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Birth Mothers and What They Endure

In: English and Literature

Submitted By DJFrank
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There are many people still not understanding the positives that there are when it comes to open adoptions. Birth Mother’s deal with more than most realize, such as figuring out whom their baby will live with, adoption style, grief and much more. This article shows what adolescents go through when they give up their child. “Adult Birth Mothers Who Made Open Infant Adoption Placements after Adolescent Unplanned Pregnancy” by Lynn B. Clutter. With this process there is many stages that the Mother will go through and there is an acronym that is AFRESH. I will explain what it is and how it affects the Mother and child. During the pregnancy you still have the many worries as normal is my baby okay, am I taking care of myself right, but during an open adoption pregnancy you have more you deal with. You have to find the family who will be raising your child. You go through information about them and see if they suite you and then if you think that there a match the agency will try and set up a meet and greet to see if things are still how you felt from reading about them. Also, many people will think that since you are giving up your child and still want to be part of their life you don’t know what you are doing. You have to be very strong and believe in every reason why you are doing this. Having people around you that support you and will just listen when you need them is very important. Most important you need to feel safe with the family you choose and figure out how much you want to be part of their lives. There are many positives when going through an open adoption. Your child that you gave up will be able to ask you questions and understand why you gave them up to that family. Since they will see that you have been an active part of the life till then they will see that you have always thought about them. It will make it easier on the child versus a closed adoption where you cannot even search or find out anything till they are eighteen, and that is on parents and child’s side. When your delivery date is approaching you will need to figure out what your hospital plan is. By that I mean are you going to have your child in the room with you during the stay. Will you have the family their right after the birth or do you want some time to rest and spend with him or her. You will need to also decide on when you will want to tell the family you chose that their baby was born and when you will like them to come up and see him or her. Having a good bond with the adoptive parents is key to having a great open adoption. Also you will need to talk with your family and see if they want to come up to the hospital and visit, as it is part of their family even though you are giving the rights to him or her up. That child will always be a part of you and your family and it’s great to have more people showing this child that he or she is loved no matter what is going on. After coming home from the hospital it will be very tough and that’s where the acronym AFRESH starts up. A stands for adoption, accomplishment, adjustments, and adventures ahead. This means that you need to set goals for yourself and to make adjustments to your daily living. Make plans for adventures with loved ones so you’re not basking in the grief and going into a deep depression. F stands for fresh start and direction. Make new choices, decide on things that will make your life better for the future. Such things can be schooling, job change, relationships, stop using drugs or alcohol. It will depend on the individual. R stands for relationships: changes and new. Show your family how important that they are in your life. Find that one that makes you happy and make a life with them and start making plans for the future with them. E stands for emotions: processing and settling. Your emotions will be extreme on and off for the first year to start then it will start becoming easier after that. Every little thing will set them off. You will need to process and settle with all you just done. Giving up your child is one of the toughest things that you will do. You will need to have people that you can talk with at any time day or night because you will need that. Make plans with girlfriends or your boyfriend so they can be there for you. S stands for support, spiraling up or sliding down. The support that you have from family and friends will be key because it’s not easy to deal with even as time goes on its still tough. It just gets bearable because you know that you did the right thing and (the infant) is being raised by an amazing family that you choose. H stands for healing, health, happiness. This means that you need to start healing and be happy for what you did. You gave a family something that they couldn’t do on their own and will be grateful to you for life. So as you see there is a lot that goes into having an open adoption at any stage in your life. It’s very emotional and heartfelt thing that someone can do at any stage in life. As an adolescent going through this, it is very amazing that they could give the biggest gift of life. Many things go into giving up your child for open adoption but you will gain a lot out of it as well.

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