Throughout the duration of this course, I have found myself considering my own experiences and how they impact my own practice. Recently, I have found myself taking stock of my agency’s practices. I feel that if I were to identify my most profound vulnerability, it would result from the agency’s culture. The agency is, quite frankly, calloused towards staff and clients. I feel that they frequently diminish the impact that our cases have on the workers. It is quite common to hear supervisors tell workers that they “need to get over it”. There are no supportive services in place for workers. They offer the standard counseling for employees, however it is so difficult to access that it is ineffective. Additionally, it is not advertised and new employees are only told about it by senior workers. Also, when workers do seek help they are perceived as weak and at times actually mocked for caring. This is an obviously problematic manner of doing business and leads to burnout among the staff at our agency. These thoughts have remained a recurring theme thus far and as I have initiated new cases, I have found myself more understanding when clients speak of their experiences. I have benefited as a I feel that I am becoming more sensitive to trauma related behaviors. This has actually lead me to feel refreshed and more energized when interacting with clients as I feel that I am becoming more effective.

During the past week, I spoke to a relatively new worker about ensuring that she was practicing self-care. She has a foster child on her case load who is pregnant and the baby has numerous genetic defects. The caseworker went to a meeting at the hospital and they determined that the baby would receive palliative care following birth as he will not survive. This greatly strained this caseworker’s ability to function. Additionally, when she sought help from her supervisor and our administrator, she was rebuffed and admonished for being too involved. I spoke to her about using her colleagues as support and more importantly letting herself process however she chooses. I spoke to her about making her own plan and what I have learned in class. I spoke to her about my process and the changes that I intend to make in regards to my own plan. This caseworker advised me that she had never even heard the term secondary trauma. She advised me that she felt better just knowing that she was not alone in her feelings.

A running joke at our agency is that myself and another worker are the staff’s unofficial supervisors. This is due in large part to the moodiness and critical nature of our supervisors. Myself and this other worker are always available to the new employees as we relied on senior workers when we were new. This adds strain to us and that has been my focus for my self-care. I have started listening to music while I type my dictation and have made it known that unless it is an emergency, while my headphones are in I need to be left alone. This has helped ensure that I am able to maintain my productivity and also that I am afforded time to process my own thoughts. I also have started setting an alarm for my reading for class time in the evening and the afternoon to split my time and ensure that I am able to spend more time with my children in the evening. I have also started a new season of coaching my children’s soccer teams which helps me decompress. Additionally, I make time to play chess and checkers with my kids on nights where there is no soccer as they love these games. At the end of the evening, I have an alarm set so that I read at least ten minutes of a book of my choice. I have found that setting these alarms is helping to condition myself and also serves as a tangible reminder that I need to engage in my own plan. I have found that I require activities that require thought and also require me to remain engaged benefit me the most.

As I mentioned in my previous paper, I have tried meditation previously. I often meditation in conjunction with another activity that is more active. I do not enjoy sitting still and can typically be found tinkering with something. I have recently taken up woodworking and I enjoy fixing any appliances in our house that have broken. These have recently been incorporated into my self-care plan as I find that in keeping my hands busy, I am able to approach stressful situations with a more balanced perspective.