There are five different styles in conflict, those being avoidance, accommodation, competition, collaboration, and compromise (Wilmot & Hocker, 2010). After completing “Measuring Your Conflict Style” I have come to the conclusion that my preferred style is that of competition. “A competitive, or “power over,” style is characterized by aggressive and uncooperative behavior, pursuing your own concerns at the expense of another” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2010, p.157). I definitely am one to always feel as though my side of an argument or conflict is right and that the conflict is not over until I prove the other person in the conflict wrong and they succeed to my side or point of view. I also find that the expense of the other person is not taken into consideration when I am in conflict as I am totally absorbed by “winning” the conflict. This causes a lot of problems in some of my personal relationships, especially with my fiancé as winning the conflict may not be as important as making her happy. This is becoming a give and take I am starting to understand.

The competitive style can be an advantage for me if I use it in an assertive way rather than an aggressive way, but more often than not aggression becomes a part of the conflict. (Wilmot & Hocker, 2010). Being assertive allows me to know what goals I am trying to achieve and go about it in a deliberate way which makes it more likely to be achieved. This notion is also expressed in our readings as it states that “Whereas nonassertive people deny themselves and inhibit their expression of feelings and open striving for goals, assertive people enhance the self, work toward achieving desired goals, and are expressive” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2010, p. 157).

As I identified earlier, a major disadvantage of the competition style is being aggressive in conflict. When aggression comes out it naturally breaks down and wounds personal relationships and causes the conflict to become destructive. This should not be the overall goal of a conflict. I definitely wish I could become less of a competitive style of conflict as it really does take its toll on personal relationships. When it comes to my fiancé I wish I could do away with my competitive tactics and become more aware of her feelings and adopt more of an accommodation style. This is something I am working on, but for some reason a competitive drive is engrained into me in all that I do, and really shows itself in conflict. By understanding that I have a competitive style in conflict and understanding the effect it has on conflicts in relationships it allows me to understand that I need to make some changes in order to enhance the relationship rather than the conflict. By becoming aware of my aggressive and competitive behavior during conflict I am more likely to adapt to other style to enhance relationships.

References:

Wilmot, W.W., & Hocker, J.L. (2010). Interpersonal conflict, (8th ed.).VitalSource