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Hidden Value of a Man

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FAM 555: Ministry to Fathers
Reflections of the Gold Sword: What a Wife Really Wants
Daniel Greenberg
October 30, 2012

God has called to make up our gold sword and become better husbands and fathers. Smalley and Trent came up with seven basics that can make the real difference in the establishment of our gold sword. Developing a plan with these seven reflections should be the basics and the foundation for a family. The first reflection is deciding to honor our loved ones. “First, honoring others begins with giving honor to God” (ST, pg.53). Honoring someone else means placing high value on them. We need to make a commitment to build security in the lives of our loved ones. We can strengthen our grip on the gold sword when they are secure in our love. Honoring each other involves praying to each other regularly. The four aspects of honor are God, security, praise, and protection. If we can handle these four things, our gold sword will strengthen. The next reflection is to understand and appreciate a person’s natural strengths. There is a need to realize that there are differences that are going to occur in any marriage and that they can be potentially hazardous. The book describes the four types of personalities (lions, beavers, otters, golden retrievers) and it is important to blend our personalities with our loved ones. Understanding our partners personal strengths can be a tremendous help in overcoming weaknesses. Developing meaningful communication is the next reflection and it requires us to have some kind of regular, meaningful communication to have a satisfying relationship. “If understanding personality differences decreases friction in a home, meaningful communication can lower it even further” (ST, pg. 64). The book mentions quick listening which is listening and then trying to clarify what she says as well as emotional word pictures which is taking a thought and linking it with a story or object that can grab emotions. Another communication method is resolving and this is taking a piece of paper and listing the advantages and disadvantages on each side and this can help with perhaps a sensitive issue. These three communication methods can really help improve communication in a home. The fourth reflection of the gold sword is dealing with anger in a timely, healthy way. Most men are unaware of how much damage their anger can cause. While friction is inevitable, anger is not the correct answer. Having the gold sword requires that we deal with our anger. We need to direct our anger in other forms as the book mentions a correlation between unhealthy anger and an increase in pessimism and lack of success in the workplace. The next reflection of the gold sword is meaningful touching. While many men might associate this to be sexually involved, this is not what this is intended. “The Scriptures are clear that regular sexual involvement is crucial not only to enrich the marriage, but also to protect a couple from temptation and sexual sin”(ST, pg.75 ). If a woman is treated with things such as respect and honor, then she will always be there for you. Meaningful touching is a quality way to express warmth and security to a spouse. Regular emotional bonding experiences are the sixth reflection of the gold sword. This comes in all the little things we do with one another. The text calls this one of the biggest factors in building a really satisfying relationship. It takes a lot of effort to create enough time for one another. This usually requires putting off other activities that we might enjoy such as playing golf or watching the big game with friends. Some of the moments that we expect the least will create memories that we will cherish forever. The more positive experiences you can have with one another will only strengthen your relationship. The last reflection of the gold sword is financial stewardship. Financial accountability is an important part in carrying out the gold sword. While most would place finances with the silver sword, financial faithfulness is a critical element of having the golden sword. This also requires some sacrifices but to live debt free is going to allow you to concentrate more on carrying out the gold sword. Chapter nine of When Men Think Private Thoughts ties into the gold sword by describing what women want. MacDonald gives a list of ten ideas that a wife would want and need in a marriage. The first is she wants to give herself to her man, but she needs devotion first. This means she deserves to be praise in her realness and brokenness. A husband should have no reason to want her to change. The next idea is she needs to be cherished; she wants my affection. A husband should ask his wife how she wants to be loved. “Cherishing happens when I make the effort to search out and respond to her feeling and concerns” (GM, pg. 136). This takes effort from the man to be a sincere listener to his wife. The third idea is like me, she has fears and weaknesses and she wants my protection. Protection has a lot more to do with the emotional and relational struggles of a person. A wife needs a commitment from a husband that he is going to be there for her struggles. The next idea is she is curious about my heart; she wants my openness. A husband needs to share his feelings in his life so his wife can help him. “My wife wants to know where she can make a contribution in my life” (GM, pg. 139). Next, the idea is she desires that I blaze the trail and she wants my leadership. In this idea, it calls for the husband to accept responsibility for our call that God has put before us. The sixth idea is that she needs to be affirmed for her value; she deserves respect. A wife needs to be recognized for her deeper or unseen beauty as well as her character and depth. The next idea is she lives a demanding life and she needs someone to share the load. Women work so much more in their careers as well at home and a husband is needed in the household more now than ever before. She is willing to do almost anything for me and she needs my appreciation is the next idea and if a husband does not appreciate, then the wife will eventually depreciate. “Devotion means that I go out of my way to express thanks for every little thing” (GT, pg. 144). The ninth idea is that she is a human being and she wants to have fun. Fun can certainly decline in a marriage over time and it is struggle to bring it back. A husband needs to be a person who the wife has the most fun with in her life. The last idea is that she has a need for God and she wants to be pastored. This should be like the shepherd whose task was to lead and protect the sheep. A wife also needs to “fathered” by her husband and desire for him to lead her to God. Overall, the seven reflections and the ten ideas are an important way for a husband to acquire the gold sword.

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