The Long Road Out Of Eden

A scrutiny of marital relationships and the subsequent consequence on the individuality of women as seen in Astitiva

Submitted by: Pavithra Sagar
05D1829
III PSEng

Submitted to: Ms. Abhaya
Dept. Of Media Studies
Christ College

“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar – a custom which is still continued” Helen Rowland

Although marriage might have been instituted in the Garden of Eden when man was in innocence (Gen 2:18-24), marriages are seldom believed to have been made in heaven, unless couples habitually wear rose-tinted glasses. Essentially and realistically, marriage is but a contract or a traditional bargain which is drawn up between men and women. As defined by the World Book Encyclopedia. ‘It is the relationship between a man and a woman who have made legal agreement to live together. When a man and a woman marry, they become husband and wife’. Almost every society has certain traditional ideas about marriage and many roles and duties of the husband and wife are based on religious codes. Most marriage laws that are based on religious edicts favor men.

Genesis, the story of creation reveals how God created Man and Woman and placed them in the Garden of Eden. There, they dwelt as equals as both were created in the image of God and thus had undifferentiated roles, duties, shared the same status and their relationship was a ‘partnership of equals’. It was only after the deception of the serpent and their subsequent banishment from the Garden did a disparity in their relationship arise.
“And the Lord God said unto the woman, ‘…and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.’ (Genesis 4:16-18)
“The man named his wife ‘Eve’ because she was the mother of all those who lived.” (Genesis 8:20)
Here we have the original charter, which serves as the basis on which all regulations are to be framed. Adam and Eve’s relationship then was the forbearer of what constitutes the norms of a marriage and this much ‘gendered’ originality is the basis for many male-female relationships today.

Similarly, the veins of patriarchy feed Hinduism. Women are defined as lesser creatures and tradition demands that they play diminished roles. A woman’s existence is inextricably linked to providing heirs and overseeing to the comforts of males. Duties of wives are clearly stated in the Manu Smriti. Manu’s nepotism is clearly seen in the following verses. Chapter 9 Verse 2 states ‘Day and night women must be kept in dependence by the males of their families, and, if they attach themselves to sensual enjoyments, they must be kept under one’s control’. Chapter 9 Verse 3 states ‘her father protects her in childhood, her husband protects her in youth and her sons protect her in old age; a woman is never fit for independence’, and Chapter 5 Verse 154 claims that ‘Though destitute of virtue, or seeking pleasure elsewhere, or devoid of good qualities, yet a husband must be constantly worshipped as a god by a faithful wife’. As seen, women are clearly indicated as beings not capable of acting for themselves and need to be directed as how to live and even how to feel. Their main purpose is to breed and then raise heirs. Women are slaves, working to keep their owners happy. James Mill, who through a study of Halhed’s Code of Gentoo Laws, a translation of the Code of Manu, some religious words, and accounts written by travelers and missionaries, concluded: “nothing can exceed the habitual disrespect which the Hindus entertain for their women… They are held, accordingly, in extreme deprivation.” Marriage is nothing more than an ‘intimate colonisation’ including not only physical infidelity, but of the emotional abuse and expressional constraint that is, in most cases, unknowingly and callously perpetuated in most homes.

A movie that accurately depicts the crippling effects of a marital relationship on the identity of a woman is Mahesh Manjrekar’s movie, Astitva. The transition of the life of Mrs. Aditi Srikant Pandit (Tabu), an ordinary, upper-middle class Indian housewife to an emancipated woman is portrayed clearly without any gloss. Initially Aditi and Srikant (Sachin Khedekar) seem to be a happy married couple who have a son, Aniket, who is to be married shortly. Aditi is fully committed to her home and her family; she is aware of her husband’s needs and constantly works at keeping him in comfort. She disregards his inconsideration of leaving her alone at home for months during their initial months of marriage which leaves her very lonely as well as refusing to let her take up a job which would have given her some purpose, because she believes that her duty is to support her husband no matter the circumstances. The couple lead the mundane life, happy with the ordinary and living like the other million couples in the world.

It is then that a letter arrives for Aditi, which Srikant opens and learns that she has been left a fortune by Malhar (Mohinish Behl), Aditi’s deceased singing teacher. Srikant wonders why she would be left such a legacy and decides to research the matter by delving through entries in his diary. He discovers that their son Aniket was conceived at a time when he was away on business. He confronts Aditi with his analysis and she confirms that Aniket is actually Malhar’s son. Shocked by this admission both Srikant and Aniket decide to spurn Aditi, insulting her and her failure as a woman. This destroys the marital bond as well as the family. Sri also calls his best friend, Dr. Ravi Bapat and his wife Meghna over to witness Aditi’s shame which in turn becomes his own when Aditi accuses him of all his crimes including adultery.

