went to U-Haul to pick up the truck that Jonathan had reserved. We took Ari's car to the U-Haul place, and the plan was that Jon would drive the U-Haul truck to his mom's friend's apartment, I would be his navigator (ughggghhh), and then Ari would follow with his car, so he didn't have to leave his nice car at the U-Haul place.

...well, it turned out that Jon's driver's license expired, so he couldn't drive the U-Haul. I asked him, "Did you know your driver's license had expired? How long have you been driving with an expired license?"

Jon replied, "It expired on my birthday last month...but I got it renewed in advance, so I'm not driving with an expired license...it's just the new one hasn't come in yet. I thought that the U-Haul people would be able to look up my driver's license number in the system and see that it has been renewed. Can't police do that, after all?"

Jon then pointed out, "Well, we only have this U-Haul until 4...so, maybe one of you guys can drive it?"

I glanced at the truck, a behemoth compared to a Honda Fit, and answered, "That's not going to happen." Running scenarios in my mind, I concluded that on the bright side, a U-Haul truck probably wouldn't roll over like my old Dodge Neon did.

Ari responded, "There's no way I'll just leave my car here, and I'd rather if no one else drove it either...so we'll have to go back to the apartment and come back here with your car if you want me to drive this truck."

So Jon went in to the U-Haul place and asked if he could pay for the U-Haul if someone *else* would be driving. While Jon was inside, Ari said to me, "Why doesn't Jon ever think these things through? Every time, he always asks me to do shit for him on the spur of the moment...I've never even driven something like that and I don't need to have some kind of accident on my record...the worst thing is, I always feel bad for just wanting to say, no, even though in the end, I never do."

I remarked back, "Maybe that's why Jon doesn't bother me with his shitty relationship bullshit. Because I've never been afraid to call him out on any of it...I guess that's why Jon says you're the better roommate too, haha..."

Jon came back and confirmed that it would be possible for him to pay for the truck and insurance, while someone else drove the truck. And so, we went back to the apartment to get Jon's car.

At the apartment, Ari realized that Jon had gotten some mail the day prior that he had not opened...and lo and behold, it was Jon's renewed driver's license.

Since Jon could now drive the truck, we started driving back to the U-Haul place in Ari's car -- since Ari could, just as planned, drive behind.

On the way there, we got stopped as a queue of MetroRail cars crossed by, transporting people to and from their own personal problems. Ari cursed the fact that we were wasting so much time (or perhaps he was cursing the fact that his average speed for the trip, stop lights and all, would dip below 50 miles per hour). Jon remarked that Ari should work on being a better person.

...It seemed funny to me that someone would tell the guy who was driving him to the U-Haul place, who was willing to cover for him and drive the U-Haul because he did not have a valid driver's license on hand -- and most importantly, who was doing all of this just because he couldn't say "no" to people in need -- that that guy needed to be a better person just because he swore. But then again, not sharing Jonathan's evangelical Christian faith, perhaps I just didn't understand.

I told Jon as such.

Jon responded: "When I talk to Ari like that, he knows that I don't mean anything of it. I'm not trying to hurt him with my comments, and that's why Ari ultimately makes such a good roommate, unlike some others."

I grinned from ear to ear until my cheeks shivered and quivered either from contempt or from the feigned, false nature of it. I should've just held that grin from the very beginning. It was such a sunny day, after all. And if no one was even going to smirk at my funny little observation, then I would do it for us all.

We got to the U-Haul place and Jon went into the U-Haul place. It was deja vu, except that Jon came out with truck keys. When Jonathan went into the U-Haul truck, I sat perfectly still inside Ari's car. Maybe he would just drive off without a navigator? But after turning on the truck, and fiddling and fidgeting with some things inside for a quantum eternity, he turned the truck back off. He came out and to Ari's car and he said, in that passive, indirect way that he has: "Hey, so...I just think it would be better if I had someone else in the truck as well...if that works for either of you."

Ari passed the buck, "Well, I have to drive my car, just as we agreed."

I grimaced inside. I wasn't as proficient, in passive indirectness. I gave my best shot anyway: "Well, it seems to me that Ari will certainly need some help getting to this person's place...whereas you should already know where it is."

From Jonathan, "Actually, I've never been there before. I've never even met this particular friend of my mom's."

"Ah...but do you have navigation on your phone?" (A fatal mistake: of course he didn't. Jonathan wouldn't even pay for a texting plan. That, of course, hadn't stopped Ellie from breaking up with him over text message, although technically, they weren't even official, so there wasn't anything to break up.)

"I have these directions written on paper...if you think it would be best for me to just use them while driving, then I can do that."

I had to admit that I did not think that best. Yet, reminded of a particular webcomic (and because, like my mother says, I don't have a single original thought in my head): all I could hear was my father's voice in my head, saying: "I warned you about that guy, son!!!! I told you dog! I TOLD you, man. I TOLD you to stay away from guys like that."

But I didn't know of any socially graceful and indirect ways to get out of it...The bucked stopped at me. And so I got into the passenger seat of the U-Haul and put in the address to Google Navigation.

Jonathan offered to me, as he turned the U-Haul on again, "You know...I've never driven one of these before...it'll be interesting."

And then I noticed the sign on the glove box: For children's safety, this vehicle is NOT EQUIPPED WITH A PASSENGER-SIDE AIR BAG.

Good thing I'm not a child. Just a shitty roommate.