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Divorce

In: Social Issues

Submitted By trustar360
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Divorce is stressful for parents and kids alike. Although reactions will depend on a child's age, temperament, and the circumstances surrounding the split, many kids feel sad, frustrated, angry, and anxious — and it's not uncommon for them to act out because of those feelings.

Fortunately, parents can help their kids during a divorce. By minimizing the tension the situation creates, being patient as everyone adjusts to the new situation, and responding openly and honestly to your kids' concerns, you can help them through this difficult time.

Crucial to a child's ability to get through a divorce is the ability of the divorcing parents to maintain a civil relationship. Conflict between parents — whether they're separated, divorced, or still together — causes major stress for kids that can last well beyond childhood.

HOW TO TELL CHILDREN- About Divorce

As soon as you're certain of your plans, talk to your child about your decision to live apart. Although there's no easy way to break the news,

IT IS BEST WHEN BOTH PARENTS ARE THERE FOR THIS CONVERSATION. And it's important to leave feelings of anger, guilt, or blame out of it.

be sure to convey one basic message: What happened is between mom and dad and does not have anything to do with the CHILDREN. Most CHILDREN will feel they are to blame even after parents have said that they are not. So it's vital for parents to keep providing this reassurance.

Try to answer their questions as truthfully as possible, in a way that they can understand and process.

Whatever your child's immediate reaction, it's important to provide answers and reassurance about how life will change and what will stay the same. Be ready with answers to these questions, even before they're asked:

Who will I live with? Where will I go to school? Will I move? Where will mom live and where will dad live? Will I still get to see my friends? Will I have to go to a different school? Can I still go to camp this summer? Can I still do my favorite activities?Try to be honest when addressing your child's concerns and provide reassurance that the family will get through this, even though it may take some time.

Helping Kids Cope
Divorce brings numerous changes and a very real sense of loss. Many CHILDREN— and parents — grieve the loss of the kind of family they had hoped for, and children especially miss the presence of a parent and the family life they had. That's why it's common and very natural for some kids to hold out hope that their parents will someday get back together — even after the finality of divorce has been explained to them. Mourning the loss of a family is normal, but over time both you and your child will come to accept the new situation. So reassure kids that it's OK for them to wish that mom and dad will reunite,but also explain the finality of your decisions.

Some ways to help kids cope with the upset of a divorce:

Encourage honesty/Help them put their feelings into words/Offer support.Keep yourself healthy.Keep the details in check. Take care to ensure privacy when discussing the details of the divorce with friends, family, or your lawyer.

Try to keep your interactions with your ex as civil as possible, especially when you're interacting in front of the kids. Take the high road — don't resort to blaming or name-calling within earshot of your children, no matter what the circumstances of the separation. This is especially important in an "at fault" divorce where there have been especially hurtful events, like infidelity

Get help. This is not the time to go it alone. Find a support group, talk to others who have gone through this, use online resources, or ask your doctor or religious leaders to refer you to other resources. Getting help yourself sets a good example for your kids on how to make a healthy adjustment to this major change.

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