English and Literature
Submitted By fchevasco
Traditional Courtship vs. Online Dating
The Difference between Traditional courtship and Internet Dating
When I was listening to my favorite talk show, Focus on the Family, they talked about the advantages of Internet dating. This allows the listeners, who got married prior the new millennium, to ponder the benefits of online dating, which were absent during their time of courtship. In traditional dating initial eye contact and study of the personality of the person is an important element in determining chemistry. However, what makes traditional dating best is the boundary and purpose that courtship provides. In contrast, online dating is more casual. In traditional dating, couples were introduced to each other by a friend and relative, or they met in a social activity such as their local church, school or family reunion. Nowadays, it is not necessary to meet people face to face in order to start a relationship. The internet changes our lives forever with chat rooms, social networks or online websites. More and more people are drawn to using the internet as a form of dating, with a high cost, and are unaware of the danger that you can face meeting with a stranger. Traditional dating is much better that online dating because traditional dating gives the couple the complement of courtship, commitment and purpose. Traditional dating is not only based in a feeling or a rush gut reaction. It gives the couple the opportunity to know each other before they decide to start a relationship with a good foundation and with the consent or the supervision of parents, congregation (Pastor or Co-Pastor) or a Mentor at times. Online dating will not give you this luxury because you never really meet the person face to face and everything is base in a profile and a picture and the only purpose is more casual that commitment.
Traditional dating defined
In the Book “Boys Meet Girl” by Joshua Harris, the author shares the definition of traditional courtship “Courtship is a relationship between a man and women who are actively and intentionally together to consider marriage. With the intention clearly understood a couple was given the privileges of time together. A physical relationship was saved for the total commitment of marriage” (Harris 20). Courtship is a relationship between Men and Women, whose solemnest intentions are to ultimately get married. The objective is to know each other and learn more about their values, goals, and personality. Their commitment and purpose are clear and they acknowledge that this is not a casual dating relationship and they are saving their intimacy for their wedding day. In courtship men only pursue a woman romantically when they have the intension of pursuing marriage. In addition, they honor the protection and care of the girl’s parents by seeking their approval of the relationship.
Differences between Courtship and online dating
The essential element of courtship is starting a relationship with a purpose. Online dating is more casual and involves less work that courtship. Courtship is a long commitment and involves different stages. First you need to know that you are ready for courtship. That does involve at least two principles; you able to be patient and able to set a clear course for the relationship. Also another fact to consider is how long your courtship will last? And at the end of your courtship that will lead you to marriage, are you able to sustain your family? Or if your courtship will interfere with your career or studies, you need to set up clear expectation with a reasonable timeframe. For example, if you are start dating too young and want to wait until you finish with your master degree this is unreasonable; probably you shouldn’t pursue courtship yet and wait. When you are ready you will be able to manage romance with wisdom. In his book the author Joshua Harris offers a symbol of romance, “The Kite and the String” he compares the relationship between wisdom and a romance is like the one between a string and a kite. The kite is symbol of love, which flies high in the skies. Wisdom is the string attach to the kite, holding it back. The tension is necessary healthy and real. No matter how high we can flight, without wisdom our love can be carried away and can crash. When you are ready and decided on courtship, you will seek the parents’ approval and went you meet them you can tell them about your intentions. Courtship is a community project in which your parents, friends, Pastor or mentor, your local church will participate and oversee the couple. They will be there to assist you, pray for you and guide you. Because courtship does not pass overnight, you will have the advantage of a reality check. You will able to observe each other a different context, with family, at church, with friends. You will see how he handles pressure at work, in other words, Facts. The purpose is to learn more of each other’s values and goals. This is time to ask a lot of questions and grow closer and love each other deeply. Because online dating is more casual, your expectations are not the same as courtship. When you are searching for your soul mate you will base your possible connection with others based on factors such as age, career and hobbies. This will lead you towards having your date based in probabilities. You have one foot in the door and the other outside having the luxury of getting out if doesn’t work. You are not really committing, and how can you know who this person really is? At the end before you find your soul mate, you will leave a path of broken hearts and broken promises.