When she does, Aditi transforms from a submissive wife who absorbs everything that is being hurled at her by her husband, her son and by society into an empowered and self-respecting yet humble woman who sets out on a journey to establish her own Astitva. By questioning why it was permissible for her to forgive him of all his sins but not him to forgive her, Aditi questions those patriarchal values that dominate marriage, especially in India. She critiques the unequal balance of power in a marriage and clearly shows the subjugation of women by men. This movie is about the identity of women and is a critique of the patriarchal ideology of marriage, which is obsessed with predetermined gender roles, relegating women as objects to be treated according to the whims of men.
This unequal power balances in marriage and different ways by which men repress women are explored in the movie.

Manu’s legacy is clearly still at work, as can be seen in the movie. His edict that females must be kept in dependence by males is shown by the way Srikanth refuses to let Aditi have a job and also by his disapproving attitude towards the idea of a working daughter-in-law, which shows his obsession with ‘the male-as-provider’ syndrome. Srikanth also cultivates in Aditi a meek spirit, treating her like a child by bribing and placating her with gifts or simply by talking for the both of them, instead of listening to what she says and responding to her ideas.

Manu’s Chapter 5 Verse 154 claims that ‘though destitute of virtue or seeking please (elsewhere), or devoid of good qualities, (yet) a husband must be constantly worshipped as a god by a faithful wife. In the movie, Srikanth is shocked by the fact that Aditi has had an affair. She has not been a faithful wife to him. However he is primarily upset because it has wounded his image and his ego; he cannot grasp the idea that his wife has kept something from him, and this, in his mind, is impossibility. That she would sleep with another man is unthinkable. When Srikanth’s friend Dr. Ravi Bapat reveals that Srikanth has had affairs as well, Srikanth replies that it is perfectly permissible for a man to have affairs because he “is a man” and to sow his wild oats is a normal symbol of male virility and a right as a male.

Carole Pateman considered marriage from this perspective- that of a social contract in which “men’s domination over women, and the right of men to enjoy equal sexual access to women was at issue; such that ‘in a patriarchal society, marriage and female fidelity are requirements for heterosexual relationship”. Contrary to the belief of the feminist about marital infidelity, where the male indulges in extramarital affairs and the female suffers, in Astitiva, the female is shown to have a sexual encounter with someone outsider her marriage, which is purely circumstantial and is natural in such compelling circumstances as depicted in the movie. And the male suffers discovering the affair after 27 years of marriage. As mentioned, more than the matter of infidelity, it is more a shock that his wife has dared to betray him, as a woman has dared to do what is seen as a male right.

Manu would have probably preferred it if Aditi had thrown herself at her husband’s feet, crying and asking for forgiveness. As seen in Verse 154, he believes the patriarchal society should be worshipped unstintingly by their wives. Unlike most Indian movies where this would have depicted, in Astitva Aditi asks her husband to account for his actions as well. By doing so, she exposes the dual standards adopted by an Indian male; rules that are different for men and women. Aditi questions this when she says to Sri, “But so did you, so many times, although you’ve conveniently forgotten it. You’ve forgotten the sins you’ve committed. Did you feel it’s your right just because you’re a man?”

According to Wendy McElroy, to the sexually correct feminist, marriage oppresses women and the family breeds patriarchy. However, this mere statement cannot convey the depth of repression and subjugation. As seen in Astitiva, Aditi is Mrs. Aditi Srikant Pandit. It is only at the end of the movie that she realizes that the ‘Aditi’ part of her name got lost along the way. She implies here that her whole existence was simply as Srikant’s wife and not as an individual person. Her duties and her thoughts were always attuned to her husband, the activities that she involved herself in were chosen by her husband, and her whole persona was defined by being a mother and a wife. Thus at the end of the movie, Aditi has to ask herself, who is she?

The question of Aditi’s identity, or a woman’s identity, is one that has been asked for several centuries by various feminists. The first question Simone de Beauvoir asks is “what is a woman?” Woman, she realizes is always perceived of as ‘Other’, “she is defined and differentiated with reference to man and not he with reference to her”. In this book and her essay, ‘Women: Myth and Reality’, Simone de Beavoir seeks to demythologize the male concept of woman, “A myth invented by men to confine women to their oppressed state. For women it is not a question of asserting themselves as women, but of becoming full-scale human beings.” As Toril Moi puts it, “a woman defines herself through the way she lives her embodied situation in the world, or in other words, through the way in which she makes something of what the world makes of her”.

