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What I want to know when a couple comes in for treatment:

Look for; 1) strengths in the marriage as well as 2) areas that need improvement. Assessment takes three sessions- a conjoint session that lasts an hour and a half, and two individual sessions, one with each spouse, each a half-hour long.

Investigate 7 different questions;

- Overall, where is each in the marriage? - Martial satisfaction - Divorce potential - Each person’s commitment to the marriage - Their hopes and expectations for the marriage (including potentially getting out of their marriage) - Their hopes, expectations and theory of the therapy - Their big cost/benefit analysis of the marriage. Discrepancies between spouses? - Pattern of emotional abuse? Therapist to confront this.
- Marital Therapy Contraindicated? - An ongoing extramarital or disengagement? - Ongoing physical abuse? - Other betrayals?
- What is the nature of their marital friendship? - Is there emotional engagement or disengagement? - Lifestyle needs similar or different? - Passion and romance in the marriage? - Sexual satisfaction and intimacy? - Fun? - Spiritual connection? - Loneliness - Parallel lives? - Other salient areas? (eg. Finances) - Positive affect? - The Fondness and Admiration System? - Phsycial affection - We-ness versus me-ness? - Cognitive room (Love Maps)? - How do they talk to each other in a nonconflict context? - What do they see as the strengths of this marriage? - Feeling one’s personality is accepted? - Feeling fundamentally criticized and disliked? - How do they move through time together? - In evens-of-the-day discussion or stress-reducing conversation, is there requited interest, excitement, humour, affection? - Map out a typical week day/weekend day/vacation/getaway - How do they renew themselves and

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