Forever With You

PROLOGUE I never knew life could be this cruel. I never knew it would all end up like this. Life is so unfair. And I started to dwell on that fact. Why would he have to be the one? A tear fell from my eye. No! This can’t be happening! I knew at an instant that our battle is over. I broke into a run outside the hospital and as soon as I was out, the crisp of the cold night air engulfed me. I screamed at the top of my lungs as a blinding flash of light struck my eyes. I saw a glimpse of a shiny black Volvo: the very same car that started all these misery. It’s the car of death: the one that almost killed me and my beloved. Instead of sprawling away from the road, I smiled unwarily as the loud tire screeches filled the silence of the night. I was sent flying over board as the bone shattering impact met my build. This must be what dying feels like. And if this is true love, we’ll see each other again.
His words echoed in my mind. I fell on the road feeling the cold asphalt on my skin and that’s when I closed my eyes . . . forever.

Chapter 1
Moving
“Sehun-ah!” A booming voice awoke me from my trance. “You coming or not? The car’s waiting. Ppalli.” I mumbled something to myself as I caught a final glimpse on my window. Why do we even have to leave this house? The weather’s so good it’s a shame for me for not being able to enjoy it. Sigh. Screw this moving-somewhere-else idea. It would be fun skiing - without falling on the water of course – while watching girls clad in bikinis. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a pervert. Well, somehow. But this is not about me. It’s about this moving-somewhere-else thingy. It’s really getting on my nerve. “Yah, Oh Mija!” Arrgh. That was most probably my she-thinks-she’s-so-cool sister. “Yah, Oh HaYoung! How many times do I have to tell you not to call me by that nickname! You know I hate that!” I shouted as I gather my clothes and shove them half-heartedly in my bag. “And what do you want me to call you, huh? Thehunnie? Tchh.. Ppalliwa! Dad’s getting all pissed.” “Ha! I don’t have that lisp anymore, pabo! Why are you bothering me anyway? God, you really look ugly when you’re mad. And yes, I’m coming out so stop pestering me already.” I plugged in my earphone and played some K-POP songs to brighten up my mood. Just when I was in the middle of enjoyment, Hayoung was saying something I couldn’t fathom. Bet she’s scolding me again, good thing I have my earphones on. I knew this tiny piece of thing will come in handy. I went inside the car and asked Dad where Taeha hyung is. “Oh, you know your brother’s busy with their promotions. Well, he said he’ll be with us in a week or so. Now buckle up and off we go.” Dad replied. Perfect. I mean sarcastically perfect. This means I have Hayoung here to spend the whole ride with to God-knows-where. No hyung to protect me. How good is that? I caught a glimpse of our house, the house where Mom’s memories would stay forever: where we are complete and happily celebrating each other’s birthdays. I remember well 2 years ago when I came home from dance training. The doors were forced open which made me all frightened. Dad’s at work, Taeha hyung and Hayoung have their schedules and that leaves me and my Mom for the night. I ran to her room and found Mom lying on her bed, dead: swimming in her own pool of blood. It really came as a shock and I was traumatized for days. It’s really hard for us to move on about that tragedy but I know that Mom would always be with us no matter what we do and where we go. “D-dad..?” came my throaty voice as the car stopped at Incheon International Airport. “Hmm, Sehun?” “Where exactly are we going?” Dad unbuckled his seatbelt and faced us with a smile. “China.”

Chapter 2
Hello Kitty The flight was peaceful. Not mentioning Hayoung bugging me all along. Peaceful somehow in a way I couldn’t explain . . . like I was meant to be here.
