...1 Akpos: I want us to be in a relationship. Jumoke: Its okay but under one condition Akpos: Which one? Jumoke: No s*x coz am preserving it for my future hubby. Akpos: Thats okay, I also have my condition jumoke: Which one? Akpos: No using of my money coz am preserving it for my future wife... 2 Which of the following is Nigeria's greatest disappointment? (A) Super Eagles (B) PHCN(NEPA) (C) MTN (D) Nigeria Police Force (E) Our Leaders 3. Okon : I saw a strap of yOur bra Teacher : Okon qet out! No class fOr yOu fOr a week (Another Boy Lauqhs) Teacher : Why did yOu Laugh? Boy : I saw both straps of yOur bra. Teacher : Get out! No class fOr yOu fOr 1 mOnth. (Teacher bends down to pick chalk's Akpos started walking out) Teacher : Akpos, why are yOu gOing out? Akpos : With what I just saw now, I think my schOOl days are Over! 3 What shall it profit a man if he slaps Usain Bolt and runs away?? 4. Akpors got a message from his girl friend on his birthday ''Message Reads ''HBD Boo....LLNP, LYSM TTYL'' Akpors provoked and called her phone ''Kate what is the meaning of HBD LLNP and Those rubbish.... Kate replied Haaa Akpors don't tell me you are this dumb.....and local Oh My Gooosh,you don't...
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...The Joke The Joke is a short story of a man who’s having a lot of problems in his marriage. He’s feeling kind of like he is just a joke. Like there’s no one who really knows how hard it is to be him in that marriage. While his wife is making a telephone call, he’s thinking a lot about his role, about the presence, about how everything was good in the past but mostly the fact that he feels that it has always been him who had done a decent job in helping her - but never her helping him. He’s wife tells the person who she’s talking to that he will be picking him or her up regardless of him even being able to pick the person up. That’s how it seems to be in the whole story. Him thinking too much and his wife taking decisions on he’s behalf. A short essay about how men and woman communicate: Communication between men and women is very often too poor. The woman expects a lot of things of her man, and so do the man of the woman. But none of them cares enough to talk about things – woman often wrap things up and men normally say what they mean. Somehow that makes the whole difference. Sometimes men hurts woman by their direct way of saying things but often it’s the easiest way of saying whatever they mean. And more often men are irritated by woman’s wrapping up, because they never really say what they mean, they want the men to figure out some of it by themselves. This often results in problems between the two of them. Normally woman tends to make decisions on behalf...
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...ThinkCentre User Guide Machine Types: 0104, 0154, 7539, and 7548 ThinkCentre User Guide Machine Types: 0104, 0154, 7539, and 7548 Note: Before using this information and the product it supports, be sure to read and understand the ThinkCentre Safety and Warranty Guide and Appendix A “Notices” on page 69. First Edition (November 2010) © Copyright Lenovo 2010. LENOVO products, data, computer software, and services have been developed exclusively at private expense and are sold to governmental entities as commercial items as defined by 48 C.F.R. 2.101 with limited and restricted rights to use, reproduction and disclosure. LIMITED AND RESTRICTED RIGHTS NOTICE: If products, data, computer software, or services are delivered pursuant a General Services Administration “GSA” contract, use, reproduction, or disclosure is subject to restrictions set forth in Contract No. GS-35F-05925. Contents Important safety information . . . . . Features . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Specifications . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Software overview . . . . . . . . . . . . . Software provided with your Windows operating system . . . . . . . . . . . . Locations. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Locating connectors, controls, and indicators on the front of your computer . . . . . . . Locating connectors and parts on the rear of your computer . . . . . . . . . . . . . Locating components . . . . . . . . . . Locating parts on the system board . . . . Locating internal drives . . . ...
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...effective, so to say. But there are some techniques and tips for turning your humor into managerial success. Not every type of humor can be appropriate. The “What” section of this study deals with a general background about humor. Questions like why we should use humor, whether we should use it at all, etc. will be answered in the “Why” section of this paper. And finally, the “How” section will explore some basic rules on how to use humor in the workplace appropriately. There will be some suggestions even for managers who lack a sense of humor. So, enjoy and remember the most important aspect of humor in the workplace: Your employees should laugh with you, not at you! WHAT Humor is a quintessentially social phenomenon, since every joke requires both a teller and an audience. A sense of humor is a different and positive perspective on events and things. It can be utilized as an instrument to develop an atmosphere that is conductive to motivation. Laughter itself has physical, emotional, and moral benefits. Humorous people tend to be more adaptive, more capable of handling stress, more intelligent and more analytical. They are also more open, articulate, and optimistic. A survey conducted among Fortune 500 Company executives revealed that a sense of humor is the third most important factor needed to succeed in business. A sense of humor is nothing more than a different perspective, a more positive spin on things. This study will examine how humor can be a strong managerial...
