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Living with strangers

All cultures and societies have unspoken rules, which an outsider like our narrator in “Living with strangers” from the New York Times in 2002, simply will not understand.
Whether if it is in the country like Minnesota where greeting everyone is considered obligated or New York City where addressing a stranger would make you seem mental. This observation is what has inspired author Siri Hustvedt to write the essay “Living With Strangers”. The title refers to what apparently is going on in every major city, although the essay never specifically mentions it: We are becoming increasingly isolated while being surrounded by more and more people. Why can this be?
Siri Hustvedt describes this through an anecdote from her first apartment in New York. Even though she was living alone at the time, she think of her neighbours as roommates because she was the witness to several acts that should remain private such as an argument from the downstairs apartment or another woman walking around wearing only underwear, for her to see. However, she did not know these people. They lived so close and shared so many private moments and yet, Hustvedt can still not see them as anything else other than “fellow New Yorkers”. That’s why she is living with strangers.

In the text Hustvedt is really fascinated by is the “pretend-it-didn’t-happen-law”. The “law” is made so people won’t feel embarrassed. It links to the previously mentioned about never greeting a person you don’t know. It is a peculiar phenomenon because one would think that people move to the cities to be around other people and to get in contact with others when, in fact, most of the time is spent indoors or inside a cap or crowded subway, looking down at the ground. How humans interaction in our modern world is an interesting subject to look upon and discuss. It will be difficult, if not impossible, to find a definite answer to how you actually should act. What is the best way to act? Should everyone do as in Minnesota or New York? Siri Hustvedt does not have an answer to this but this, and she wonders if anybody does. That is why she chose to write an essay about this subject. It is simply a subjective collection of her thoughts on this subject or issue, that she has divided into three main parts, the first being her personal back-story. Not only does this provide the reader with a quick idea of who the author is and how she feels about moving to such a big, different place, but also more importantly, an introduction like this is important and eye catching, which is vital in all genres. Feeling alone in a crowded place is ironic but nonetheless a feeling that everyone has experienced, and therefore the reader is able to relate to Siri Hustvedt. This personal connection establishes a certain sense of standards and ethos that helps the author convince the audience throughout the essay.
Siri Hustvedt uses the second part of her essay to support her theory about the laws that she introduced in the first part of the essay. She does that by telling a number of personal stories, all proving the same point: Every city has their psycho who refuses to live up to the norms and expectations of this culture. However, these psychos will never get a reaction because the audience are all whispering to themselves “pretend it isn’t happening, pretend it isn’t happening…”.
Once again, this seems familiar to the reader. The reader can compare Siri Hustvedts stories to our own life experiences. It is very rare that people want to get involved in something that is happening right next to them unless it is a fight. This is what Siri Hustvedt discusses in the third and final part of her essay. Up to this point she has seemed very critical of the law of never getting involved but now she acknowledges the advantages of the “Pretend it isn’t happening” law. The fact of the matter is that getting involved can have a dangerous outcome which is proven by Siri Hustvedt’s husband’s story about a man who was threatened on his life simply because he asked another man to put out his cigarette. It’s a question of courage to get involved, but such a threat is most likely nothing more than just a threat. “Taking action may be viewed as courageous or merely stupid, depending on the circumstances and your point of view.”. Siri hustvedt takes the matter up because it might just be a threat but, it is still a verbal attack on someone who broke the urban law and in some circumstances an action like that can have horrible consequences: As a counterpart to this quote. Siri Hustvedt goes on to tell another story, except this one stands out because it has a happy ending. Her daughter, Sophie, was riding the subway when a stranger suddenly announced his undying love for her. She did what was expected and ignored him the best she could even though it was hard because he made her fell really uncomfortable, until another person interrupted and actually helped her by a simple and funny comment: “By breaking the code, the man acknowledged himself as a witness to what, despite the pretence, had been a very public outburst.”. This story provides the reader with an alternative to the pretend-it-isn’t-happening-law. Its might get someone to rethink if whispering, “pretend it isn’t happening” is the best idea. This man chose to help a fellow New Yorker instead of being part of a silent, and passive audience. By stepping out of this predetermined role he did not only put a smile on Sophie’s face but he also proved Siri Hustvedt final point of her essay which are these loopholes of the unspoken law, it might make some feel unsettled but it also opens up a window into another understanding of the world. A small part of the grey mass of people suddenly becomes real. The people of Minnesota do not become more real, just because you greet them on the street in the same sense that people of New York will remain strangers if you do not acknowledge their presence in the world. The unspoken laws of a society might help some people get by in a certain environment, which is a good thing for newcomers to big cities like New York. Sometimes you generalize people as “fellow Minnesotans” or “fellow New Yorkers” instead of seeing them as they really are: People.

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[ 1 ]. Page 2, line. 53-55
[ 2 ]. Page. 3, line. 91-92