The car came to a stop and I surveyed the new environment. I have to admit Beijing is a pretty nice place. With all these buildings and stuffs, it’s pretty much like Korea. Only a bit more relaxing, I dunno. I went out of the car and plugged in my earphones again, this time, listening to Yiruma’s Kiss the Rain. This is just perfect. Just when my mood started to lighten, Hayoung starts annoying me again by tripping me and need I say she succeeded for I fell like almost 3 times. I went inside the country-styled classy house and I guess this is where we’ll live for like forever. My mouth literally fell open when I noticed that the interior is the exact opposite of the outside of the house. “Wow! This is awesome!” I exclaimed in disbelief. The design and even the furniture are all modernized yet in a classy way. Dad surely got busy looking for this place, eh? A woman – probably Chinese - about my father’s age came to greet us and I offered a bow as Dad introduced me and Hayoung. “These, Mrs. Lu, are my children. Hayoung and Sehun,” Dad said while patting at us. “Taeha, my eldest son is still in Korea. You know, promotions and stuffs.” Lu? That was a cute surname. Or was it her name already? Anyway, I roamed the living room and as soon as Mrs. Lu and Dad were done talking to each other, I kindly asked the former where my room would be. It turned out that it was opposite to that room with a pink door filled with Hello Kitty stickers which nearly made me puke. Please don’t tell me that’s Mrs. Lu’s room. I might get sick. Or maybe she has a daughter who likes Hello Kitty that much. The latter sounded like a much better option. I nodded as I entered my room. I haven’t even settled all my things yet when Hayoung came running inside my room. “Yah, Oh Mija! You won’t believe what I’m going to show you!” She grabbed my wrist but refused to go with her. “Hayoung, I’m tired. Save that stupid prank of yours for tomorrow, will you? I’m still having a jet lag here.” “Hey, this isn’t a prank! I really have something to show you and I’m sure you’ll be interested.” “Jinjja?” This sounds weird but there would be no harm if I go with her, right? Well, I hope so. There really are no assurances with Hayoung around. She led me to a corridor adjacent to the front door overlapping the living room. I haven’t seen this part of the house yet. What is she up to? The lights went on and I gasped not at the instant lighting but at the awesome view: the whole room seems to be reeking of K-POP stuffs, mostly TVXQ. Wow. This surely is a haven for us fans. “So, Mrs. Lu’s a Cassie, eh?” I asked Hayoung but her words were stuck in her throat as an older woman’s voice answered my question. “Somehow, I’m a fan. When your only son is a TVXQ fan, wouldn’t you at least be a fan too?” Mrs. Lu answered with a smile while placing the Spellbound Official Poster on the wall. “You mean . . . you have a son?” Hayoung giggled. “Not a . . . daughter?” I gulped as Hayoung raised her brows at me. Mrs. Lu chuckled. “You thought I have a daughter because of those Hello Kitty stuffs on one of the rooms, hmm? Well, my son is somehow obsessed with Hello Kitty. Telling me he’s manly and all but I know for a fact that he’s gay. You know, mother’s instincts are never wrong.” I nearly blushed at her words which I haven’t experienced before. Damn it! I don’t know why my cheeks are turning all tomatoes. “He’ll be home by next week. They still have a soccer match in GuangZhou. Here. It’s a picture of my son. He’s Lu Han.” She handed the picture to me and my eyes took all the glory of viewing Lu Han’s gorgeous face: his lips, his nose and most of all, his eyes that seem to sparkle. I knew at an instant that something’s wrong with me. My heart skipped a beat.

