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Reality Therapy

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Using the concepts of Reality Therapy, how will you help Ram, a manager in an engineering company, who is angry with his colleagues because he is scared of losing his job?

Reality therapy is firmly based on choice theory and its successful application is dependent on a strong understanding of choice theory.
Reality therapy is centered on our five basic, genetically endowed needs.
These needs are classified under five headings. The first is our primary and physical need for:
• Survival (including food, clothing, nourishment, shelter, personal security).
And the following four are psychological.
• Connecting, belonging, love (including groups as well as families or loved ones).
• Power (including learning, achievement and feeling worthwhile, winning, and competence).
• Freedom (including independence, autonomy, one’s own 'space').
• Fun (including pleasure and enjoyment).
One of the core principles of reality therapy is that, whether we are aware of it or not, we are acting (behaving) to meet these needs all the time. But we don't necessarily act effectively. Socializing with people is an effective way to meet our need for belonging. Sitting in a corner and crying in the hope that people will come to us is generally an ineffective way of meeting that need - it may work, but it is painful and carries a terribly high price for ourselves and others.
So if life is unsatisfactory or we are distressed or in trouble, this approach advocates that one basic thing is to check carefully, whether we are succeeding in meeting our basic psychological needs for power, belonging, freedom and fun.
In this society the survival need is normally being met - it is in how we meet the four psychological needs that we run into trouble. Reality therapy holds that the key to behavior is to remain aware of what we presently want. This is because it maintains that what really drives us as social beings is our wants. We don't think of our needs as such. We think of what we want, we behave to get what we want, we fantasize about what we want, etc. But we often are not aware of either our real desires, or how our present actions are linked to these.
It is very much a therapy of hope, based on the conviction that we are products of the past but we do not have to go on being its victims.

Since unsatisfactory or non-existent connections with people we need are the source of almost all human problems, the goal of reality therapy is to help people reconnect. To create a connection between people, the reality therapy counselor will: • Focus on the present and avoid discussing the past because all human problems are caused by unsatisfying present relationships.
• Avoid discussing symptoms and complaints as much as possible since these are the ways that counselees choose to deal with unsatisfying relationships.
• Understand the concept of total behavior, which means focus on what counselees can do directly - act and think. Spend less time on what they cannot do directly; that is, change their feelings and physiology. Feelings and physiology can be changed, but only if there is a change in the acting and thinking.
• Avoid criticizing, blaming and/or complaining and help counselees to do the same. By doing this, they learn to avoid some extremely harmful external control behaviors that destroy relationships.
• Remain non-judgmental and non-coercive, but encourage people to judge all they are doing by the choice theory axiom: Is what I am doing getting me closer to the people I need? If the choice of behaviors is not working, then the counselor helps clients find new behaviors that lead to a better connection.
• Teach counselees that legitimate or not, excuses stand directly in the way of their making needed connections.
• Focus on specifics. Find out as soon as possible who counselees are disconnected from and work to help them choose reconnecting behaviors. If they are completely disconnected, focus on helping them find a new connection.
• Help them make specific, workable plans to reconnect with the people they need, and then follow through on what was planned by helping them evaluate their progress. Based on their experience, counselors may suggest plans, but should not give the message that there is only one plan. A plan is always open to revision or rejection by the counselee.
• Be patient and supportive but keep focusing on the source of the problem - the disconnectedness. Counselees who have been disconnected for a long time will find it difficult to reconnect. They are often so involved in the symptom they are choosing that they have lost sight of the fact that they need to reconnect.
• •

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