Living with strangers
What exactly is a big city and what correlation to the term ‘’urban living’’? A dictionary defines it as ‘’ The big city is used to refer to a large city which seems attractive to someone because they think there are many exciting things to do there.’’ So what relation does it have to urban living? Well, in the essay Living with strangers, written by Siri Hustvedt, we get some insight into the life of a person living in a larger city. In this essay, we get to know how everyone is a stranger and in New York City, there rules a special unwritten law, which is the law of PRETENDING IT ISN’T HAPPENING.
An aspect of living with some complete strangers that Hustvedt is completely fascinated by, is the aforementioned ‘’law’’ pretend-it isn’t-happening-law, and that is an interesting way to get some insight into this urban living. It is a peculiar occurrence because you would think that moving to the cities would affect the amount of people you socialize with, but most of the time you actually spent indoors and isolated from the big world around you. When you finally move yourself out in the big world, then you spend half of the time looking into the ground and straying away from eye contact with strangers. Interactions between humans in our modern world is quite a complex subject to debate and it will be almost impossible, to find an exact answer to how one should act. Should everyone say hi to each and not really mean it, as they do in Minnesota or should they just mind their own business, as they do in New York? Hustvedt does not have an answer therefore; she tries to come closer to the answer by writing an essay.
The essay is a subjective collection of her thoughts on this particular issue that she has chosen to divide into three parts, the first being her personal backstory. This part provides the reader with a quick idea of the author is and how her attitude is toward this subject, about moving to a completely different place, but this is also important because it is eye catching which is vital for all genres.
Feeling alone in a crowded place is an ironic notion, but it is a feeling that everyone living in a larger city has experienced at some point and therefore the reader has an opportunity to relate to Hustvedt. The opportunity to relate to Hustvedt creates some kind of sense of ethos, which helps the author catch her audience throughout her essay.
Siri Hustvedt uses the second part of the essay to show her own theories about the certain urban laws that she had already introduced. Moreover, she does it by telling a couple of personal anecdotes, that all proves the same point: All cities have their weird people who does not want to conform the customs and expectations of this society. Nevertheless, these weirdos will never get any attention from the onlookers because the onlookers are all reciting to themselves “pretend it isn’t happening, pretend it isn’t happening, pretend it isn’t happening…” and this seems familiar to the reader. Often people will not interfere in something that is happening right beside them and this subject is what Hustvedt discusses in the final part of the essay.
To this, point Siri Hustvedt has been very critical of the urban living style and this urban law about not getting involved, but now she actually acknowledges its advantages, but it can have a dangerous outcome. One of her husband’s anecdotes proves this. This anecdote is about a man being threatened on his life just because he broke the ‘’law’’ and asked a man if he could put out his cigarette on the subway. This threat is probably nothing but a threat; however, it is still a verbal attack on a Midwestern guy breaking out the conformity and it can have horrible consequences. “Taking action may be viewed as courageous or merely stupid, depending on the circumstances and your point of view.” Siri Hustvedt tells another story, which is quite the counterpart to previous one, because it has a happy ending. This one is about her own daughter and how she was confronted by a man declaring his everlasting love for her. She did what every New-Yorker would do and ignored him. Nevertheless, she felt deeply uncomfortable, but a man interfered “By breaking the code, the man acknowledged himself as a witness to what, despite the pretence, had been a very public outburst.” This man broke the code and actually helped Hustvedt’s daughter, because she suddenly felt that she was not completely alone. This anecdote is an alternative to the pretend-it-isn’t-happening-law. This man decided to help a fellow person in need, and by doing so he stepped out the predetermined role that made by this big city society. Minnesotans are not any more polite just because they greet the strangers they meet and New-Yorkers are not any ruder just because they mind their own business. It is only the roles set by the society we live in.
This essay did what an essay is supposed to do. It came a little bit closer to the answer or at least investigated this subject. So overall Siri Hustvedt’s essay was an example of the classical essay and in my opinion, it was a good example.

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[ 1 ]. Hustvedt, Siri: ”Living With Strangers” 2002, p. 2, l. 53-55
[ 2 ]. Ibid., p. 3, l. 91-92