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Polyamory

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Polyamory Polyamory “from the root words Poly meaning many and Amour meaning love hence "many loves”." In other words people who love more than one person at a time but not only love but claim to be in love with all these people. And I feel like loving someone and being in love are two different things. Polyamory is said to be the “non-possessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously.” (Polyamory Society) Not to be mistaken with swinging or what is “also known as wife swapping or partner swapping. It is also a non-monogamous behavior, in which partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.” People who participate in the lifestyle of polyamory live by a lot of rules. The rules vary but some are about whom will be allowed within the relationship, how people will conduct themselves within those relationships, and who will or won’t use protection with what partners. It is said that if you’re a cheater this lifestyle isn’t for you but I believe it’s just the opposite. Please do not get me wrong, I am not trying to knock anyone for their lifestyle but this seems more pleasure oriented than an emotional attachment. It’s supposed to leave room for you to explore different loves and not to close yourself off from loving or being loved in return. But I also think it does just that. It doesn’t give you the ability to fully love someone. As I stated earlier loving someone and being in love are two totally different things. I believe just like you can’t you can’t be “in” two places at once, you can’t be “in” love with more than one person at a time either. It’s hard to be happy and angry at the same time, same principle with being in love. It’s an emotional state that requires your full emotional attention. Sure you can love more than one person but again that’s not the same thing as being in love. I believe that what a lot of these people are feeling is lust, which is often mistaken as love. “Lust is a powerful psychological force producing intense wanting for an object.” I will agree that this lifestyle does require a lot of honesty, communication and having EXTREME emotional intelligence. But this is a cheaters paradise. Instead of sneaking around and seeing whomever, now that get to have the person they were originally with as well as the new person that they’re interested in. Just like in any regular relationship feelings of jealousy and hurt arise, this happens with cheaters as well. Even though they’re having their cake and eating it too, they still feel “some type of way” when they see someone they love being with someone else or too much attention is taken away from them for the other person.
I’ve never been in a polyamory situation but I was a swinger at one point in my life. It was my idea to enter into this lifestyle. My boyfriend at the time was very well endowed and one evening while we were having sex he wanted me to perform orally on him. And honestly I just really didn’t feel like it. My jaws were tired and I just didn’t want to. So I asked him would it be ok if someone else did it for me. And he looked at me with this puzzled look on his face and I think he was even kind of scared to answer the question. But I let him know I wasn’t trying to trick him or trip him up or anything. So he said sure. Before this point he never even knew I was into women. But a girlfriend of mine and I had already discussed being together sexually and I was just really waiting for the moment to bring it to my mates attention and right then just seemed like the perfect time. Well I called her and she came up stairs (she lived in the same apartment building as us). First she pleasured him, while I watched then she turned around and pleasured me while he watched. She was undressed so I encouraged him to have sex with her and the moment he entered her everything changed for me. I thought I was ready for everything that was about to happen but I really wasn’t. It hurt watching him perform with her the same way that he had with me. Over the next few years we continued to enjoy time with her and even went to sex or swinger parties. But it ended when one day I woke up and the two of them were next to me having sex. I woke up and said I’m going to pretend like this is a dream. When I come out the bathroom, if she’s still here, neither one of you will like me anymore. That was the last time I saw her or participated in swinging with him.

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