To be myself no matter what other might perceive of me I was about to face the biggest obstacle of my life, which also happens to be so central to my identity now.
A perfect family, parents who provide unconditional love and acceptance, safety in one’s home-all of these things are expectations of society and outsiders often think that my success must stem from these things, but I know this is not always the case. Rejected by my family, I have found the strength to stay true to myself, complete my rigorous secondary education with honors, and remain resilient despite the hardships I have faced.

My whole life it has been evident, although sometimes not always to me, that I was different. As I grew older, I began to realize what was ‘different’ about me. Something so small and miniscule in my eyes seemed to bother other immensely. Ironically enough this measly thing was something, I felt, I couldn’t discuss with any one, not even my own mother. I bit my tongue and endured through the physical pain of boys shoving me down in the dirt, the emotional pain of the name calling which seemed to hurt more, and worst of all the pain of hiding who I am from my friends and my family.

So everyday in school was a battle, I became introverted due to the pain stricken within me by other students. I didn’t want to tell anybody how I felt and I wasn’t able to focus in my classes without worrying about someone trying to poke fun at me for who I am, which drastically effected my grades. When I received my progress report and saw my grades, I realized others and how they treated me were controlling my future, and I was letting them. It was at this moment that I decided to put my foot down, because I am in charge of my future and shouldn’t let the opinions of others affect me or victimize me. I wanted to be happy so in doing so I had to focus on myself, and on my goals and dreams despite what others may have thought of me. I was going to live my life the way I wanted to.

I did everything I wanted to do in my school years, despite the repercussions, I joined the tennis team, was apart of the band in school, I even joined the basketball team. These extracurricular activities helped me become more outspoken which led to meeting friends that I could trust, help me defend myself not by fighting with fists but with sophisticated words. I “came out the closet”, personally I believe that phrase is one of many of society’s labels, to everyone at school, if they asked of course, otherwise it was none of their business, which meant one step closer to telling my mother. I vividly remember an individual asking me “ Are you a homo?” Politely I said “Yes I am a homosapien, what species are you?” This to me was a stepping-stone; I did not care for what others had to say about me if all they had to poke fun at was my sexual orientation and not of any of my academic or extracurricular achievements then I was okay with that, jealousy comes in many forms.

The day was conquered at school; I was accepted by my friends and felt confident in my decision to tell them, but despite that I knew I would still have to face my mother. I read ‘coming out’ stories online or on YouTube and prayed for a happy ending, but as I entered my lemon-bleach scented house I was immediately filled with dread. I entered my mother’s room where she sat watching reruns of her novella. I pulled her aside and immediately thought to retreat but I swallowed my fear and I told her, with my emotion filled eyes that I, her last child, am gay. Unlike the wonderful ‘coming out’ stories, my mom’s reaction was unexpected, she cried, a lot, like she was the one who suffered in school, and quoted the bible. I was thrown out of my Christian based home and still, to this very day she is in denial.
She wasn’t ready to know, but I was ready to tell her that this is who I am. Although she doesn’t approve my ‘kind’ at least I have been true to myself and for that, I have a reason to keep my head held high.