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Finally Coming Home

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Submitted By Debchristine
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Finally Coming Home
By Debra Whalen Piatt As I lay in the dark on my bed passed out from to many muscle relaxers waking up thinking there was some one talking to me but I was alone in the room could not see anyone even if I wanted too. The voice came back telling me to come with him, when I opened my eyes I saw the outline of the most horrible looking creature, I saw the outline of a pointed nose, the ears where point up and the horns came out of the forehead and it was smiling at me telling me to give up and just die. That I was no good and he could help me. Then I would go to sleep again for how long I did not now. But every time I woke up I would see the same thing. And the last thing I remember I said “NO, go away.” Then I would fall asleep again but this time the room was warm and cozy felt like I was in a safe place and I slept the whole night. The next morning I woke still feeling like a looser and that my life was over this has been going on for a long time with no help in sight I took my feeling to the next level and tried to over dose on blood pressure pills and pain pills just waiting for me to not wake up. But again something happened and if it wasn’t for my family and friends and even my doctor I would probably would have succeed, going where that horrible face wanted me to go. It never happened my blood pressure did not even drop so my efforts were wasted on something that did not occur for reasons that as a human being I could not even fathom and this is not the first time that the powers greater than me, a guardian angel, or even the spirit of GOD has saved me more than once. So how do I explain this, will other people believe me or think of me as a quack. Is there something out there that we cannot see protecting us from all the bad things that are out there, saving us from ourselves? I believe that there is a God and spirit and even Jesus Christ is real but why would they want me what have I done to deserve there protection. Why would they want to protect someone like me anyway? Could it be through grace or the fact that my mother was a woman of great faith and God is doing this for her? Whatever it is I get it. I understand that God has a plan for me whatever it is plus I found out that I am lovable with my family that they really care about me no matter what so I need to take that and hold that close to me and never forget it. Remembering when I was a child and how fun loving I was and how much fun that I had going up with my family. What had happened to that young girl that thought life was wonderful, that nothing could get in her way. But somewhere in her growing I lost all that, something inside me died and I can never get it back. I lost my way, I tried hard loose myself with the alcohol; to feel numb forget what happened to me, but could never quite get there something always stopped me but why? So let’s start my story at the point when my life changed.

The rain is hitting my car; I can’t even see what is in front of me. Good thing I am just getting in my car listening to the radio, feeling tears fall on my cheeks. Wanting to get out of my car and kneel before my mother grave crying. Saying “Why did you leave me mom, why?” I want so bad to go back to that life before it all changed. I felt safe then and know I just feel lost. A song comes on the radio the song is “Hell is for children” and that what I feel that I have been living in since I was twelve is hell. None of this is my doing just other treating my really bad. My mother was my rock my life is nothing without her. But it seems that it is not true that I was put on this earth for a reason, wish I knew what that reason was, but all will be revealed in good time.
Hearing the rain fall heavily on my car reminds me of a simpler life where I had nothing to worry about and my life was full of laughter and love. I am still crying but not as bad. I know that I have to continue with my life but when will it get better. I look over at the cemetery and can barely see the headstone. I say “Mom I love you goodbye.” Leaving the gravel road turning onto the paved road I realize that I am alone, no one to help me no one that cares. For the first time I am going home to nothing, to an empty apartment with just myself as company, a very lonely place when you are used to having people around to talk to and to fight with. This is a new world for me.

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