GMAT WRITING - SAMPLE ESSAYS

ARGUMENT 1
The following appeared in a memo from the manager of Upper Cuts hair salon: “According to a nationwide demographic study, more and more people today are moving from suburbs to downtown areas. In order to boost sagging profits at UpperCuts, we should take advantage of this trend by relocating the salon from its current location in Apton’s suburban mall to downtown Aption while retaining the salon’s decidedly upscale ambiance. Besides, Hair-Dooz, our chief competitor at the mall, has just relocated downtown and is thriving at its new location, and the most prosperous hair salon in nearby Brainard is located in that city’s down town area. By emulating the locations of these two successful salons, UppperCuts is certain to attract more customers.” ANALYSIS Citing a general demographic trend and certain evidence about two other hair salons, the manager of UpperCuts (UC) concludes here that UC should relocate from suburban to downtown Apton in order to attract more customers and, in turn, improve its profitability. However, the manager’s argument relies on a series of unproven assumptions and is therefore unconvincing as it stands. To begin with, the argument assumes that Apton’s demographic trend reflects the national trend. Yet, the mere fact that one hair salon has moved downtown hardly suffices to infer any such trend in Apton; HairDooz might owe its success at its new location to factors unrelated to Apton’s demographics. Without better evidence of a demographic shift such trend in Apton. For that matter, the trend might be in the opposite direction, in which event the manager’s recommendation would amount to especially poor advice. Even if Apton’s demographics do reflect the national trend, it is unfair to assume that UC will attract more customers simply by relocating downtown. It is entirely possible that the types of people who prefer living in downtown areas tend not to patronize upscale salons. It is also possible that Hair-Dooz will continue to impede upon UC’s business, just as it might have at the mall. Without ruling out these and other reasons why UB might not benefit from the demographic trend, the manager cannot convince me that UC would attract more customers, let alone increase its profits, by moving downtown. Nor can the manager justify the recommended course of action on the basis of the Brainard salon’s success. Perhaps hair salon generally fare better in downtown Brainard than downtown Apton, due to demographic differences between the two areas. Or perhaps the salon thrives only because it is longestablished in downtown Brainard-an advantage that UC clearly would not have in its new location. In short, the manager cannot defend the recommended course of action on the basis of what might be a false analogy between two hair salons. Finally, even assuming that the proposed relocation would attract more customers, an increase in the number of patrons would not necessarily result in improved profits. After all, profit is a function of expenses as well as revenue. Thus, an increase in UC’s expenses-due perhaps to higher rents downtown than at the mall-might very well offset increasing revenues, thereby frustrating UC’s efforts to improve its profitability. 1/4

GMAT WRITING - SAMPLE ESSAYS
In sum, the argument is a dubious one that relies on a series of unproven assumptions – about Apton’s and Brainard’s demographics, the reasons for the success of the two other salons, and UC’s future expenses. To strengthen the argument, the manager should provide better evidence of a demographic shift in Apton toward the downtown area and clear evidence that those demographics portend success there for an upscale hair salon. Even with this additional evidence, in order to properly evaluate the argument, I would need to know why Hair-Dooz relocated, what factors have contributed to the Brainard salon’s success, what factors other than location might have contributed to UC’s sagging profits at the mall, and what additional, offsetting expenses UC might incur at the new location.

ARGUMENT 2
The following appeared in a regional fitness journal: “A recent survey of this journal’s readers found that over 80% are or plan to be on a low-carbohydrate diet. This should serve as a warning to restaurants in our region. If they do not add low-carbohydrate meals to their menus, they could stand to lose 80% of their business.” ANALYSIS It appears that the low-carb revolution is affecting nearly every aspect of the food industry in our country. The author of this particular argument suggests that restaurants need to add low-carbohydrate meals to their menus or they could lose 80% of their business. As evidence to back up this conclusion, the author notes that a recent survey of the journal’s readers found that 80% are or plan to be on a low-carbohydrate diet. The conclusion is not valid, however, because the argument contains a serious flaw in logic, namely that the readers of a fitness journal are representative of all people in the region. In addition, the argument has a number of flaws in logic that need to be redressed with additional evidence. The logical flaw in the argument revolves around the evidence used by the author. He or she cites a survey of the readers of a fitness journal in order to draw a conclusion about all restaurant patrons in the region. This is a problematic logical leap. There is no reason for restaurant owners to believe that fitness journal sub-scribers behave as the general population does. Just because 80% of the readers of the fitness journal are already on or are considering a low-carbohydrate diet does not mean that the same is true of the general population. Therefore, there is no reason to believe that 80% of restaurant patrons will be looking for low-carbohydrate meals. In order to correct this flaw, the author needs to show evidence that the readers of the journal do behave as the rest of the population does, or include other evidence showing that 80% of all restaurant patrons are looking for low-carbohydrate options. If the author cannot offer either of these pieces of information, he or she needs to qualify her conclusion. The argument is also plagued by gaps in logic. Without further evidence to shore up the argument, it becomes difficult to evaluate the author’s conclusion. The first such gap is the implicit belief that the lowcarbohydrate diet craze has not already affected the restaurant industry. Some portion of the 80% cited by the author is already on low-carbohydrate diets and presumably has been for some time. Restaurants may already have lost business due to this phenomenon and, therefore, do not stand to lose an additional 80% of business. In order to better evaluate the conclusion, the author should provide additional details on the break-down of the 80%, and how long people have been on the diet. A second gap in logic is the notion 2/4