Danger of online dating
As more people sign in to find that special one online, this should not be taken lightly. People often believe online dating is safe because using the Internet and feel safe at home. Unfortunately, hackers can hack sites, trace back IP addresses and in some cases, use slips of personal data to locate a person in real life whether they wanted to be located or not or create false profile and misguide you to tramp. That was the case of Angela Allen, a teenager that gave her addresses online to meet this handsome 17 year old boy and instead she encountered a mid-40’s Lloyd Jones that raped and finally killed her (Grummer). According with the FBI and recently news documentaries, online daters can face the following dangers online; overseas scammers, ID theft, married women or men seeking affair and potential stalker or predators. A recent study conducted by the University of Colorado Boulder's Leeds School of Business found that, as part of a class research project, it was discovered that 21 of 90 dating websites did not properly remove location data from photos uploaded by their users. These photos contain metadata and provide the GPS coordinates, showing exactly where the photo was taken and making it easy for stalkers and predators to access your location. According to Associate Professor Kai Larsen, when this information is not removed by the dating website, it is very easy to access that information using commonly available tools (Delozier). In recent cases, the FBI raises the alarm via his online podcast on ID theft. Halpern explains that cases in ID theft and overseas scanners are arising and the average financial loss per victim is between $15,000 to $20,000. He recommends not sharing private information with a potential date or sending money via mail or wire (Halpern).
Christiancafe.com gives advice to choose carefully the website that you are using and restrain how much information you share online. Avoid the dangers of online dating by exercising caution and common sense. Never give out personal information like home address and telephone number before meeting the person face to face. Always plan your meetings in public places. Make sure that a friend or family member is aware of where you are going, who you are going with and what time you plan to be back. Always take your own transportation to and from the date. Never post overly personal information in a public place, such as where you work, your birthday, your phone number or your address. Never share any of this information with people that you may chat with online. Never provide personal information to an anonymous person online. People lie about their past on a regular basis on online dating sites. We found three websites that people commonly use: eHarmony, match.com and pof.com (plentyoffish.com). This last one is one of the faster growing websites. It is so popular that I found one of my conservative coworker’s profiles posted with a fake name. I searched and found that eHarmony is one of the most secure websites; however in a traditional date you have to be careful on how you engage and meet people.
Cheating is one of the factors that single people can encounter at the moment to start a relationship via Internet or traditional dating. J Perry, an Internet officer in charge of catching online predators says that 50% of males that create this profile are married (Delozier). Dating websites offer varieties of services that somehow misplace the true meaning of dating. There is a portion of people that are double dipping, which means that they are already in a relationship or, worst case, married and still using these websites for dating purposes. Dating websites like adultfinder.com and ashleymadison.com inform and are used for people looking for an affair. This is an open window that destroys the sole purpose of dating with the purpose of one day having a family. According with CNBC News “Love at first Byte: The secret science of online dating”, In US. Online dating is nearly a 1 Billion dollar industry. Since 1 out of every 7 marriages starts online, the Matrix is now the world’s largest singles bar (Robach Any). This tool offers the opportunity to connect with local singles and people around the world. At my church, we have a couple that met online. Both are from Guatemala, but they were living in different countries at that time. She was living in the United States and he was at El Salvador on a missionary trip. Both were careful and patient with each other. They chatted for 6 months and became great friends. Both know they had feelings for each other, so after praying and sharing their feelings with their respective families, they start their courtship. They applied the same principal and weren’t led astray by the rush of casual dating. After a long time of engagement, they tied the knot and they are happily married. Both serve the Lord in our church and are an example to follow as couples.
Traditional dating and online dating both share a variety of similarities and risks. At the end, both can be very fun to experience, however always be cautious and make sure to know who you are dating before meeting. When people are dating, at times, they have a false image of dating influence by the media (soap opera, movies) for example; when I was dating I had a false image of love the one that soap opera projects is painful and far from reality. In soap opera is ok to have premarital sex, love at first sight and if you got pregnant is ok because at the end of the soap opera you are rich and you have several suitors willing to raise your child. Reality is that life can be hard and unfair and if we have to save us from these false image of romance that media is trying to sell us. Traditional courtship is far more secure and exciting than online dating; you can meet people face to face and connect with that person and always can count on the support of your parents or community.
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