Free Essay

Apple Is Dominating the Computer Industry Because of Their Newest Inventions.

In: Business and Management

Submitted By rbyerly
Words 304
Pages 2
Professor Crone:

How is this for a corrected thesis:

Apple is dominating the computer industry because of their newest inventions.

Hopefully this works better, if not let me know

01-12-2012, 07:50 PM Ryan Byerly Registered User | | Posts: 85 |
Subject: How Apple, Inc. has dominated the computer industry.
Thesis: Apple at one time, not very long ago was on the brink of filing for bankruptcy.

8 Areas of Focus:
1. Brand Appeal
2. Apple’s Fall
3. How the iMac saved Apple from going out of business
4. iPod, and how it changed the music industry
5. Customer Loyalty
6. Design always mattered
7. Steve Jobs and vision
8. iPhone, how it changed the mobile phone industry.

Last edited by Ryan Byerly : 01-12-2012 at 07:53 PM.

Today, 12:30 PM Martha Crone Registered User | | Posts: 1,262 |
Ryan, your areas of focus look very good for this paper, and I can see this will be a strong research paper. However, right now your thesis statement is the weak link in your preparation for it.

Your thesis states one fact, which is fairly easy to substantiate. It's not an arguable proposition that needs a research paper to back it up.

Your thesis statement should encapsulate the whole point of your paper, and every point that you want to make in the paper should relate directly back to the thesis.

From my review of your Areas of Focus, it seems to me that your thesis should be summarizing how Apple's newer products saved the company from its previous decline.

Please revise your thesis and repost it here, or email the revision to me (or both). Red light until you make the revisions.

Please let me know if you need help with this.
__________________
Professor Martha Crone cronem@franklin.edu 614-581-8381

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