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Sexual Dentity

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Sexuality Identity
PSY/265

Sexuality Identity Before taking this course I lacked the knowledge of sexuality. I can say that I knew the basics but I really had no interests in the different types of sexuality and the specific details it entails. This class has taught me much more information that I have used throughout my life (I didn’t even know) and what I will use throughout the rest of my life. My value system and critical thinking to my sexual decision making before and after this course I can say have stayed the same in most areas. Although I believe myself to have more knowledge in certain areas my value systems of situational ethics and rationalism are the same. “Situational ethics is the decision making should be guided by genuine love for others and not for moral reason” (Rathus). Whereas rationalism is “the use of reason to determine course of action, decisions should be based off of intellect and reasoning, rather then the emotions of strict obedience and religion” (Rathus et al., 2005). I do believe that individuals should make a decision based off of fact, intellect, and genuine love for the other person. Having the sexual knowledge I believe will help many individuals to make informed decisions on sexual intercourse. It educates on sexual transmitted diseases (STD’s), HIV/AIDS, and pregnancy. The goal is to educate so individuals make smart decisions on sexual intercourse. As an adult I do feel the same rules apply but now that I am older I feel age should make a difference. When I made the decision to have intercourse for the first time I was very young. Although my values were the same and I felt like I made a decision based on love and reasoning, However, I was still very young and with no experience. I do not regret my decision that I made years ago because I felt with the values of situational ethics, rationalism, and critical thinking, I used, although I was unaware at the time. I do feel that making that decision so young it took some of my innocence away. Before this course I would not have thought twice about it, but because of this course I may have done things a little different. The environment like society did play a major role in my sexuality. When an individual is young peer pressure and society play an important role in ones individual to make decisions. For me I was not so much a follower but still felt the need to keep up. My friends were very excepting but there was still peer pressure. My friends were sexually active and encouraged me to be. Favorite stars are wearing less clothing and sex is talked about everywhere. Then once puberty comes the hormones are a key factor. I was not raised to be religious so the only moral values I had was to treat my body with respect, be respected, and to make wise decisions. The development of my gender identity consists of three factors: chromosomal sex, genetics, and my environment. Starting from when I was being conceived, the SRY gene, along with the SOX 9 combined, determine my sex as a female (Rathus et al., 2005). Sex hormones will develop to make an embryo that produces my androgens making me female (Rathus et al., 2005). My environment after birth was also a major factor. I was treated very girlie, like a princess. I was taught to be delicate like a woman but to get dirty and play in the mud like the boys. I enjoyed playing with dolls, makeup, and became interested in boys. I was the only girl out of three children; I had an older brother and a younger brother. I became the nurturer but was still the little girl and the younger sister; I was the stereotype of femininity. I was and am emotional, a nurturer, caring, and the constant need to help others whenever I can. However throughout the years I do feel that because of my environment I did develop some of the masculine traits. I have become very independent and self-sufficient. Society and my environment, “nature versus nurture” has played the role in my gender identity. The effect of attraction and love in my relationships has played a part in who I am. Throughout the course I learned that there are three love styles that have played a role in my life: infatuation, romantic love, and consummate. Infatuation I truly believe started with my husband’s infatuation with me. I was told from the first time we danced together that I was the one he would marry. It was then that I realized all the times where he tried to talk to me that I never realized. Once we went are separate ways and after awhile of dating I learned I developed an infatuation with men. I was curious to see how they looked at women, what attracted them, and why? Once I felt I figured it out I would play the role to what they wanted. I did find that being your self is truly what most men want. The romance is what I crave. I know that I love my husband more than anything. We met when we were young, took some time apart, and then eventually ran into each other again. For me it is like a whole love story that happened. My husband knows that I like to have romance in our relationship, for me it is key. I feel that it deepens our relationship because it keeps the spark. When we can get away from our kids and enjoy time alone I feel it gives us time to reconnect. It doesn’t have to be flowers and candles for us it is being together. I must say that he is good at remembering things from when we were young and tying those into our dates. Over the years our relationship has grown together and it is because of our consummate love. Although we would like to kill each other once in awhile we manage to find time for ourselves. We our open and honest, communicate well and still find the time to be intimate. My attraction for men is at first looks. As horrible as it sounds looks are what initially attract me to men. Most men I have dated have been dark hair, tall, and must have nice hands. I must say that having bigger hands makes me feel that I am with a strong man and secure. Why hands, who knows it is just the one thing that will make me want to get to know a person a little more. A topic in this course that I found useful was in Chapter 8 Relationships and Communication. Although I am very vocal I struggle with communicating. Having communication in a relationship is the most important. I have found that approaching topics, listening, learning about the partners needs, provide information, making requests, deliver and receive criticism, and handling impasses is key (Rathus et al., 2005). For instance I could communicate to my husband about things that I enjoy or don’t enjoy during intercourse. I tend to be timid in that situation but my husband is very expressive. Whereas he could work on taking criticism better instead of giving it. although I am not the best at getting either. The main key for us is to truly listen to each other. We have been together for so long that at times I feel we just assume what we are going to say to each other that we stop listening. Sense we have been together for so long it is best to provide information. My husband can tell just by listening to my voice that something is wrong. I need to stop holding things in and let him know what is exactly bothering me. This way he will stop going in circles and either know to leave me alone or to help. Before this course I lacked so much knowledge about my sexual identity. I find it amazing that I am the way I am due to genes and genetics of course but mostly my environment. From being raised to be a lady but get dirty and have fun while I can. To making decisions on my own throughout my adolescents and up to the decisions and actions I make now. I have a better understanding not only about sexuality identity but my sexual identity as well.

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