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Quaker Party Scene

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A former pitcher, now unemployed takes a job as a caretaker for a wealthy couple, but when their teenage daughter goes missing, he’s a suspect.

STORY COMMENTS
BACKWATER presents as an engaging dramatic, mystery-thriller. The tone is tense and mysterious.
Visual storytelling is well crafted. There’s nice subtext in the opening image of Adam and Eve, as well as the serpent. Later the “Eden” sign solidifies the theme. Clearly the family is entering into what looks like paradise, but possible temptations may lead to a serpent emerging.
The opening teaser sets the tone and mystery. Just make sure to label the transition in time from the opening to when it flashes back, as not to confuse the audience.
The first act does a good job of establishing …show more content…
The scene at the pool involving Slade and Amanda is intriguing and this also builds anxiety. One senses that something horrible is about to occur.
The scene in which Slade acts like he’s unconscious in the water is smart. It tricks the viewer. The image of Jordie watching Trish talking with Slade in the middle of night is a very titillating clue, especially her denial that it was her that Jordie saw. The suspense nicely rises.
The first 30 pages end with the reveal that Amanda is missing. One assumes that this is the catalyst that will drive the story and that Jordie might become a suspect. The audience is hooked by this mystery and easily wants to know more.
Jordie is a likable character and the audience roots for him. He’s flawed and appears to have good and bad qualities. He’s seems to be disappointed in himself about his past pitching career and his current circumstances. He’s stressed and worried. He has experienced a lot of loss – his career and his unborn child. His inner conflict is clear. Yet, he appears to be an honest person. He wants to do a good job and he’s clearly stressed and uncomfortable that his wife invited people to their home. It will be nice to see him evolve and undergo a character

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