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Divorce Chaos

In: Social Issues

Submitted By HChusid
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Divorce Chaos
Rebecca H. Fischer, Esq.
Howard Chusid, Ed.D, NCC, LMHC

The scenario is one that is known to many. Your spouse and you are continually arguing. You can’t agree on anything. Everything, be it little or large, becomes an argument. The children hear it, your friends hear it in your voice, and your parents hear it in your interactions with them. You decide to visit a counselor, together and individually, but it doesn’t help. You still are not getting along and are left with few options. So, your friends tell you of a great attorney who has done great for many. You visit with the attorney and are told that you need a $5000 retainer but you have no idea where that is going to come from. The attorney also tells you that the cost for the divorce will be in the $50,000 – $80,000 range by the time you get through. You don’t have that kind of money to throw away on attorneys’ fees.
If you are feeling this way, there is a high probability your spouse is feeling the exact same way. The exclusion of happiness is always felt by both partners. Problems and irritations are not just a unitary function of a marriage; both partners experience it, usually at the same time. Moreover, we should not forget the kids because they always know what is going on.
There are three models of way to get through a divorce: the litigated model, collaborative model and the mediation option. The last two are similar in ideology but are different in approach. The litigated model is the one discussed in the opening paragraph. It is the one model that most people hear about. The one where there is a winner and a loser, but usually the kids lose when you choose to litigate. Litigation involves name calling, upsetting allegations, battle lines drawn, and "where will the money come from to pay the attorneys?” It has been called “war” and was well depicted in the 1979 movie, “Kramer vs....

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