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Director

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Submitted By student092758
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Riodan Manufacturing: Memorandum Analysis

After reviewing the Riodan Manufacturing Memorandum pertaining to the China Relocation the overall assessment is that it was informative to the recipients but needs more clarity and the right detailed information, perhaps attachments as well.
How I reacted to the memo: The document seems organized and flows with the intent of the message until you get to the bullets. The information seems to break down here. I see no reason why there are bullets, these could be more logically, short one liners, or be paragraphs and some of the information doesn’t seem to be needed, as it may be too vague and confusing for the recipients. The information in the bullets could well be left out of this document or at least revised; I’m uncertain whether they truly add value. Visual attachments might have aided in the understanding of the changes as well, the use of kilometers should also include miles, in case some recipients are not knowledgeable on the metric system. The memorandum also speaks to significant cost savings and increased production volumes, yet there are no statistics included, so how do the recipients comprehend this? The closing paragraph speaks to each recipient drafting a strategic plan immediately, yet the move is planned sometime within the next five years, with no set expectation of an actual timeframe for the recipients. Also, there is no set time for the delivery of the strategic plans and to whom. The document lacks a real closing sentence such as a courteous end to the recipients or an opportunity for a response.
Comments and suggestions for improvement:

Heading
The addition of the company logo adds credibility to the document, but it does utilize quite a bit of space. 1. A memorandum is most often limited to one page 2. The memorandum is not dated 3. The sender and each recipient’s title should be included 4. In the To: area, the second line (including the last name “Lord”) should be indented 5. The Heading should be double spaced 6. The sender should initial the memorandum next to his/her name

Clarity The first paragraph seems to logically set the stage for why the initial decision was made to locate Riodan Manufacturing’s China operations to the city of Hangzhou due to the proximity to the Qiantang River. This gives the recipients good background information.
The second paragraph indicates the need for the move; however additional details are needed. Statistics such as production volume increases and expected savings don’t seem to be substantiated in this document, although mentioned twice. I found the bullets to be somewhat confusing, perhaps not really needed, too long, or needing to be rewritten. Adding a few destinations for the products might be helpful. The sentence pertaining to the cost of the local trucking companies seems confusing and likely not needed. The bullets don’t seem to show a lot of value. A copy of, or a link to, the corporate strategic plan might be valuable since it is referenced.

Tone: The tone seems to start off as informational, becomes confusing within the bulleted notes, then goes back on track. The bullets are not written to relay a feeling of savings or significant detail. I would suspect that this memorandum would elicit numerous questions to Hugh McCauley, the sender.
Writing Style:

The style of writing was not effective, there are run on sentences, and it could be streamlined. I would like to think about moving some of the content within the paragraphs, getting rid of some content, and reformatting the paragraphs since they might be put into a better order, to truly communicate the pros for the relocation.

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