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Learning Period

In: People

Submitted By melfinn24
Words 839
Pages 4
When I first met my husband Kyle, I was at a really low place in my life. I was a single mother to a 4 year old and had just gotten out of a horrible relationship that was filled with emotional abuse and constant fighting. I had absolutely no self esteem and thought nothing but bad of myself. Kyle changed the way that I thought and viewed myself and made me take a hard look at my life and made me realize that things were not that bad.
Kyle and I met while doing something that we both love to do, play softball. Kyle is six years my junior, and that was a big deal to me because of my social status. It was hard for me to date someone that was younger than me, and somebody who would not relate to my friends that I hang out with. This strained our relationship, and I ended up breaking up with him because of it. Kyle and I remained the closest friends, actually best friends. We definitely had an “emotional closeness” and “closeness through doing” type of relationship. I talked to him about everything that I would talk to one of my girlfriends about and he talked to me like I was one of the guys.
A few years down the road, we both realized that we had nothing but love for each other and decided to bring our relationship to the next level. At this point, everyone thought that we were together anyways because of the typical stereotypes that surround male/female friendships. This time, it was easier to let go of the age difference and put all of my emotions into this relationship.
I have never been the type of person to be in a relationship with the “good guy” so everything that I did, and everything that he did was very new to me. He is a very emotional person and is very caring and loving to both me and my daughter. He will do anything that needs to be done to support us and to help us with anything we need. He is a very selfless person, and that can be very bothersome sometimes. I am a very independent person and like to do the things my way, and he always wants to be there and help me do them, but he wants to do them his way. This causes some issues between the two of us. When something arises that we disagree on he is always the first to want to voice his opinion and anger, and I just simply like to walk away because I do not like conflict. Besides the “exit response” I also give the “neglect response” to most arguments.
I think that the hardest thing in our relationship is communication. There are times that I have so much to say and want to say it, but I am afraid to hurt his feelings or start an argument. He is the complete opposite. He does not intentionally hurt my feelings, but he will say whatever is on his mind, whether it be about my appearance, or something he thinks I did wrong. This creates a lose-lose situation because we leave things unfinished so neither of us is happy about the outcome. When we were in the chapter of the book that talks about non-verbal communication, I had to laugh out loud at the things I was reading. Our body language and the other non-verbal things that we do cause most of the issues that we argue about as a married couple.
I always joke to our friends that I wear the pants in the family. I have the better career, and I am the main bread winner. I pay the bills, take care of the household chores, and raise our children. When Kyle wants to buy something, he asks me first. I have to say that I am the more dominant person in this relationship. Kyle is more of the emotional type but also has an amazing out look on life. No matter how far behind we are on bills, or if we are struggling, he always looks at the positive in life.
While taking this course, there are a lot of things that I learned about my relationship, not only with my husband, but with my friends too. There are things that I know that need to be changed in order to make this marriage successful and there are things that I know that I personally need to work on to better my life. I need to relax, and enjoy life more, and trust that things will go our way sooner or later. I learned that there are different ways to communicate in my relationship that does not involve arguing to get a point across. I am grateful for the relationships that I have in my life and I am grateful that there is trust, commitment, and honesty within my daily interactions with my friends and family.

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