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Marriage and Family

In: Philosophy and Psychology

Submitted By spacheco88
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You Decide: Understanding your spouse – Ten Guidelines
Sandra Pacheco
Marriage and Family - SOCS 315
Professor Gomes
October 4, 2013
DeVry University

Marriage is a difficult already. So it only gets worse when children come along. Things get complicated when children come along, since there is more people to take care of. Even though, children are a blessing from god, they are huge responsibility. Marriage with children can be very stressful. Couples can sometimes have conflicts because of important decisions in life. Whether, it's taking care of your 3 month your old or going back to work? You have to really analyze both sides to make the best decision you can possibly make for your little one.

Guideline 1: Express Anger Directly and with Kindness What Leonora needs to do: Leonora should make Joshua understand that she is doing a job for the betterment of their child only. She is not doing for any other reason but for the bright future of their child and family only (Blackburn, 2011) What Joshua needs to do: Joshua needs to understand that she is doing all this for the welfare of their child only so that they don't have to face any kind of financial trouble in future for their child. Guideline 2: Check Out Your Interpretation of Others' Behaviors What Leonora needs to do: According to me Leonora should wait some more months to join a job because her daughter is very small and needs her. Leonora should interpret Joshua's behavior a concern for their child. What Joshua needs to do: If Leonora doesn't agree than Joshua should keep a nanny for the child, so that the child is taken care of when both the parents go for their work. Joshua should interpret Leonora's behavior as economically logical. Guideline 3: To Avoid Attacks, Use "I" Statements What Leonora needs to do: In the conversation Leonora should focus on driving her point by saying why she wants to get back to work, rather than confronting Joshua by using sentences targeted at him using the word you. What Joshua needs to do: Joshua should try to spend more time with her daughter if Leonora doesn't agree. Because he knows that 3 months old child cannot live alone. He should find out how much time he can devote to the child. Guideline 4: Avoid Mixed, or Double Messages What Leonora needs to do: Leonora should not keep on criticizing Joshua that he earns less and he is not able to fulfill their needs. Because Joshua is doing his best to put food on the table. What Joshua needs to do: Joshua should convince her that day care is very expensive and will be an unnecessary burden. All their earnings will go to towards day care only and there is no guarantee that day care will provide their child with good facilities. Christa needs her mommy to take great care of her. Guideline 5: When You Can, Choose the Time and Place Carefully What Leonora and Joshua needs to do: Conflicting over the issue all the time would not solve it.
So both of them should not lose their calm often and have a discussion approach to the issue.
They should identify the right time and place to talk to each other about the issue (Blackburn,
2011).

Guideline 6: Address a Specific Issue, Ask for a Specific Change, and Be Open to Compromise What Leonora and Joshua needs to do: Leonora wants a better future for child and provide her with all the necessity that are why she is willing to work and compromise with her motherly love. But at the same time she should also weigh the option of staying at home for a year to help the child grow and get back to work only after that. This would be keeping Joshua's wish as well. When confronting on this issue, they should talk about a specific issue and the specific solution rather than bringing in other unrelated and past issues in the conversation and making the conversation complicated. Otherwise they will not be able to reach to a solution. Guideline 7: Be Willing to Change Yourself What Leonora needs to do: Leonora should not be rigid with her decision. She should willingly consider doing a job but for limited hours only so that the child does not suffer much and she is available for most of the time to her child. Or she should wait for a year before getting back to job. What Joshua needs to do: Joshua should be with the child when Leonora is away, so that the child is not at all left alone. He should manage his working hours according to Leonora's so that their working hours does not affect the child. Guideline 8: Don't Try to Win
What Leonora and Joshua needs to do: Leonora should agree with her husband and join after some months; else she can enroll herself in work from home facilities. Joshua should agree to her and make her work after one year when the child is able to walk little and talk little. After one year he should compromise little and manage their working schedules. Their objective of conflict should not be to win over the other but this should lead to a solution which will bring a win-win situation for both. Guideline 9: Be Willing to Forgive What Leonora needs to do: Lenora should be forgiving and understand that Joshua wants his child safety first. She should see that he is only asking for some time so that their child is not deprived of love. What Joshua needs to do: Joshua should equally give her the opportunity to earn and provide great future for their daughter.Understanding and respecting each others perspectives, they should not take the conflict to heart but have an open mind to forgive the other in case the conflict hurts him/ her. Guideline 10: End the Argument
What Leonora needs to do: Leonora should compromise with Joshua little and work at least after one year. She should talk at her office and tell them about her problem. This way Joshua will also be happy and there financial problem will also solve with time. What Joshua needs to do: - Joshua should let her does work from home and after one year let her go to do her job. He should realize that whatever she is doing is for the future of their child only. They should not linger the conflict but work towards ending it at the earliest.

References
Blackburn, S. (2011). Kindness & respect. Retrieved from http://www.susanblackburn.com

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