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All I Am

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Submitted By surferjoshua
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All That I Am by Josh Giles on Monday, March 12, 2012 at 2:28pm

The future is bright. There is a plan for me, I know it. However, lately I have gone through the low country. It's eating me away, I said to God. It's rotting in my mind, it's like a cancer. Is there anything at all to numb the nothingness? I need a reason to breathe, it's eating me away. It nibbles at my brain, the question of my existence and this matter of pain. I shake my fist at the cosmos and my insignificance. I need a reason to breathe and it's eating me away. Save me from my rage and my humanity. I'm more nothing than being, is this my legacy? I feel it eating me away. All that I am, all that I want, all that I lack, PLEASE, come on and save me. My pal Edric Prim texted me a quote the other day that I’m trying to remind myself of, from Joel Osteen. It was, “don’t let your setbacks become your identity”. Amen to that. I don’t need to stay here in this state of mind. Nibbling at my brain, I truly think too much and I drive myself crazy. The problem is if I knew exactly how to make my brain stop eating itself away, I would do it. All that I am should be enough to overcome any insecurities that I may have. I’ve never felt like this before. My life has pretty much always been an open book so, here it is. There was a lot of pressure and things happening at once at the beginning of February and then they came crashing down when the one thing I thought I had to hold on to was gone. I never really had any insecurity about me before this year and I think its my own fault that I let it bother me now. I didn’t think I put a girl before God but maybe I did and maybe this is why I am torn down. God will tear down idols. I hate to feel sorry for myself, and I do not like being bottomed out, but you know what? It happens. David, in Psalms 22 says, “My God why hast thou forsaken me? Why are you so far

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