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My Almost Relapse

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MY ALMOST RELAPSE
So- I will have 365 days clean in 26 days. The other day I almost had to start over. I almost threw all the work I have done away. I almost took the chance on losing all the beautiful things that I have in my life today—away. For the last 339 days, I have been working really hard at turning my life into something that is my idea of what it is to be a successful, happy, consistently growing woman. I am going to school and pursuing a dream to have a degree. I have my family in my life. I have gained their trust and feel their pride when they hear about what I am doing just in my daily life. Never mind the whole of all that I have done. I have an amazing, loving relationship with a woman who supports me in what I am doing in ALL areas of my life. She accepts me for all of my light and all of my dark and without hesitation or judgment.
With all the responsibility, I took on with going back to school and getting into an intimate relationship, I neglected the biggest and what should be my most important responsibility; my recovery. I stopped going to meetings on a regular basis. I have not been doing my step-work, as I should be. Moreover, I didn’t reach out the moment I knew I was in trouble.
I believe that this happened for the very reason of showing me my priorities were not in line. I thought I was doing okay. But there was a crack, a flaw, in my recovery and my addict found it and slithered on through. Coming face to face with her was scary but a much-needed reminder that she is still there and still very strong.
So I have made a commitment to attend 90 meetings in 90 days, put some real work in on my Step Four, and use the support I have to get me through. I am also going to find my home group and start doing the service work I have been wanting to do; presentations at treatment centers informing women about Oxford Houses. After 90days is up, I will continue to go to meetings regularly. School starts in 3 weeks and I will really have my work cut out for me to see that this doesn’t happen again. Because I know it doesn’t have to.

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