For the second Wave Feminist movement, the question of a woman’s identity is at the heart of the feminist movement. Feminist philosophy proclaims the unfairness of a woman’s identity being wrapped up in just her family or home. Women began to feel that they were oppressed having to care for the home and children, missing out on Life by working for their homes and families. Somehow, who ‘I’ am becomes lost when they become a wife and mother. This encouraged women to understand the psychological implications of sexist stereotypes and to make them realize that they could achieve more in life that being a housewife and a mother. And it is this realization that we see in Aditi.

The Feminist Mystique is a book written by Betty Friedan which attacked the popular notion that women during this time could only find fulfillment through childbearing and homemaking. The book emerged after Friedan sent a questionnaire to other women in her graduating class. Most women in her class indicated a general unease with their lives. Through her findings, Friedan hypothesized that women are victims of a false belief system that requires them to find identity and meaning in their lives through their husbands and children. Such a system causes women to completely lose their identity of their family. Although she called the family a “comfortable concentration camp”, Friedan’s goal was not to eliminate marriage. She merely wanted women to insist on more from Life and for them to reach outside of marriage for fulfillment.This false belief system that Friendman mentions is that which is perpetuated by those patriarchal religious systems made traditional that were mentioned before- the Laws of Manu and various incidents in Hindu mythology that glorify women who have been excellent wives and embody all those virtues that men wish for in women- primarily traits of subservience to their men.

The movie begins with Srikanth calling out for his tie and with Aditi supervising breakfast for an indulged son. Throughout the movie, she continues to perform those housewife duties that are expected of all women where their lives are depended on those males around them. Even her name is that of her husband’s. Nowhere do we sense her own individualism and ascertain anything about her, which is not related to her roles as Srikanth’s wife. She is understood, as Beauvoir pointed out, only in context to her husband. Marriage comes to represent death, a death of her true and independent self. As Beauvoir says, “she becomes nothing but her husband’s ‘other’ half”.

Man’s objectification of women as sexual objects, which is another way by which men control women, and Srikant’s domination of Aditi through sex is clearly expressed by Aditi when she tells him, “What would a man do in situations like these? They never want women to fulfill their own desires. A man fulfills his desire whether or not the woman wants to. It is in this way that you have raped me many times. What you don’t understand is that before two bodies meet, two hearts should.”

As has been seen through feminist viewpoints and the movie, marriage is the outlet of the male need to possess women completely, to enslave both their minds and bodies, which then leads to the impasse of realizing identity. Because of the relationship of Man and Wife in a marriage consisting of women as role-players instead of individuals, women do not have a sense of uniqueness. As seen from above, men try to own and dominate the women at different levels, always reminding them that they are the property of the males. Even Malhar exhibits this by giving her money in his will and ‘owning’ her in that sense. Aditi recognizes this too when she says, “Even Malhar gave me everything because of his ego”. Because of these glass barriers, Aditi is basically an empty shell and when she responds to the emotional terms of a relationship, offered to her by Mahar, does she feel something for the first time. However one has to admit that her sexual act of love with Malhar was committed with Sri in her mind.

Conclusion

Marriage, as Helen Rowland’s quote says, entails a sacrifice and in modern day lingo would resemble offers with ‘conditions apply’ signs. In the olden times human sacrifices were quite a norm and today it continues, only in changed form, from the physical sense to the destruction of the individual. Due to marriage norms, beliefs, and roles being constructed to the template of patriarchy, the sacrifice is always on the part of the women. The Laws of Manu deem that a husband should take total control of his wife in all matters and also, inspite of any vices that the male might have, the female is still to consider him a god. This curtails any expression of individuality that the woman may have. This is shown in Astitva where, because of her marriage, Aditi does not have an identity of her own, merely existing as a role-player. The relationship between Sri and Aditi as a married couple has eroded Aditi’s sense of being as she is only cognizant of being Sri’s wife. Masculine possessiveness has been revealed as the pivotal problem with husband, wife and marriage. His wife is an object to him, something to be owned, both physically and mentally, something that he can do as he pleases with and from whom he expects total submission. When he discovers that his wife had an affair, his perception of her turns from an angel to a monster. In both cases, the woman is not seen as human, someone like himself.

Her final confrontation with her son and husband reveal Aditi in a new light, as a woman ready to find out who she is. She first destroys Sri’s ‘holier-than-thou’ attitude exposing the real reason he’s hurt, reminding him that, “Your ego was hurt when you learnt Aniket wasn’t your son. You think that only if you have children you are a man, but aren’t those who have children also men? When you thought that Aniket was your son, you were so proud and you said, “he’s just like me” and after this one moment you don’t consider him your son any longer. You don’t have any proof that he is Malhar’s son. It’s only because I told you”.

