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5.3 - Audience Relationship: Emphasize the Positive

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Complete exercises 5.3, 5.5, 5.10, and 5.18, which can be found at the end of Chapter 5.

Exercise 5.3 - Audience Relationship: Emphasize the Positive
Revise these sentences to be positive rather than negative

a. To avoid damage to your credit rating, please remit payment within 10 days.
Please remit your payment in 10 days to maintain to good credit rating.

b. We don’t offer refunds on returned merchandise that is soiled.
To maintain the integrity of our merchandise for our customers, refunds will not be issues for soiled merchandise.

c. Because we are temporarily out of Baby Cry dolls, we won’t be able to ship your order for 10 days.
Due to the high demand of Baby Cry dolls they are currently on backorder. We will ship your order in 10days. Thank you for your patience.

d. You failed to specify the color of the blouse that you ordered.
To complete you order, please specific the color of the blouse.

e. You should have realized that waterbeds will freeze in unheated houses during winter. Therefore, our guarantee does not cover the valve damage, and you must pay the $9.50 valve-replacement fee (plus postage).
During winter months waterbeds will freeze in unheated houses. Therefore, we do not cover valve damage. We offer valve-replacement insurance which is a onetime fee of $9.50 (plus postage).

Exercise 5.5 - Audience Relationship: Bias Free Language
Rewrite each of the following to eliminate bias:

a. For an Indian, Maggie certainly is outgoing.
Maggie is certainly outgoing.

b. He needs a wheelchair, but he doesn’t let his handicap affect his job performance.
Jacob doesn’t let his handicap affect his job performance.

c. A pilot must have the ability to stay calm under pressure, and then he must be trained to cope with any problem that arises.
Pilots are trained to cope with any problem that arises and to stay calm under pressure.

d. Candidate Renata Parsons, married and the mother of a teenager, will attend the debate.
Candidate Renata Parsons will attend the debate.

e. Senior citizen Sam Nugent is still an active salesman.
Sam Nugent is still an active salesman.

Exercise 5.10 - Message Composition: Selecting Words
As you rewrite these sentences, replace the clichés and buzzwords with plain language (if you don’t recognize any of these terms, you can find definitions online):

a. Being a jack-of-all-trades, Dave worked well in his new general manager job.
Dave is skilled in many different areas, he works well in his new general manager job.

b. Moving Leslie into the accounting department, where she was literally a fish out of water, was like putting a square peg into a round hole, if you get my drift.
Leslie was extremely inexperienced when she moved in the accounting department. It was a difficult transition.

c. My only takeaway from the offsite was that Laird threw his entire department under the bus for missing the deadline.
Larid did not take responsibility for the missing deadline; instead he placed blame on his entire department.

d. I’ve love to help with that project, but I’m bandwidth-constrained.
I’ve love to help with that project, but I have a limited ability to transfer information quickly over the network.

e. The board green-lighted our initiative to repurpose our consumer products for the commercial space.
The board has given our initiative approval to repurpose our consumer products for the commercial space.

Exercise 5.18 - Massage Organization: Transitional Elements References

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