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...JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES v JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES...
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...Bark. Here is a sample essay for you to not look at. Thanks. In order for this to be long enough, I need to have two hundred and fifty words. Let’s see how far I can get without using any extra spaces or numbers. How are you? I am good. What is the weather like over there? It’s about fifty degrees and we have not gotten snow in about two weeks. How far are you? About eighty words so far. Quite a few more for me to go. What do you think? Hm… I suppose that I can continue to listen to Eminem. Or is it Slim Shady? Only the shadow knows. Speaking of shadows, do you know if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, does it make a sound? Yes it does, of course. I can also tell jokes. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Yes, I know that was a bad joke. I also have more jokes if you would like to hear. Here is more of my essay. How far now? About one hundred and eighty nine words. Yep. Everything looks like it is eight mile now. Really? It is a lot safer in this area than downtown Detroit. Did you know that Detroit is not as dangerous as people seem to believe that it is? Actually Hamtramck is much worse. People have to lock their doors as they drive through the city since people will come up to one’s car and try and take parts off of it as it moves. Scary, huh? All...
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...them jokes in a very impolite way, they usually insult one's physical. This is the problem of the politeness degradation and this problem is getting worse. It is ironic, so many entertainers become popular or much more popular because they do rude and impolite jokes and the targets of the entertainers are young people that later will become the model of the next young people. Many young people who are still labile or unstable and usually still do not know how to behave but they love to watch television very much become love at joking in this way very much because it has become one of the trends of young people in their daily. Nowadays, there are some television shows that have entertainers or hosts who are often and tend to joke in rude and impolite way. The ways they joke often make someone or a group offended. One of the most controversial cases was when a celebrity couple broke up because of jokes in a television show. The celebrity couple broke up is A&B and A’s partner is Z. “Aku sering ribut karena ketersinggungan saya di acara itu” (I used to get mad because I am offended at the show) said B, when she was interviewed by a reporter. She told A that she could not take it anymore and wanted to leave him. Simply, politeness is having or showing good manner. Politeness is an important part of social interaction, Leech suggests politeness maintain harmony while socially interacting with one another (Gricean Maxims and Politeness, 2006). People of East Java love jokes...
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...Jack In “The Dark Psychology of Being a Good Comedian,” Olga Khazan discusses the relationship of darkness and light in humor. Throughout the article she reinforces the idea multiple times that a twist is needed in jokes. The arguments she offers to support her thesis that comedy requires just as much shadiness as it does enlightenment rely on her research, studies, and experiences. I will argue that Khazan’s argument succeeds because of the overflow of the compelling evidence she provided in support of her claim. Olga Khazan believes that majority of people find jokes with a little controversy in them to be funnier than those without it. In order for people to laugh at someone’s joke there needs to be some kind of wicked jerk. Peter McGraw believes the best jokes “take something awful and make it silly. Go purely light-hearted and you risk being toothless. Too edgy.. you’ll make people uncomfortable” (Khazan). With this McGraw is saying that it is okay to offend people to a certain degree with jokes. It should be part of the joke. But it should have an equal amount of “feel-good” to it. For example, when the attacks on September 11th happened the whole country stopped. People needed ways to cope. Comedy was nowhere to be found because no one wanted to offend anyone and they did not think anyone would appreciate any comedy. But The Onion thought differently and began to print articles joking about the terrorists. They were not sure how it would go but the issue was a smash...
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...A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving Q: Why did the blonde climb over the chain link fence? A: To see what was on the other side! god granded 3 gift to a man......... he asked..... 1=he should be in permanent job.. 2=his bag full of money....... 3=always girls should around him.... AND FINALLY HE BECOME A bus conductor BLONDE #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" BLONDE #2: "No, who wrote it?" An englishman and santa inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do NEW INVENTIONS BY BLONDES: The water-proof towel Glow in the dark sunglasses Solar powered flashlight Submarine screen door A book on how to read Inflatable dart board A dictionary index Powdered water Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Donut seeds Judge: why r u arrested? Sardar: for shopping early? Judge: well, thats not a crime, anyway how early were u shopping? Sardar: before opening the shop..: A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl. Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday. Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ?? Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away! Girls are grown ups when they start wearing bra's... Boys are said to be grown ups when they start ...
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...FOR THE COMPANY OF ENVISION, LLC COMPENSATION REDUCTION AGREEMENT Hourly (Plus Benefits) Employee NAME OF PARTICIPANT: Insurance will become effective July 1, 2013, provided all necessary paperwork has been promptly returned to Envision, LLC. I elect to reduce my compensation by the following amount (s): (Check One) |UnitedHealthcare |Guardian | | | | |Employee Coverage |Employee Coverage | |$10.00 per pay period ($20.00 per month) for my coverage under the |$16.78 per pay period ($33.56 per month) for my coverage under the | |Group Health Insurance Plan. |Group Health Insurance Plan. | | | | |Employee and Spouse Coverage |Employee and Spouse Coverage | |$179.22 per pay period ($358.44 per month) for coverage of myself and |$34.27 per pay period ($68.54 per month) for coverage of myself and | |my spouse...