Aditi questions the very notions of patriarchy itself, those that give men the right to have many affairs while condemning women for one act of infidelity and as in Aditi’s case, has ruined her married life. “That which we love too violently ends by killing us”. Here, Astitva explores this notion, but at the same time brings it to a new perspective. She seems to suggest that it is not the “that” which is loved which is the killer, but the act of loving itself, at least in terms of the way in which man is destined to love under patriarchal lore: violently –obsessively and possessively.

Aditi denounces the rights that patriarchy gives to males as she asks, “Is the heart of a man different from that of a woman? Are needs different from ours? The desire that enflames your body, does it affect me any less?” The challenge is made against the male-centered world by exposing its defects. Astitva successfully undermines patriarchy by endowing the Other, the woman, with an individual identity and a sense of self, and exposes a world that kills individuality by taking the traditionally marginalized woman and giving her experience centrality. Astitva comes from the word asti which means to exist, to be, or to become. Aditi’s astitva serves as a mirror for women who are trying to feel something more, to be something more, in their lives.

Personally, I think that the movie accurately depicted the problem of identity-loss of married women, especially in India. Choice is the key to individual feminism, a tradition that views every woman as a self-owner. Every woman has the inalienable right to use her own body and property in whatever manner she chooses. Regarding the issue of marriage, individualist feminism has two key principles: women must retain full control of their own bodies and full control over the decision and opinions in their lifestyles. On the issue of marriage, I’d like to quote Frida Kahlo who said a marriage is “a way for small-minded men to keep women in the house and out of the way, wrapped up in the guise of tradition and conservative, religious nonsense. At best it’s a happy delusion. It’s why two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they’re about to make each other. But when two people know all of that and decide, with eyes wide open, to face each other and get married anyway, well then, I don’t’ think it’s conservative or delusional. I think it’s radical. And courageous. And very romantic”.

The movie also serves to remind women that it is never to late for themselves to find their individuality. A marriage can be a partnership of equals for which it is necessary for both parties to respect each other and communicate. This in the movie is shown through Meghna and Dr. Ravi. When Sri asks Dr. Ravi if in his place, would have taken back his wife, he says that he would because it is clear to everyone that Aditi really loves Sri. Dr. Ravi says that he and Meghna have accepted each other for whatever baggage they carry. It is because they are able to appreciate each other’s personalities that their marriage is so different from Aditi and Sri’s. Marriage is not a master-slave scenario but a relationship in which two individuals come together to share their lives and appreciate their similarities as well as their differences and not on predetermined role expectations. The only thing that sets us above the animals is our identities and to lose that which defines us as human is a sin. This is why Aditi’s thanks Meghna for her words when she says, “It is not too late to do something for herself at her age”.

Feminism is vast and heterogeneous but all that is encompassed within is based on the belief that women should have equality with men. There are many theories about the nature of patriarchy and the inferior status of women that range from Gender feministis who consider marriage to be an involuntary state, in which women have the status of chattel to Mary O’ Brian who claims that everything stems form mens’ jealousy of women’s ability to reproduce. While I’m sure that these theories have valid points, for me, I think that in the beginning, men and women who were nomadic were equals and it was only after that that they settled down in communities and there was gender-based division of labour, that the women were labeled as weak. In the 19th century, industrialization was said to bring a separation between home and productive work. It causes a transfer of men’s labor from the home to the factory, while women remained at the hearth. Men came to dominate the public realm and women the private. Women accepted such an unfavorable arrangement- including monogamy because it offered security from the growing complexity of life. Using this, various religious texts and laws came into place that indicates the importance of male work and men in general. This can be seen by the replacement of various Goddess religions with patriarchal ones.

Feminism to me then, in view of this paper, is that discovery of a female identity- that which is not simply the opposite of what are considered male traits or characteristics. It is also a redefinition of the self, not based on what the patriarchal society has been telling one to do but by emancipating oneself from the influences of accepted models and instead guide oneself by one’s own impulses and desires. As Elaine Showalter says, “ how much easier, how less lonely it is, not to awaken, to continue to be critics and teachers… claiming all the while to be universal. Yet we cannot will ourselves to go back to sleep.”

The Garden of Eden was where the first equal relationship between Man and Woman occurred. However, Paradise was shut to them after they deceived God and as punishment they left Paradise and their hardships began. Immediately after their departure, did the inequality between male and female occur and from then on it has grown and been endorsed in all societies, wearing many faces. Patriarchy came into existence pending the exit from Eden and consequently the fate of women to be wo – men has become established. Times are changing and feminism is altering the lives of women worldwide. The quest for equality is a hard one and the time where women and men are once more equals may take a little time in coming, but then, it is never easy. The Road winds on; it has been a tough journey out of Eden and it’ll be a harsher road back.

Bibliography

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6. The Bible, King James Version 1999

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