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Don't Get Me Started

In: English and Literature

Submitted By NCISMaxFernLA
Words 710
Pages 3
Don’t get me started on… Twilight. Twilight… terrifying, teeny, torture!
A sickening series, spawning sequel, after sequel, after sequel. A tale of teeny love set amongst the fashionable vampire culture. I hate it! I hate vampires! I hate the banal storylines! I hate the sickening simpering simpletons posing as actors! “Wait!” I hear the cries of a thousand poor deluded teenage girls. “Why do you hate us so much?”
Firstly, and I really regret having to tell you this but… it’s not real. Those obsessive compulsives who fantasise about living their lives within these films will find that their dreams shattered by unrealistic expectations of perfection. All the characters are perfect. Every perfect plastic smiling girl has two perfect (plastic) smiling boys after her. No zits. No farts. No burps. Just, perfection. All this results in is disappointment. They can never be as perfect as Bella, Edward or Jacob – they will never find their perfect plastic partner for a simple reason: It’s. Not. Real!
Secondly Twilight is dangerous. It warps the minds of sweet, naive, innocents. How? I hear you ask. Well, is it perfectly normal to want to sink your choppers into someone’s neck? Noooo! I mean hickeys are one thing, but drinking their blood? Come on! People are jailed for less! Not to mention the fact that religious groups are up in arms about these films. Protests have broken out (ironically becoming violent) about the message these films are encouraging: an unhealthy interest in the occult. 99% of extreme right wing Evangelists are terrified that every single ‘Twilight’ watcher will become a servant of Satan, a disciple of the devil. Scary! Would you want your child to be Beelzebub’s buddy?
The films vague plot seems to resolve around a love tryst. One must either be ‘Team Edward’ or ‘Team Jacob’ dependent on whom you would prefer to ‘get it on’ with the every lovely Bella…...

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