Freudian Defense Mechanisms
While we studied Freud’s defense mechanism in class I could recognize how almost every single one of the mechanisms has been present in my life at some time, but a few were more predominate than others. The four that really stood out to me during your lecture were compartmentalization, displacement, emotional isolation, and undoing. In my life all four of these have been used by my ego in a way to try and reduce stress or tension that was or is occurring.
I was born and raised in a strong Christian family. We prayed before all our meals and went to church every Sunday morning. As I grew older I also started to attend church on Wednesday and Sunday nights for youth group and small groups. I was taught numerous things such as not to drink, do drugs, have premarital sex, gossip, cheat, use curse words, or lie. Since I attended a private Christian school the majority of my childhood everyone around me had the same morals and beliefs so it was not hard to believe that this was the way I should live my life.
Once I hit seventh grade the private school I was attending stopped offering classes to adolescents my age forcing me to attend public school, this is where everything changed. I began to date boys and say phrases like “ Oh my god” instead of “ Oh my gosh.” Public school was a completely different world that I didn’t even know existed until then, but middle school was just the beginning of my complete life change. Once I reached high school I got into my first committed relationship that I stayed in for three years so I am sure you can assume the no premarital sex thing was tossed out the window. I became part of the “poplar” group of girls which included drinking, gossiping, lying, things I had for so long been taught not to do.
On the other hand I still had my core group of Christian friends that I saw every week on Sunday’s and Wednesday that I didn’t want to know about the life decisions I was making when they were not around. This is where the compartmentalization defense mechanism comes into play. Unconsciously I would put a front on around my Christian friends acting like I was still in the same religious place in my life as I had always been. At that time I felt that I could still be the strong Christian I had been as long as I kept the other things going on in my life secret from them.
I continued to do this for about three years up to my junior year of high school when I realized how fake I was acting. My boyfriend and I had broken up and I wasn’t quite as popular as I once thought I was. I wore tired of compartmentalizing my life and ended up just laying it all out on the table for my Christian friends to see. I lost a few friendships because of the double standard I was living, but my true friends were still there for me no matter what choices I made. I felt it was necessary to use compartmentalization in my life to be socially accepted by the two completely different groups I was part of at the time without having to choose between lifestyles. My ego was threatened because my entire life I was taught morals that I wanted to hold onto, but still be able to do the things that my new friends were doing as well. After finally letting go of that defense mechanism things were less stressful in my life, I no longer felt like I was living a lie. Another mechanism I use is displacement. I can think of numerous ways I have expressed this defense but the one that comes to mind right off the back is when I use it against my cell phone. There are a few past experiences when I have been angry or irritated with the person I was texting and after reading a message they had sent me I would throw my phone somewhere away from me in order to release my anger. This most often occurs when I am driving a vehicle so I will throw it at the floor of the passenger side of my car. When I do this I am really taking the anger I had against the person on the other side of my message out on my phone, when my phone did nothing wrong. I use this defense mechanism because when I am angry about something I act out on it right away. I don’t take time to think things over before showing my anger. In the moment it feels necessary for me to throw my phone to show that I am mad but this does nothing to create a solution to my anger.
Another way I use displacement is against my family. Typically I am a very personal individual, I don’t like to discuss things that are going on in my life. So when I come home around ten p.m. after a long day of school and work when my mom or dad asks me thousands of questions my answers will be filled with a lot of attitude and irritation making it seem like I am angry with them. I don’t think it is necessary that I use this defense mechanism in my life, in fact I try not to. I do this unconsciously because I don’t feel like talking to anyone and the fact that they are annoys me easily when I reach this part of my day. In reality they are doing nothing wrong and are just trying to show that they care about me and my life.
The third mechanism that once influenced my life is emotional isolation. My best friend through my tough first few years at public school soon became my boyfriend in the ninth grade. I was hesitant to get in a relationship with him because we had been best friends for so long and I didn’t want us not to work out and lose the friendship we had. My heart outweighed my mind and we started an intimate relationship together. We dated for three years and came to the point of realization that we were headed in completely different directions in life. The ending of our relationship threatened my ego because the guy I thought I loved chose his future over me. We once had talked of our future together as a couple and facing the realization of not having him anymore was hard on me.
After our break up my personality became extremely passive. I still talked to other guys but never allowed myself to create feelings for them. For over a year I told myself I would never get into another committed relationship like the one I was in. Using the emotional isolation defense mechanism was something I forced myself to do because losing someone that meant so much to me really killed me inside. I never wanted to have to experience a pain like that again. I thought if I isolated myself from having feelings towards anyone I wouldn’t experience another painful loss.
Isolation in any situation is definitely something I would consider a typical response for me. After my parents divorce I also used emotional isolation against them in order to keep myself from showing how much their separation had hurt me. I stopped caring for them as much as I used to and it really had a negative effect on my life. I felt isolating and throwing away the relationship I had with my parents at the time was necessary because I was almost trying to seek revenge on them for being separated.
The last defense mechanism I see prevailing in my life today is undoing. I have an older brother that is only 22 months older than me. We were really close and spent a lot of time together growing up since our ages were similar. Then April 20, 1999 there was a new addition to the family, our baby brother. He was unexpected blessing to the family my mom used to say. My older brother and I carried on with our lives like normal and never completely accepted our new little brother Ian into the equation. We were never mean to him, we just continued to do our own thing we had been doing for so long without letting him always join in. I think my little brother Ian and I never truly had a good relationship since the beginning due to this, which is something I regret.
My older brother is now away at college leaving only Ian and I living at home. Since my parents divorce my mom and dad both have a new significant others which leaves my little brother alone, receiving little attention from people often times. I have tried to use the undoing mechanism a lot lately by spending any extra time I have with my little brother giving him the attention a thirteen-year-old boy needs. Being a teenager is a crucial age that I went through not long ago, so I try to help and spend time with him now hoping to make up for the loss of relationship we had when we were younger.
I have seen myself use undoing in many ways that are smaller in effect. Anytime I hurt someone, or wrong someone I always try to reconcile with him or her by giving or doing things for them in hopes to outweigh the bad with the good. In the long run I think your ego will become hurt if you don’t use undoing because you will be perceived as a heartless person. Undoing is a defense mechanism people use unconsciously daily because nobody is perfect.
The Freudian defense mechanisms all serve a purpose and those are just a few that have served a purpose in my life. Not all of these mechanisms are a good way to respond to anxiety that occurs within us. Looking at the defenses mechanisms you use can help you shape the person you mature in life to become.