ere are 11 ways to avoid repeating patterns of past relationships:

1. Gain awareness of your own history, dating back to childhood. For instance, if you are a people pleaser you may be drawn to partners who you attempt to fix or repair. Learn more about how your parents’ unhealthy patterns have impacted your choices in partners.

2. Accept your part in the dynamic. For instance if you’ve experienced a pursuer-distancer pattern, you may realize that you have a tendency to avoid intimacy (distancer) or fear abandonment (pursuer). It's natural for one person to see their style as preferred and to be convinced that their partner needs to change -- neglecting to see their part in the tug-of-war over intimacy.

3. Examine your expectations about intimate relationships. You might be focused on your dream of how a relationship should be rather than the reality of how it is, leading to disappointment. There is no such thing as a soul mate or perfect partner.

4. Let go of being a victim and positive things will start to happen. When you see yourself as a victim, your actions will confirm a negative view of yourself. Instead, focus on the strengths that helped you cope so far in life. Don’t obsess about past choices in partners but learn from them.

5. Don’t rush into a romantic relationship. Make sure you’ve dated someone for at least two years and are at least in your late 20s before you make a life-long commitment to reduce your chance of divorce.

6. Make sure that you have common values with individuals who you date. If you marry someone with drastically different values, you will face complex issues that could put you more at risk for divorce.

7. Try not to compare your relationship to your friends. Relationship envy or fear of being alone can cause you to stay with an unacceptable partner or to settle for someone who isn’t a good match for you.

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