If I could take the pain from you I would. The heart ache, tears, loss of appetite, constant over thinking, wondering, I would take it all. I know you don't know me but I was you at one point. Some boy who I thought would be forever proved to me that he was just like the rest, temporary. At the time, as much as I wanted to hate him, I couldn't, because every last bit of me still loved him. I was dumb. I would lay in bed at night contemplating all the "What If's?" as I made up situations in my head that would ultimately end with us being back with one another. There was this part of me that held onto the idea of one day there being an "us" again.
Looking back I realize all of these things were toxic. Please forgive me for a minute as I tell you all the things your best friend is too afraid to tell you. First, if he left a beautiful, kindhearted girl who would do anything for him like you, then it means one of two things, he doesn't want anything permanent or he wasn't the one for you. Second, stop reminiscing about all the good times. We could do that with just about anybody- our ex best friend, our enemy, etc. Instead, remind yourself of all those stupid fights, the nights you would lay awake in bed crying, and all those little things that you always wished he wouldn't do. These things are never going to change, even if down the road there was a such thing as you and him. Long story short, the relationship would still be the same and you will eventually end up right back at where you are now. You need to cut ties and focus on yourself. After all, making yourself happy is the most important. If he is the one for you, somehow, some way, he will maneuver his way back into your life. That's out of your hands; if it's meant to be it will be. Now I understand that empty, alone feeling. You no longer have somebody to run to for help, or to tell about your newest purchase, or to tell about your day, and that sucks. It's times like these when you break down and find yourself running back to him. I can't drill into your mind enough to fight all these temptations. Focus on yourself, your family, and your friends. They can fill his gap, I promise. I know you don't believe me right now, but there is always room to build a friendship and grow closer to the friends you already have.
I would like to end off by telling you not to lose hope. I know currently you feel like nobody can replace him and your world is coming down on you but quote me when I say time heals all. With everyday that passes, the memories, his smell, his hugs and kisses are going to fade from your memory. With everyday that passes you are going to notice that you're looking less and less for a Snapchat, text, or like on Instagram from him. You will notice that stalking his social media to see what he is up to and who his new girl is will no longer be your priority. The quicker you truly get through these steps and grow from them the one for you will walk into your life, be patient. Your prince charming will come along and love you with caution. With caution to put together your broken heart piece by piece as he builds your trust. He will be respectful, patient, and he won't force you into anything. He will make all those nights that you fought sending your ex a text worth it. He will prove to you that hard work truly does pay off and he will be by your side through thick and thin. You guys wont only be boyfriend and girlfriend, but you will be best friends. Your relationship with him will be different, but a better different. You and him will take your past into consideration and work to build a tie that can never be broken; and just like that an "us" exists in your life again.
Stay strong, be patient, and don't lose hope, because he is out there...I promise.
Love, somebody who has been there.