Mrs. Holly Brew
Career Success
17 October 2013
How to Win Friends and Influence People
How to Win Friends and Influence People is a very valuable book that every person needs to read. This book teaches how to deal with others and how to handle any situation to make things go the way you want them to. Part one teaches the fundamental techniques in handling people. Principle one is to not criticize, condemn, or complain. It hurts the person and causes nothing but resentment. Instead try to understand them and figure out why they do what they do. Principle two tells us to give honest and sincere appreciation. This means to truly appreciate someone and not just to flatter them. Everyone wants to be treated important. Principle three talks about arousing an eager want in the other person. Stating what may be of a benefit to them and not a benefit to you will help each party out and have them thinking your way. These three principles will help you handle people. In order to make people like you, there are six basic principles. Principle one says to become genuinely interested in other people. This simply means listen to them and talk about their interests to develop real friendships. Principle two says to smile. When you smile it makes you happy and cheerful, which makes other people happy. A smile is worth a thousand words and is really contagious. Principle three tells us that a person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound. When you remember someone’s name it makes them feel important and unique among all others. Principle four teaches us to be a good listener and to encourage others to talk about themselves. To do this you have to be attentive. Ask questions the other will enjoy answering because people are more interested in themselves that they are in you. Principle five tells you to talk in terms of the other person’s interest, which means to talk about the things they treasure most. Finally, the last principle in six ways to make people like you is to make the other person feel important and do it sincerely. Everyone wants the feeling of being important, not just insincere flattery, but recognition of your time worth. Part three in the book talks about how to make people think your way. Principle one says to make people think your way, avoid an argument in order to win it. No one wins in an argument because both think they are right. Principle two states never to say “you’re wrong” and to respect the other person’s opinions, find out why the other person feels this way. Another principle to make people think your way is to admit you’re wrong quickly and with empathy when you’re wrong you’re wrong. This will take away any ammunition away from them and they will have nothing to argue about and your mistake will be minimized. As stated in principle four another way to change a person’s thinking is to start your talk in a friendly way. If you want someone to agree with you, talk not yell will gain favor from the person and a more positive effect. Principle five suggests to get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. When a person says yes, they are forward moving, accepting, and open minded. If no is said this often means rejection, physical withdrawal, or readiness to withdraw. The “no” rarely changes. Principle six says to let the other person do most of the talking. Let them tell you all their ideas first and then ask them questions. They will not pay attention to you if they have a lot on their mind to say. Letting the other person feel that the idea belongs to them is principle seven. No one likes to be told they have to do something. If they do it on their own, people like to be consulted. Principle eight explains how you need to see the other person’s point of view. Ask yourself why do they think or act this way? By asking this you become interested in the cause and less likely to dislike the effect. Principle nine says be sympathetic with the other’s ideas and desires. People want sympathy. Give sympathy to them and they will soften and love you. Appealing to nobler motives is principle ten. It basically says to always assume the other person is honest and sincere in their motives and they will choose to do the right thing. In principle eleven, dramatizing your ideas, it states if you want someone to be interested in you, you have to use showmanship and make yourself vivid and dramatic to be noticed. Finally, principle twelve in how to win people to your way of thinking is to throw down a challenge. This simply means people love a challenge and they have a need to excel through competition with one another. Part four in our book tells us how to be a leader and how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. If you must find fault, begin by showing appreciation and praise, then it’s easier to listen to the bad points. You can also criticize and not be hated for it by calling attention to ones mistakes indirectly. Talking about your own mistakes first also helps to change people without them getting offensive. If the person criticizing admits faults first, it’s not as bad to listen to your own faults. No one likes to take orders. You should always give suggestions. This technique saves a person’s pride and gives a feeling of importance. It also encourages cooperation instead of rebellion. Letting the other person save face works wonders when being a leader. Consider the hurt we give when we criticize in front of other people. Ego is destroyed and the person feels let down. Giving a considerate word and understanding the other person’s attitude helps to save face. Another lesson to lead people to success is to praise them. Encouraging praise instead of criticism inspires the other person to keep improving. Another principle to change the way of others is to give the person a fine reputation to live up to. You have to act as though they already possess an outstanding trait, then they will not want to let you down by not living up to their reputation. Another way to be a leader and change the attitude of other’s is to use encouragement and make faults seem easy to correct. If you are told you can’t correct something, then why try? If you are given encouragement it gives you hope and it makes you want to try harder. Last, you need to make the other person happy about doing something you suggest. If you point out the benefits of doing the job it will probably get done in a happy way because it will benefit them. This summarizes how to handle people, how to make people like you, how to make people think your way, and how to be a leader and change people without offense or resentment.
There were topics in the book that were meaningful to me. One of them is to give honest and sincere appreciation. I really like this one because everyone likes to be appreciated. To be appreciated makes you feel important, but it has to be honest and sincere, not just flattery. The second meaningful topic is to just smile. I like this one because it doesn’t take much effort to smile at someone. Smiling at someone can make their day a little better it can also put you in a good mood.. The last topic I found meaningful was to remember a person’s name. I like this because it tells the person they are important enough for you to remember them. I try to use names whenever I can. How to Win Friends and Influence People was a very good book that has taught me some valuable lessons to better handle my personal relationships and professional relationships.