Chapter 3
Confusion
It has been a week while we’re on this house, still, there’s no sign of him. Wait, why am I even looking forward to see him? He’s just another guy my age, probably older. Nothing special. But why does my heart seems to say differently? Lu Han is just . . . Thump. There it is. My heart is all starting to act funny. To hell with that. “Don’t be stupid, Oh Sehun,” I told myself. “Lu Han won’t ruin your life like your sister does.” Dad told me last night that by next week, I’ll be starting my first day of school. I don’t even know if I’m already enrolled. There was a loud knock on the door and I know in the first place that it’s Hayoung. “What?” I opened the door forcefully which sent Hayoung falling forward. “Aww! I was just about to tell you to take shower because Dad said we’re going to our school.” “Can’t I go to a separate school? I mean a different one from where you’re going.” I rolled my eyes. “You know what, I wish that too. Unfortunately, Dad went all berserk to me, telling me that it’s better if we stick together. Sucks, right? Now, if you don’t want to take a shower, at least change your clothes. You stink.” I shut the door at her face and made my way to the bathroom take a quick shower. After a couple of minutes, I made my way to the living room – fully dressed - where they are all gathered. And when I say “all”, I mean Mrs. Lu, Dad, Hayoung and Lu Han. Wait. Lu Han? I stumbled from where I stood: too late for me to notice that I am on the last step of the stairs. Hayoung laughed so loud that their eyes are all on me. I swear I could see Lu Han smiling at me. How can anyone be so angelic just by smiling? I shove the thought away and gathered my composure as I trudge beside Dad. I could hear Lu Han’s soothing voice calling me by my name and I swear my heart went nuts. “Hey, Sehun. You looked like you’ve seen a ghost.” You have no idea. What I’m seeing is definitely not a ghost. “He’s an angel…” I mumbled unconsciously while staring at Lu Han. “Who’s an angel, Sehunnie?” Lu Han leaned forward so that our faces were only inches apart.
He. Called. Me. Sehunnie.
I blinked. I am not okay.
He smiled and reached my hand for a shake. It’s a shame that my hand is all sweaty. “I’m Lu Han, by the way. You’re father said that you and Hayoung will be going to the same school with me. Isn’t that amazing?” He chuckled as he leaned his back again on the couch. “Is it just me or Sehun is actually blushing? So gay…” Hayoung asked Dad. “Well, are we going or not? I haven’t got all day. I have to get back by 5pm to watch cartoons.” I went to the garage and quickly placed myself at the backseat. Just then someone sat next to me. “Mind if I sit here next to you?” Lu Han asked while bearing those pleading eyes. How could anyone say no to that question? Let alone his expression that literally makes we wanna melt in sight. “Err. N-not at all…” I managed to smile while I move uncomfortably to give him space. I sneaked a peek at his face: he’s so excruciatingly beautiful. I can’t look at him directly, afraid that he’ll catch me staring at him. This feeling is so foreign. Maybe Hayoung was right. I guess I like him. Maybe I am gay, just for him. He must have noticed the awkward tension between us that he started a conversation with me. “Hey, Sehunnie. Hayoung said you can dance well! She’s so fond of you. She keeps saying how talented and nice you are.” “Really? I… I didn’t know that.” I stammered. “Oh, I see.” He closed his eyes immediately while I divert my gaze on the view outside. Suddenly, his head rested on my shoulder. I cringed but didn’t bother to move away: I just let him do so. In return, I rested my head above his and we slept throughout the ride without noticing Dad watching us from the mirror.

Chapter 4
Revelations
It was night time when we arrived back at the house and I went out for a walk. Seeing that the stars are all out tonight, I decided to lie down on the grass and search for as many constellations that I could name of. “If I would be born again,” a soothing voice came from behind me. I pushed myself up to sit and saw Lu Han smiling at me. He lies down next to me and started gazing at the stars. “I want to be a star. Shining endlessly at night, giving hope for those who seek it. And when the day is approaching, I may not be in sight but still you would know that I exist.” Our eyes met. It took three heartbeats for him to break the silence. “You, what do you want to be?” “I…” His eyes that literally glimmer, his angelic voice that makes my heart flutter; those are enough to explain what I’m feeling. “I want to be with you, Hannie-hyung.”
