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Cecilia

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Submitted By napsterafael
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Naaalala ko na pinupuntahan ko sya tuwing ika lima ng hapon sa harap ng kapitolyo. Payapa. Na wala akong iniisip kundi kung anong oras ba sya mag a out. Ang maupo sa parkeng iyon ang pinakapayapa na gusto ko ulit maramdaman. Ang pag aantay na alam kong mamaya makikita ko na uli ang mga ngiti nya. Kakaway at lulusawin namin ang paligid sa templong kami lang ang maaliwalas. Gusto ko syang sugurin ng yakap.
Yakap na ang hirap ibigay ng tulad kong pinalaki sa malalim na probinsya, sa ilalim ng mga matatandang tumatangkilik pa ng pamada.
Magkaiba kasi talaga kahit sabihin na nasa iisa kayong probinsya. Iba parin kapag lumaki ka sa liblib na lugar. Na halos makipag apir ka sa kalikasan. Magising sa tilaok ng manok ng kabilang baranggay. Ganun kapayapa. Parang lahat ng mga tao putok sa buho. Mga batang naglalaro ng tikbe, tutubi at kurukya. Wala akong pinagsisisihan. Lahat ng bagay mula sa pagkabata ko nakatulong para masabi kong lumaki akong pino at magalang. Tanngap nya ako bilang payapa.
Payapa.

Papalapit sya na parang araw. Natutunaw ako. Parang pinapatay ako ng halakhak sa aking loob. Gusto kong magtago sa hangin. Sana kayang itago ng tawa ang nangungusap kong mga mata. Parang sining kong hinahagod ang mga pasulyap kong tingin. May kung anong kiliti, malamyos at sensitibo na bubulalas sa tuwing magbabanggaan ang aming mga tanaw. At sa puntong abutin ko ang kanyang mga kamay, parang nilisan ako ng lakas at ang tanging paraan lang ay pigain iyon. Gusto kitang mayakap.
Gustong gusto.

Mag-uusap kami sa mga bagay. Tungkol sa trabaho nya. Mga balak nya para bukas. Pagkatapos tatanungin nya ko kung kumusta. Hindi ko alam kung pano sumagot. Gusto kong sabihin na ngayon masaya na ko. Etong makatabi ka at makita. Isasagot ko nalang na ok lang. Pero hindi nya alam kung pano nya ko kinumpleto. Siguro gasgas na na madinig, pero lahat naman tayo nagmamahal. Walang gasgas sa pag-ibig.
Kahit pa ilang beses na sabihin, hanggat nandun ang katotohanan. Aawit ang langit.
Sa kahit anong oras at lugar.

Tahimik. Hindi dahil walang mga nagdadaang mga sasakyan o mga estudyanteng sinusulit ang uwian. Tahimik dahil sa parehas naming nararamdaman ang hangin. Magkatabi. Sa pahabang bato na walang sandalan kundi ang parehas naming mga balikat. Hawak ko parin ang kanyang kamay. Sa pagitan ng aking mga daliri at kanya. Lilingon ako para makita ang kanyang mukha. Madalas kaming mag-usap sa mga mata. 'Sing sarap ng musikang banayad. Mukha na gusto kong isama sa pagtanda. Aanhin ko ang gandang pisikal? Walang kaharian sa mundong ito. Kung magmamahal ako ng sa ganda lang, anung saya ang mababaon ko? Mula nang matanggap ko si Kristo alam kong paaralan ang mundo para pandayin ang ating mga espiritu sa pagkabanal. Ayokong sayangin ang paaralang ito sa pisikal na pagkatuto lang.
Naniniwala akong may langit. At kung babalikan ang buhay ko, wala akong pagsisising nagmahal ako ng taong minahal din ako ng totoo. Wala akong kasiguruhan kung natitipon kayo doon sa iisang lugar ng mga taong mahal mo sa buhay. Pero pangako kong tahakin ang buhay na 'to kasama sya. Ito ang aking palanca - ang taimtim na dasal sa langit.
Aayain ko sya pauwi. Tatayo ako at iaabot ang kamay ko. Lilipas muna ang ilang minuto. Ayokong gabihin kami sa daan. Sabi nga nila, walang nakakainip sa byahe kung kasama mo ang taong mahalaga sayo. Lagi syang inaantok sa daan. Nagsisilbing unan nya ang balikat ko.
Kasyang-kasya sya sa balikat ko. Isang oras ang byahe. Sana dumating ang oras na makapag-usap kami na hindi sya inaantok. Konting oras nalang babalik na ko pauwi. Gusto kitang gisingin pero alam kong pagod ka. Pagbaba, uuwi nako. Paalam na bukas ulit. Pagsakay ko ng jeep lalanguin ko ang sarili ko sa mga musikang nakakagising kapag inaantok. Ok din pala rock songs. Nito ko lang naaapreciate mga lyrics. Iniisip kita. Kung nakatulog ka na ba. Nag aabang ako ng text mo. Na mimiss na kita. Hindi kita laging kayang samahan pauwi. Wala akong sapat na budget para dun. Pero sana kahit papano malaman mong gusto kitang samahan. Sana kahit papano maramdaman mo yun. Bababa ako at dadaan sa 24 hours burger stand. No choice ako kundi ang bumili ng ilan. Lagi mo akong kinagagalitan kapag nalalaman mong burger kinakain ko. patawad, wala na kong oras pa para magluto. Ito na ang pinaka praktikal. Kailangan ko rin magtipid. Sana maulit muli na ipagluto mo ako ng muffins. Gustong gusto ko yun. Kung sakali na papipiliin ako sa kahit anong pagkain, yun ang pipiliin ko. Maglalakad ako ng ilang metro patungo sa boarding house na tinutuluyan ko. Muli, lalanguin ko ang sarili ko sa musika. Bago ako matulog titingnan ko kung may mensahe ka na. Alam kong nakatulog ka na. Pahinga. Sana magising ka ng maaga.
Kung ala ala man dahil hindi tayo ngayon nagkikita, gusto kong alalahanin ang mga ngiti mo. Gusto kong alalahanin na may isang taong labis akong minamahal. Na kahit magkalayo, may presensyang nagpapaalala satin sa isa't-isa. Ikaw na nag-iisa kong prinsesa. Gusto na kitang makita. Sana.

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