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...however, this is not necessarily the right view. In this essay, I am going to view both arguments and then conclude with my opinion and the argument that I agree with. In the media, there are a lot of programmes such as Family Guy, Citizen Khan, The Simpsons and Father Ted where there are jokes about religion. I feel that most of these jokes are funny however, I think that some of the jokes aren't funny and that they could offend some people of that religion. I think that this quote, 'Offending the minority to entertain the majority' explains what the media thinks. But is it right to do this? What if the 'minority' was the whole religion? How would we know? I don't agree with this quote. This is because we don't know how big the 'minority' is. It could only be a few people but it also could be the whole religion it was directed at. People take things in different ways. How would the media know how many people it was going to offend? There can be lots of damage done by stereotyping/ joking about a religion as it is a subject that many people feel strongly about. It is something people follow for their whole lives and something that they look up to. It is very offensive when someone makes a joke about it. This quote: 'There are no limits to comedy...there is nothing you cannot be funny about...' is similar as I feel the same way. I think that comedy is something that doesn't offend one person and something that entertains everybody. It isn't fair that some people should be offended...
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...television right now, and they all claim and work to be the funniest, but only a few truly succeed at it. One show in particular is Arrested Development. A key component to this show, one that has led to it’s vast cult following and overall success, is it’s extensive use of running gags. Running gags are literary devices that are in the form of comical references or jokes that repeatedly appear throughout a work of literature or in this case a television show. They are used in...
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...comedian than Steve Harvey because Tyler Perry does not use profanity and his style of comedy is acceptable to all ages. During a performance on television Steve Harvey was preparing to come onto the stage. The room was dark, full of cigarette smoke, people drinking, looking around at each other. Suddenly a light shined on the stage. Displayed was a big flashy sign with his signature in bright colors. The master of ceremonies ran out on the stage and yells “Ladies and gentlemen, put ya hands together and show ya love for Steveeeeee Harvaaaaaaay”. Harvey walked out on the stage and immediately began to start talking about some” crazy fool” who cut him off on the freeway, calling him names, and talking about his mother. He started telling jokes about people in reference to their gender, race and making sexual references. This is his typical comedy style. Steve Harvey is now active in the radio scene and he works with Judge Mathis. He has a morning show and sometimes has to limit his vocabulary because of his audience. While working with Judge Mathis he can be found using his comedy to...
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...awkward moment when activision realises their cow has run out of milk. Oh yes, all the time. I now regularly go out with a paper bag over my head, and I scream "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!" at strangers all the time. Such a terrible life, it is. Im a 21 year old girl, I joke around too much..so people think that Im immature because of this.. I have so much more to me but no one can see that because im always joking or too excited in social situations. Im so scared everyone is taking me for a joke, I dont want to be perceived that way, Ive been called names like 'monkey,dopey,blonde ect..someone today said to me that they would trust someone else with tickets because im not as grown up as them or as self-conserved..people my age seem so in control of their actions and words whereas I usually speak and act on impulse. I joke so much probably because i'm insecure and scared of being boring...I really want to change..I know the internet is not the place to get advice but I want to know have any of you been through this and changed, do you have any tips for me? and how can I gain my self respect and dignity? Ive been at uni for a few years now and every month that goes by I get more and more bored by the same old studenty lifestyle and conversations that go on around me. I find working people so much more interesting and down to earth on the whole, talking to students feels like a constant image war where you're being sized up and judged and the subject of conversation is usual so boring;...
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...Spoken language study: Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow Michael McIntyre is a modern day stand-up comedian, with a wide fan base spreading through various age groups. He’s released three comedy DVDs - Live and Laughing, Hello Wembley and Showtime - as well as judging Britain’s Got Talent, appearing in various episodes of Live at The Apollo and hosting his own TV show on BBC One: Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow. In his comedy roadshow Michael is recognised for his use of comedic and relatable anecdotes. One such is his recalling of a visit to the Gym changing rooms, which is the piece that I will be studying. Within the first sentence of the piece, which is the declarative statement “have never towel dried my arse in my entire life”, McIntyre uses taboo language. By using the term “arse” the social distance between himself and the audience is removed. The story seems to become instantly more relatable to those listening as he appears to be on the same social standing as them, since taboo language is widely used in everyday life. Furthermore, the use of “arse” adds to the comedic value of the utterance, as is often the case with the use of taboo language within comedy. But dropping the pronoun “I” at the beginning of the sentence McIntyre also successfully creates a relaxed atmosphere that the audience feel comfortable in, as the utterance seems more colloquial and as a consequence more relatable. This friendly audience relationship is further created through McIntyre’s...
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