---
“When are you gonna tell them the truth?” Mrs. Lu asked Dad with a wary look. “When, huh? They are starting to like each other, for God’s sake! It’s bad enough that they are both guys but… this?! I can’t let that happen!” What exactly is going on here? I peeked at the slightly opened door while waiting for Lu Han. “This is not the right time,” Dad sat on the couch while letting out a deep sigh. “And when is the right time?! When they are already committed to each other? That’s when we tell them? Lu Han’s your son, too! They’re both your flesh and blood!” I stood frozen on my spot and as soon as I gathered my guts, I slowly appeared from their sight. “Is this true, Dad? Malhaebwa… Tell me!!” “Sehun-ah… It’s…” “All these years, we’re living in lies! Mom didn’t know about this right? How could you!!” I ran outside and saw Lu Han crying. “Hannie-hyung, listen. I love you. Let’s get away from here…” I cupped his face; wiping the tears off his eyes. “Please don’t cry.” He just shook his head and continues crying. “I can’t, Sehun. You’re my brother. This will never work out.” “I don’t care, Hannie-hyung. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we love each other, right? I love you and that’s all I know!” I hugged him tight while fighting the urge to cry. “Get off of him.” A shorter guy wearing a soccer jersey came out of nowhere. “Who the fuck are you?!” “Xiumin, it’s okay. Just leave us alone.” Lu Han, told the shorter guy. “I said get off of him!” And I did. I hit the guy named Xiumin with my fist using all my strength straight on his face and he retaliated immediately with a punch on my abdomen. Being the skinny teenager that I am, I lost balance and fell sideways on the road. I have no match for this Xiumin’s bulky build. Lu Han kept on shouting and begging us to stop all this time but I ignored him. I have to fight for this love. Lu Han broke into a run across the street while crying when he couldn’t stop Xiumin and me from fighting. I was about to follow him when a shiny black Volvo came speeding to his direction. “No!” Xiumin shouted. I quickly hugged Lu Han and tried to pull him away from the direction of the black Volvo but everything happened so fast and the car hit us both then darkness invaded my vision.

Chapter 5
Regret
Blink.
It’s all a blur. But I can see silhouettes of people in white background. Am I dead?
“He’s awake,” I heard someone whisper.
I adjusted to the white eye-piercing light and noticed that I’m most probably at the hospital.
“How is he?” I forced myself to sit up but Dad won’t let me.
“He’s not yet awake. Just some visible bruises but he’ll be fine in no time so don’t blame yourself.”
“No. It’s my entire fault. If I didn’t…”
“Stop, Oh Sehun. You need rest.”
The nurse injected something at me that made me feel all drowsy in an instant but before I completely shut my eyes out, I managed to get a glimpse of Lu Han on the mattress next to me.
---
A couple of hours passed and I woke up finding Lu Han asleep in my arms. Surely, this is the best feeling when you wake up.
“Oh, you’re awake. I’m sorry, Sehun.”
“Hey, don’t be sorry. You know I’d do anything for you, right? And for your information, I’m the one who woke up first! It’s just that the nurse injected something on me.”
He smiled and I could just die at the moment. His smile is the last thing I’d want to see before I die.
“You know, I think we should end this whatever it is between us. I mean let’s start anew. Act as if nothing happened. Things are getting complicated and it’s even worse, you, being my brother. We can’t be together, I’m sorry.” He looked down and got on his feet. “I’m sorry but I can’t do that. I can’t just give up on you. I’ll fight for you even though I know everything is all fucked up. Even though I know it’s a battle that we’ll never win.” Lu Han shook his head and I swear he’s crying again. It’s obvious that his body still hurts from the accident since he winced as he walks. He went out of the room without looking back at me. I feel bad ‘cos I can’t do anything to ease his pain. If only I haven’t eavesdropped that night when Mrs. Lu and Dad were arguing, we might have been going on all right. But still, the truth hurts right? They say it’s better to be hurt with the truth than to be comforted with lies. But I say differently. Why hurt yourself with the pain of truth when you can force yourself to live with the comfort of lies? It’s just a matter of choices. I was then discharged from the hospital the next day. The house was unusually quiet. “Sehun-ah. We need to talk,” Dad said while helping me get through the door. “If it has something to do with me and Lu Han, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m not interested. I’m in no mood for your preaching.” “But, son. You have to understand…” “I do understand! Okay?! But guess what? I don’t care!!” I left and went to my room; slamming the door shut as I pass through.