GMAT WRITING - SAMPLE ESSAYS that restaurants do not already have a sufficient amount of low-carbohydrate options. It could be that subscribers to the low-carbohydrate diet are proficient at finding low-carbohydrate meals on just about any menu. Alternatively, the dieters could also be happy eating only the low-carbohydrate components of any standard entrée. T o support her conclusion, the author should show evidence that the dieters are not satisfied with the low-carbohydrate options now offered and that this may prevent them from eating out. Finally, the author needs to support the implication that low-carbohydrate dieters actually stick to their diets when they eat out. It could be that the dieters use restaurant experiences as a time to cheat on the diet. If this were true, then restaurants need not worry about losing business. The author needs to offer evidence that the dieters stick to their diets while eating out. In summary , it is difficult to accept the conclusion that restaurants in the region risk losing 80% of their business if they do not add low-carbohydrate options to their menus given the current state of the author’ s argument. In order to craft a better argument, the author should first eliminate her logical flaw by not drawing a conclusion regarding all restaurant patrons from evidence about only one sub-group of the population. The author also needs to provide additional evidence about the low-carbohydrate dieters and their needs in order to not leave large lapses in logic.

ARGUMENT 3
The following appeared in a memorandum to the Chief Executive Officer of Tasty-Ice, a company that manufactures and distributes ice cream: “It is time to reintroduce our goat milk ice cream product that we took off the market 3 years ago. The only reason we stopped producing this product is that prices for goat milk three years ago were at 30-year highs. Now prices for the milk have fallen to more reasonable levels. Moreover, our major competitors have also stopped producing goat milk ice cream. This will allow us to position our goat milk ice cream as a premium product and to charge a premium price. Therefore, introducing a goat milk product now will greatly improve our profits.” ANALYSIS While goat milk ice cream may not be exciting to the aver-age consumer, it is certainly possible that the author of this memorandum to the CEO of Tasty-Ice is correct that the reintroduction of goat milk ice cream will “greatly improve” the profits of Tasty-Ice Company. However, the argument is not well reasoned as written. The author supports his assertion by citing the lack of competition in the market place, which will allow Tasty-Ice to produce a premium product, and the reduction in goat milk prices over the last three years. In order to craft a better argument, the author needs to avoid questionable assumptions and offer better definitions for the vocabulary that he uses. The first questionable assumption made by the author is that demand for goat milk ice cream has not changed over the last three years. The author states that the “only reason” that the company stopped making goat milk ice cream is that the input prices for goat milk had soared to levels that were unprecedented in recent history. From this fact we can gather that three years ago, the company was actually able to sell goat milk ice cream. However, there are no assurances that people still will want to 3/4

GMAT WRITING - SAMPLE ESSAYS buy the product. A counterexample could be that in the interim years, medical researchers had found negative health effects from consuming goat milk, or perhaps the pal-ate of the consumer has changed in that time period. The author should have shown evidence that demand remains intact, such as a survey of consumers. Assuming that the lack of competition will actually allow Tasty-Ice to position the goat milk ice cream as a premium product is questionable at best. A counterexample could be that goat milk ice cream has always been viewed as an inferior good, and consumers will not buy premium goat milk ice cream. Another possibility is that the Tasty-Ice brand is viewed as a down-market brand and consumers will not accept a premium product from Tasty-Ice, even if it is made in a premium way. In order for the CEO of Tasty-Ice to believe that the company can produce a premium goat milk product and charge a premium price, he or she needs evidence that shows that goat milk ice cream can be a premium product and that Tasty-Ice can be seen as a premium brand. The final questionable assumption is that the margins associated with the goat milk product will be sufficient to “greatly improve” profits at Tasty-Ice. The argument does not include any financial data on how much it will cost to produce goat milk ice cream, what price the market will bear for the product, and how many units can be sold. Without this information, it is impossible to tell if the introduction of a goat milk ice cream line will vastly improve profits. The assumptions are not the only reason the information in the memorandum does no present a strong argument. The author of the memorandum states that goat milk prices have fallen to “more reasonable” levels over the last three years. The CEO can properly deduce from this statement that prices are no longer at 30-year highs, but he or she does not know how far they have fallen. It could be that the company only had a highly profitable goat milk ice cream line when goat milk was at $2 per gallon, then the milk went to a thirty year high of $4 per gallon, and now is at $3 per gallon. If this were true, the phrase “more reasonable” would be deceiving. By actually telling the CEO the facts behind goat milk pricing, the author would have a more compelling argument. The author also states that Tasty-Ice will be able to charge a “premium price” for the new goat milk line. Based on this phrasing, the CEO does not know specific-ally how much the company will be able to charge for a gallon of ice cream. Related to this point, if a premium price will not deliver a profit because of the costs of in-puts, then the company certainly should not bring back the product line. Again, more information on this topic would make the argument better reasoned. The author the argument sent to the CEO of Tasty-Ice Company is not well reasoned because of its questionable assumptions and unspecified terms. The CEO will not be able to properly evaluate the conclusion that the re-introduction of a Tasty-Ice goat milk ice cream will greatly improve the profits of the company. If the author were to include more evidence on market demand, the premium nature of a new product, and financial information on pricing, inputs and margins, the CEO would better be able to evaluate the conclusion.

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