21st of August 2013… 12:38 am.. Raining outside, sad love song playing and random thoughts…

Classes has been suspended 2 days now and tomorrow is holiday, I’ve been staying home for 4 days now, internet surfing, watching movies, reading a book, coffee mugs, talking to friends and more. But this night, I mean morning I can’t sleep maybe because I’ve been sleeping the whole day and I got so many thoughts playing on my mind so I choose to rise get the laptop and type.

1. Second to my final destination ( …

Well this is not a horror film; this destination I’m talking about is the force or factor that makes me go and face every life’s circumstances I am facing. My ultimate dream is to become a flight attendant, cabin crew, flight crew or whatever they call this. Yes, I’ve been dreaming to become one someday and I am trying to give my very best for this not to become an unclear vision. I want this to manifest, I want this to happen in my life in every good ways or means I can. As I’ve said on my recent posts, I love to go somewhere, I love to experience different culture, and I want to meet new and different people. There are some times in my life when I face mirror, stand classically and gracefully and try to imitate flight attendants posture and speaking. I used to act like there are passengers and I am orienting them with safety procedures inside the plane. To train to become a flight attendant costs so much, that’s why my parents wasn’t able to send me to those schools practicing this course. But I’ve got this what they called life’s principle. I believe with all my heart that nothing is definitely impossible that my future has been planned and decided. I just love the thought that God is faithful, with His words, His promises and plans. I trust Him with this. This is my heart’s very secret petition to heaven and to Jesus. His providence and miraculous performance has been proven to my life.

Today is September 03, 2013. It’s a one fine cold Tuesday morning and I am here in my bed with a still-smoking mug of coffee on my left. My birthday had passed and I wasn’t able to write anything about it. I didn’t go to any special place, I stayed home, I didn’t receive any special gift, and I just ate my normal meal. But those things don’t really matter to me. Ako kasi yung tipo ng tao na hindi naman talaga mapaghanap and I taught myself not to expect too much, but I do give a lot. Masaya na ako na kasama yung mahalaga at mga importanteng tao sa buhay ko excluded of my family because we’re not really physically together. On my birthday my mom called me and though I don’t want to listen she still told me the problems of my siblings are all facing. Medyo masakit the fact na birthday ko naman yun but mom is crying on the line, wala naman ako magawa all I put in my mind is that maybe she thought that I am the only one she knew would listen and understand. I have nothing to do with it, mula ng magkahiwalay si inay at itay sanay na ako, na meron kameng problema, but I always choose to be happy, to move on with my life no matter how hard and painful it is. One thing also happened and made my day was my friends’ greetings. That was awesome. Not all, but most of my classmates send me a message telling me “happy birthday ate jazz, I love you! Alam mo yan!”. This simple message makes me feel like I do really have those people whom I can count into. They are like my family too. You go and made some mistakes they’re still your friends, you cry over small or big things they are there for you and at the end of the day you all go crazy laughing over small things. Friends… they are unique I might say, one of a kind. You’ll find them unconsciously over numerous people you meet. Your belongingness and togetherness are somehow spontaneous. I believe one friend is enough over thousands, but you cannot limit yourself making friends to anyone. In this life, we won’t stay in one place for a lifetime, eventually we will go and with this we can’t control meeting people, new people and this is where friendship arises. It depends on you, but I’ve got this belief that, you have to remain their friend whatever unpleasant things they do, because at any point of time you’ll be doing the same and you’ll be needed to accept by others.

HIDDEN.

I have watched a movie last night and it’s called “The lovely bones”. A 14-year old girl who had murdered at her young age. In this story, she dreamt of becoming a wildlife photographer and actually her parents bought her a camera on her birthday before she dies. One day her parent’s attention was caught by lovely red flowers planted on neighbor’s front door and a man came out and gave them some. This girl riding her bicycle playfully capturing photos of her parents while having those flowers until she accidentally took a photo of the man who owned the flowers and unknowingly that man was the man who will took her life, or she used the word, “my murderer”. Before this unfortunate event happen, there was a young guy in her school, who is her senior, who usually took her attention and causes her heart to beat out of control. His name is Ray. Before the moment this girl got murdered, Ray approaches her on the locker and had some talk with her. Until Ray ask her to meet him on the mall’s gazebo on Saturday, this made her shocked or I might say excited that caused her books to fell on the floor where Ray immediately attended, what’s more surprising is the letter he slip on her book before he gave it to her then ask to go first. On that moment this girl was the happiest, asked to have a date with the man you ever wished for, but that same day this girl wasn’t able to come home. She was murdered. In this film, it showed here where this girl went; she’s in a place where plants and trees are all beautiful, more beautiful than what she saw on earth, wide oceans, and a golden field. But there is a certain place where she’s able to saw her loved ones. It’s a small round place with a roof. This is where she saw how hard was that for her family to accept that she’s already gone, this is where she saw her younger sister missed her so much, and this is the place where she saw Ray, going back to gazebo every day to wait for her. It squeezes her; she almost breaks down seeing this view. It makes her tear into pieces most specially the reality that all she ever wanted was to come there at the time they had agreed and start to make those happy moment with him. But this desire was nothing but an impossible. She’s now in between earth; she’s living in the other dimension where she’s not even allowed to tell Ray that she’ll never come. That there is something that separates them that not even the most genius person can solve it for them.

This just doesn’t happen in this movie, this sometimes happen in real life. Untold stories of love, unspoken and unexpressed. People try to hold it back, to live in a hidden and suppressed feelings and emotions. They choose to sit at the farthest dimension and watched for their love though it kills them. Sometimes, it’s not because these people are afraid to tell and express these things. But it’s because there are forces tries to hold them back. Maybe situations, people, had chosen path. Some things in life are complicated, there are certain events we wish and prayed should never had happened. There are people who like this girl, she would love it, she had the courage and confidence to go to that place in mall and meet the guy who was waiting for her and they will express their real and true feelings. But this doesn’t happen; there are things and events that hold them back until they lose strength to fight for it. Until the day came when she finally accepts the reality, that she has to let go of her loved ones, that she has to set herself and her heart free.