Chapter 6
Complications
How long has it been since the last time I saw him? Probably too long that I couldn’t even remember. I am on my way home from school one day when I saw Xiumin with Lu Han. Blood filled my temple and I want to burst in rage. I dropped my school bag and ran towards them, grabbing Xiumin away from my Hannie-hyung. “Sehun!” Lu Han exclaimed. I hugged him tight; not wanting to let go but he pushed me away. “I told you to drop this whatever it is! It can’t be, Sehun. Please, just try to understand. I’m hurting as much as you do. But we can’t do anything. It won’t work this way…” He had his reasons but I continued hugging him like it was my last day on Earth. Xiumin shoved me, grabbing me by my collar. “Xiumin! Sehun! Please stop this nonsense! Please…” he cried but I tried to ignore him. I want to show Xiumin that I deserve Lu Han more than he does. I was about to hit Xiumin when I saw blood gushing out of Lu Han’s nose then he collapsed. “Lu Han!” Xiumin and I screamed in unison. “Sehun, Go and tell Mrs. Lu what happened. I’ll bring him to the hospital.” Xiumin ordered. I stare at Lu Han dumbfounded and ran as fast as I can. This is all my fault! But there’s no regretting now. The damage has been done. As soon as I came near the door, I shouted. “Appa! Mrs. Lu!” Dad came running followed by Mrs. Lu and Hayoung. “L-Lu Han… He collapsed.” Dad grabbed me by my collar, “What stupid thing have you done this time, Oh SeHun!? If something bad happens to him…” He shook his head and let go of me. I was left there on the porch; crying with all my might. Hayoung hugged me for the first time. “Gwaenchana, Oh Mija~” I hugged her back and allow my tears to fall freely out of my blood shot eyes. And yet again, for the first time, she wiped my tears.
---
It was past 10PM when Dad and Mrs. Lu came back but without Lu Han. Dad approached me but I left the living room instantly and headed to my room where Hayoung followed. “Oh Mija~ can we talk?” I nod and we sat on the floor. “I know it’s hard but please try to love another girl…or guy. Or whichever you prefer. You’re not making this any easier for the two of you.” “I can’t. I love him. He’s my life now. I can’t just leave him. Even if I do, my heart will only beat for him… no one else could make me feel this better but him.” “And what about him? Can you ignore his sufferings? He’s devastated, Sehun. I know he loves you as much as you do, I can feel it. But he’s making a favor for you… for all of us. He’s trying his best to ignore you but you won’t let him. And it’s killing him. Don’t you think it’s unfair?” “Hayoung, I appreciate your words but that’s what love is right? It’s all about sacrifice. It’s all about fighting for what you think is right not for what everyone else thinks is right.” “You’ll sacrifice even your blood ties? You’re so screwed up in the head, Oh Mija~ I can’t believe this is all coming from you.” “Me either.”

Chapter 7
Finale
Couple of months passed and we still ignored each other. It hurts me every time I see him yet I couldn’t even say “Hi” to him. He’s so near yet so far. Oh, the irony of it all. I saw him writing something on a cream colored paper and I went near him but he just walked away as if I’m a ghost. Wait. There’s something off about him. He looks pale. I mean, pale than usual. I think this might just be because of the lightings. I just shook my head and followed him. My eyes widened as I saw Xiumin waiting for him outside. I was about to lunge at him but I abruptly stopped as Lu Han gave him something. It was the paper… the cream colored one that he was writing on just now and with it was a ring. My heart seems to burst in remorse but knowing that he’s made his choice already, I just turned away while fighting the tears that were eager to rush down my cheeks. I knew that this should be the end of my feelings for him. It’s over.
---
Several months had passed and I haven’t seen Lu Han anywhere same as with Dad and Mrs. Lu so it’s basically me and Hayoung inside the house. Months without seeing him… it slowly kills me… months of enduring the eagerness to see his face again which I already memorized for the time being: this is even worse than dying. There was a knock on the front door and I answered it. Xiumin appeared and I managed to fake a smile. Oh, the guts of this guy. “What? You have him now, right? You’re here to brag about the ring he gave you? Oh please. Go on, as if I care.” “It’s not that…” “Hah… I see, so it’s the letter that you’re bragging? Is that what you came here for? Well, congratulations. Best wishes. You may now leave.” Xiumin rolled his eyes and shoved the letter to my chest. “Could you please read it?” I grabbed the paper and started reading its content:

Sehunnie,
By the time you read this, it may be too late. Sorry for not telling you personally. I hope you’ll forgive me someday. I’ll be missing you. This ring is for you, keep it. This will remind you that no matter where you go, I’ll always be there guiding you.
I love you.
And if this is true love, we’ll see each other again. I’m sorry.
Goodbye.
P.S. It’s okay, Sehunnie. Please don’t cry. * Lu Han
Tears started to form in my eyes. Xiumin was about to cry too.
“What is this all about?!” I asked.
“He’s my best friend.” Xiumin responded while tears are falling from his eyes. “Lu Han has leukemia. He’s been fighting it for a year now but it just keeps getting worse. He doesn’t want to let you know. Telling me that he doesn’t want you getting hurt. I’ve been protecting him all this time. He’s weak and now he’s on the ER.”
“Why did you just gave these to me now?!”
“He told me to give these to you when it’s time. When he knew that he’ll be gone.”
I grabbed my jacket and ran towards the hospital. Tears flowing continuously from my eyes now. As I entered the corridor near the ER, I saw several familiar faces from school. But they hardly didn’t matter now.
“LUHAAAAAAAN!!!!” I screamed while banging my fist at the ER door. “Hannie-hyung!!”
“Calm down, Sehun-ah,” Kai tapped my shoulders. “He’ll be fine. God will save him. He’s a strong guy, you know. Just have faith.” But I can tell in his own cracking voice that he’s as nervous as I am.
I sat with my head on my hands and knees as the ER door flew open. Lu Han’s body was being covered with a blanket and I saw the ring on his finger: the same ring that he gave me through Xiumin. Everyone was crying and I could hear Hayoung, Dad and Mrs. Lu sobbing while tears kept falling from their swollen eyes. I hugged Lu Han tightly, not wanting to let go: feeling his soft hair and still warm skin for the last time. Tears kept falling but I don’t care. Someone’s motioning me to move away but I didn’t budge. All that matters now is Lu Han. Just him…
“Lu Han… No… Hannie-hyung please wake up. Please…” I begged and screamed. All my hopes are gone . . . wasted.
I broke into a run outside the hospital and as soon as I was out, the crisp of the cold night air engulfed me. I screamed at the top of my lungs - begging Lu Han to come back - as a blinding flash of light struck my eyes.
“Why… Lu Han…” I stare blankly ahead; eyes swollen from too much crying, heart aching from too much loss. I saw a glimpse of a shiny black Volvo: the very same car that started all these misery. It’s the car of death: the one that almost killed me and my beloved. Instead of sprawling away from the road, I smiled unwarily as the loud tire screeches filled the silence of the night.
I was sent flying over board as the bone shattering impact met my build. This must be what dying feels like. And if this is true love, we’ll see each other again.
His words echoed in my mind. Oh that angelic voice…
If forever does exist, I’d spend it with him: in a place where no one could judge us. A place where there’s no right or wrong. A place where the only thing that matters is the two of us.
“I’m coming home, Hannie-hyung…” I smiled while picturing his lovely lips forming those perfect arcs that made my world stop.
I fell on the road feeling the cold asphalt on my skin and that’s when I closed my eyes . . . forever.